Just when l thought it couldn't hurt any more

[WishingOnAStarOneDay]

I posted a few weeks ago about my 3 year relationship ending, my ex had been cheating on me for months but despite this l tried really hard to make it work as l really loved him so much.
He promised me there wasn't anyone else and sat with me as l sobbed my heart out, he cried too apparently at how hurt l was.
The past week l have been feeling a tiny bit better, even managed to get through a whole day without crying. I've kinda just been blocking everything out, it's probably not healthy but it's the only way l can get myself through the day.

Went onto fb today to see he had been tagged in a photo of a very extravagant bouquet of flowers from a woman gushing about the flowers her "lovely man" had sent her. She's younger, prettier and slimmer than me. Feel like my heart has broken all over again, l didn't know it was possible to feel pain as bad as this.

I know he is a cheating twat and will probably cheat on her too but the thought of him moving on so quickly without a second thought for me has destroyed me. He never bought me bloody flowers either!! I have been physically sick and trying really hard to resist the urge to storm round to his tonight. I have texted him a few times the last few weeks all of which he has ignored, I have a lot of belongings at his l need to collect at some point, he's probably given them to the new woman

Can't see a way out of this

Yes Cogito I do feel powerless, l desperately want him to at least acknowledge the hurt he has caused me. I don't know what good it will do, maybe just help me feel that l haven't got him/us massively wrong for the last few what l thought were happy years.

No clairemarie we don't have kids thankfully. I have been trying to go out and see friends and have fun, even did the really petty thing of putting photos of me out "having a great time" on fb in the hope he would see them. Now l just feel a fool that he will have looked at them and thanked his lucky stars that he has found someone so much better than me .

Thanks again everyone for your kind words. I am swinging madly between uncontrollable sobbing and extreme anger & wanting to punch his cheating face.

When my best mate split up with her ex, she used to send me the texts she wanted to send him. Got all the ranting/nastiness out of her system, but without them actually going to him. Might be worth a shot? Definitely block him on FB. Not just delete - block. You need to cut him out.

My ex-DH was having an affair with someone I worked with and after I found out and we separated he sent her a big bouquet to work. My colleagues told me how her new man had sent her lovely flowers. You could have heard a pin drop when I told them the new man was my husband! Despite the fact he left, he did this just to wind me up. Hold your head up and ignore it and delete him on Facebook.

Stick a photo of him on a punchbag and kick the shit out of it. Write a huge long letter to him telling him how much you hate him then burn it. Go for a run and imagine every time your foot pounds the pavement it's slamming onto his face.

Unleash the anger, but do anything other than engage with him again.

What an utter prick. I like the burning a letter and going for a run suggestions - and you could also stab a fork into a potato that you imagine being his face. did I really just suggest that

Have spent the last 2 hours sitting outside his house waiting for him to come home. He's not coming, he must be with her. Sitting here I am gripped by the overwhelming urge to go to his mums or write her a letter telling her what he's done. I want everyone to know he's not the great guy he's still pretending to be. We have lots of mutual friends and everyone l have spoken to have said what a great guy he is, a few have even said how well he has handled things
I'm so angry, bitter and sad. I just want it all to go away

I hope you managed to sleep. Tell people. Disabuse them of the belief that he is a nice guy. And distract yourself as much as possible over the next few weeks. And delete and block him on facebook. Remove that temptation.

I am so sorry you are in so much pain. It will, eventually, ease as you know yourself. You said you had started to feel a little better before flowers setback. You will start to feel better again. Hold on to that.

I wouldn't get his mum/family involved. As hard as it is for you, they're his family. They might give him a ticking off, but they're probably not going to disown him for it. Correct your friends when they talk about him being a 'nice guy' but be prepared for some to take his side/stay neutral... "I feel so bad, but I can't help the way I feel, blah, blah, blah..." that's how he'll explain it to them.

Remember the flowers on fb thing is just a show for everyone else's benefit. Perfectly possible to have a miserable relationship with flowers, a happy relationship without flowers, or a relationship that happens away from social media. I often think the people who live their relationships on fb are the ones with the deepest cracks/most uncertainty in reality. At least, I know that's the case with one particular "showy" friend and her bf - because I see all these public displays of affection, but also hear about the problems they're having.

I'd block your ex and the ow to avoid seeing anything else that might upset you. Even if you're tempted to spy, you're not going to see anything that will make you feel better or make any of this easier. It's so hard and so sad, but you will eventually move on and you will find a man who respects you - she will have to live with the knowledge that she's in a relationship with a cheat. No matter how much she tries to convince herself that it's "different" with her, there'll always be that element of fear that he could do it to her, won't there...?

Please OP, learn a lesson that was hard learned by me.

My single regret about my break up now is that I sent a message to the OW. I could absolutely kick myself that I let my shield of dignity down for the split second it to press send. I really really regret it and I know you will too.

Here's the reasons not to:

1. you lose you dignity
2. she won't believe you or care anyway
3. it gives him a chance to paint you as a bit deranged

and here's the crunch

1. It won't change a damn fucking thing for you. You won't feel better. He won't feel worse. He won't come rusging back. You'll still be exactly where yo uare now but with reasons 1, 2 and 3 hanging over you too

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It is utterly utterly excutiatingly painful. I remember it so clearly and I hope I never have to feel it again. It's the pits

I managed a few hours sleep but he was in my dreams, l can't even bloody sleep without thinking about him So have woken up feeling even worse, with a big black cloud hanging over me.

I was starting to feel a little better the last few days, I was coming to terms with his claims that he didn't want a relationship that "it's not me it's you" but the realisation that it was a big fucking lie that the new girlfriend was already lined up has destroyed me. And pathetic as it sounds, to see her and see that's she's younger, slimmer and more attractive than me has broken the tiny shred of self esteem l still had left. If l could unsee it l l really would. Have blocked them on fb now but l suspect that isn't going to stop me terrorising myself thinking about him. Knowing that she now has all those happy dreams that l once had is eating me up.

I feel your pain. DP cheated on me and dumped me, whilst I was at home crying and throwing up from crying so much he was out with the OW, taking her to the theatre and nice restaurants.
I was devastated and felt bitter as he only ever took me to the pub!
I walk past a poster every morning for the theatre show he took her to and it still hurts 18 months on.
Agree with PP, the best revenge is to live well.
It hurts like hell now but it will get better and you'll wonder what you saw in him.
Don't envy this women, feel sorry for her. She has ended up with a cheating bastard for a partner.
The flowers and romance stage will soon be over for them!

You really really need to stop fixating on the OW and concentrate on you.

I know that sounds glib. And believe me I know how hard it is. But obsessing about her will only cause you pain. not healing.

Aww OP, I'm so sorry you have been treated like this by some worthless bastard, not worthy of your tears.
You will get over this and feel better and when you are feeling better and living a lovely life with a guy who does deserve you, her agony will be just beginning.
Have today to mope, then tomorrow get up, get ready, go out and live your life. No more tears!! When my DH left, my sister told me that she had read somewhere to scream in your head every time you feel like crying. I did that. I would be driving along screaming in my head. It did help. Don't know how really, but it did.xx

Take comfort from friends and family. My friends got me through, they listened when I needed them too but we also went out and had fun. You don't feel like it at the moment but there will come a time when you want to go out and you will laugh again.
He wasn't the right man for you but you sound lovely, he didn't deserve you.

OK so she's slimmer, better-looking, with bigger boobs and now has a huge bouquet of flowers in a vase. Whoopee. She also has a lying, nasty, evil piece of dog poo for a boyfriend, and further down the line, she will be sobbing her heart out while looking at a FB picture of some woman's lovely bouquet of flowers......

Ok, what if she was older, bigger and less attractive than you. Would that make you feel better about this? Or would you be wondering how he could possibly leave you for someone like that? I know it's hard, but can you see how comparing yourself to her really isn't doing you any favours? He's a cheat and I'd rather be the one free from him than the one getting sucked in by him. You'll get there lovely, it'll just take time.

Yes I know l need to stop thinking about her. Yes barkingessex l know what you mean, he never bought me bloody flowers! He has also bought himself a new very swanky car, he always refused to buy a car when he was with me as l drove him everywhere even though he thought my car was an "old banger"
I just wish him so much unhappiness, l want to burst their happy little bubble, l want him to feel just a shred of what he has made me feel. I know I'm deranged, l think l might try a few counselling sessions, I just need to get this resentment and anger out.

OP, please stop that "she is better than me" thinking. She is not.

Younger does not equal better. Anyone can look slim in online photos who knows how to pose and take them from the right angle.

What she is is the latest poor dozy cow to fall for your ex's act, who will be in the exact same position as you weeks or months down the line. By then you will have your shit together and have truly moved on. Pity her, if you must think of her at all.

Living well is the best revenge. You will get yours one day. Trust me.

Also, I am suspicious of people who brag online about their relationships. If they were really that happy, they would be too busy enjoying the gesture for its own sake to be posting about it.

so sorry for what you are going through - I felt exactly the same. But you know I don't care any more. He is hardly a prize is he, you will get to the point where you feel nothing but pity for her. She hasn't gained a man who is loyal or decent, and be sure that he will not treat her any better than he treated you.

You will certainly one day breathe a huge sigh of relief that you are free of him. But in the meantime block them online wherever you can and tighten your facebook settings so non friends can see nothing of your page. (click on padlock, then who can see my stuff - and go to 'view as' - that will show how your page looks to public.

It's not really the flowers, more what they represent. That he has moved on and so quickly, that he is making someone else feel the happiness l once felt, that she gets to have all the hopes and dreams that l once had and most importantly that she might be so amazing and make him so happy that he would never dare treat her the way he has treated me. All extremely stupid l know.
Before l met him he was cheated on by an ex and so l know he knows what this feels like, that's what makes it so hard, that he knows exactly what pain he has inflicted on me yet doesn't give a fuck. I just want this pain to end.

Thank you for all your advice ladies, you are all so much wiser and stronger than l will ever be.

I disagree with your last sentence. You will be strong and wise and utterly fabulous - just let time and your friends and family - and us - help you