What kind of sex is this?

[writergirl]

My DP and I have been together nearly 10 years.

In the beginning we had a lot of raunchy sex, which was fine. Over time, I feel I need more intimacy, and 'middle of the night' sex, which doesn't involve me dressing up and wearing heels. I don't mind that, but don't feel like doing it all the time!

The other day, we had sex - his kind - without even kissing - this kind of 'intercourse' doesn't really do it for me.

I keep bringing it up, as we have a good communicative relationship, and I also keep sliding over to him in the middle of the night to initiate some more romantic style lovin', but he really is not up for my kind of sex. Doesn't fancy it, or happens to be too tired...

I personally think he has intimacy issues, although I can't get to the bottom of them, or work out why that would be.

I have a niggling feeling he can't handle a 'real woman' - without all the trimmings, but I don't know if I'm over analysing this.

Any thoughts, anyone?

Should I keep analysing?

Sex can be different things at different times. We have quite a broad repertoire and do whatever suits that particular session as to how we are feeling.

It can be soft and gentle lovemaking or other things.

Difference is, we both need to be satisfied by it and if we aren't able to express to one another AT THE TIME what we both want then it's not going to be mutually fulfilling.

We went through a little stage after a dry patch of taking turns in pleasuring the other and it was that persons job to articulate exactly what they wanted. We learnt a lot about each other's likes that way and it made it fun.

Sex is just the ultimate in communication and then transferring that communication into skills.

If he's not fulfilling you, maybe suggest a night where he calls the shots and make it clear you do the next night.

Btw, I like us to be showered and teeth cleaned and that's now habit do what we've learnt has stuck.

OP I think all you need to focus on is that he is a selfish lover. He doesn't really care about your experience, as long as he has it the way he wants. Even to the point where, if it's not his way, he won't do it at all.

This is terrible sex. I don't think he will change.

Because he doesn't want to.

Personally, this wouldn't be enough for me but you will have to make your own mind up about what you want for yourself.