Just when l thought it couldn't hurt any more

[WishingOnAStarOneDay]

I posted a few weeks ago about my 3 year relationship ending, my ex had been cheating on me for months but despite this l tried really hard to make it work as l really loved him so much.
He promised me there wasn't anyone else and sat with me as l sobbed my heart out, he cried too apparently at how hurt l was.
The past week l have been feeling a tiny bit better, even managed to get through a whole day without crying. I've kinda just been blocking everything out, it's probably not healthy but it's the only way l can get myself through the day.

Went onto fb today to see he had been tagged in a photo of a very extravagant bouquet of flowers from a woman gushing about the flowers her "lovely man" had sent her. She's younger, prettier and slimmer than me. Feel like my heart has broken all over again, l didn't know it was possible to feel pain as bad as this.

I know he is a cheating twat and will probably cheat on her too but the thought of him moving on so quickly without a second thought for me has destroyed me. He never bought me bloody flowers either!! I have been physically sick and trying really hard to resist the urge to storm round to his tonight. I have texted him a few times the last few weeks all of which he has ignored, I have a lot of belongings at his l need to collect at some point, he's probably given them to the new woman

Can't see a way out of this

Believe it or not he wasn't a twat when l met him, then at the start of the year he seemed to undergo some sort of personality transplant.
I know my self esteem is in shreds, to be honest l always felt like he wasn't good enough for me and it was only a matter of time before he realised. I did a fantastic job of hiding this though. I have always found it hard to believe that anyone could ever love me enough to want to spend their lives with me. I've always felt like a bit of a stop gap for men, someone to see until someone better came along. I'm not really sure how to go about changing theses feelings or even if l can. I often look at women in the street and wonder how they can do it, how they manage to get it right, how they get someone to love them so effortlessly?
Anyway sorry l'm rambling.

Please don't make the mistake of assuming all the women you see in the street are blissfully happy in perfect relationships. They may be extremely lonely, or in an abusive/violent marriage. They may not know that their DH is having an affair. One or two may be battling cancer. You just can't tell
.
As time passes (cliche I know but true anyway) you'll feel differently and the pain will ease. Just concentrate on being kind to yourself and doing as many nice things as you can to help you through each day one by one.

The pain is overwhelming me right now. Dreamed about him again there and woke up sobbing, l dreamed that my family decided they preferred me to him and so disowned me for for him, madness l know.

I have deleted him from social media however l hadn't got round to un following him on instagram, went on last night and he had put up a photo, he has taken her away for the weekend but not only that he has taken her to "our place" the beautiful place where we used to always go, that was once so special to us. I just don't understand it? Why would he do it? I'm afraid l cracked and sent him a text asking him why, Why he is deliberately trying to hurt me? I know it was weak and stupid but I'm just so angry and so so sad

I doubt anyone is reading this right now, I just wanted to write it down really. The nights are hardest, when I'm alone in my house, in my big cold bed and the memories and then the dreams seem to consume me. I'm pathetic l know

You will get there I promise. My ex went for someone younger and slimmer but the years have not been kind and despite her fancy clothes she looks older than me! My ex seemed to do everything to get at me like buying the type of car I had wanted but he said we did not need. He also took her to the places I wanted to go on holiday. If it is any consolation even years later she clings to him like a limpet so she obviously does not trust him.