A virtually unconscious woman and a man feeding her alcohol

[FreudianGymSlip]

I told the bar staff that I was very worried about the welfare of a woman in the bar who was drunk and who then became virtually unconscious but who I could clearly see was being woken up and fed more alcohol by her 'partner.' He was also partially undressing and fondling her in the full view of the other people.

I told the bar staff again about my concern. They said this is a couple who come in often and it isn't nice. I asked them if this woman has children and they didn't know. I came home and rang 101 to report my worry and they might get a patrol car out but they're busy.

I can't remember when I've felt so nauseous without there being an organic reason. This man is known locally as a trader, I didn't recognise either of them. I've done all I can, yes?
I got the feeling from the bar staff that they've seen it before with these two people but take it as 'this is what they do' and from the 101 that it didn't look like a date-rape thing and they would prioritise it in terms of what else they had coming in.

I am very upset and worried about this woman. I'm not going to know what happened am I? I can't tell you how much I wanted to get up and punch his fucking lights out from the moment I clapped eyes on his behaviour (and I know I wasn't alone).

why is everyone blaming the man entirely here ? Obviously the undressing and fondling thing is out of order and would be enough to get them ejected from any decent pub, but why is she not responsible at all for this disgusting spectacle ?

Twindad76

Because she is entitled to get herself drunk if that's what she wants. Note, HERSELF. Her being drunk is not disgusting.

Her partner feeding her alcohol when she's already so drunk she's passing out is disgusting, dangerous, and by the sounds of the undressing and fondling, pretty predatory too.

That's why.
HTH

Talk about victim-blaming!

God another apologist for sexual assault. Lovely . I do wonder if twindad is also a rape apologist - would it be too much to extrapolate on that?

How would you feel if it were you Twindad? You're having a couple of pints. Unknown to you, the bloke you are chatting with is spiking your drink. So you quickly become more drunk than you realise. You're confused, your reactions are slow and you feel sleepy. He's now upped his game and is fondling and stroking you, licking your ear and telling you his flat is just across the road, you can wait for a taxi there... Some of the regulars are sniggering at you.

Why aren't you taking responsibility for your part in being a disgusting spectacle?

I have actually seen this happen to a young man.

twindad76 I feel sorry for your wife and hope that neither of your twins are girls. Your attitude is disgraceful.

Appalling victim blaming.

Now you see, this is what i do not understand about "feminism" - you have robbed this women - who we know from the post regularly attends the same bar with the same man and apparently gets plastered each time, of any agency in her situation and labelled her a "victim" who is being abused and exploited. Is that a fair assessment given what we know about the situation ?

If either of my children got themselves repeatedly into this situation with the same guy I would be angry with them and tell them to stay the fuck away from the him and not to get so drunk again. If they felt they had been groped or assaulted in anyway then obviously they should go to the police and I would take them and support them. However - most importantly I would urge them to take some responsibility for themselves and yes, I would expect that they would not get themselves in such a situation. There is no mention of drinks being spiked here - rather there is the assumption - as usual - that the female is a victim and has no real part to play in what is happening to her, despite it's apparent frequency.

If i saw the guy in public I would "have a word", but that is the bit that is sexist.

You show a spectacular lack of even the most basic understanding of an abusive relationship.

It has nothing to do with "feminism" because it would be exactly the same were the positions reversed or if it were two men/two women.

Feminism has nothing to do with it you misogynist.

I was that woman for years. I was in an abusive relationship for years. Sometimes being absolutely streaming drunk made the inevitable sexual assault easier to bear.

You are obviously incapable of even trying to understand the dynamics of abuse. Which makes you wilfully ignorant. The worst kind of ignoramus.

Jesus twindad, have you not read the hundreds, if not thousands of threads here of women who are in exploitative relationships, and are having trouble leaving these shitty partners? I agree with Owl, you show a spectacular lack of insight into this sort of exploitation. Please have a read of the many, many, many threads where women are having trouble leaving partners who are bad for them, and the vast majority of these women do not drink until they are intractable, nor do their partners supply them with the amount of alcohol which renders them unable to do even something as basic as give consent. Please have the foresight to give yourself some education on the subject before you post something which reveals the lack of said education. There is a wonderful saying "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt." May I suggest that you employ saying to your future posts?

areyoureallysure I'm not the one making the most fantastic assumptions about the women's situation based on a paragraph on a forum entered by an unknown person. Note that also being tarred to a degree in your rants are all bar staff and every other regular customer who presumably witnesses this spectacle frequently. You're the one who projects your own prejudices and biases and is desperate to read abuse, exploitation and most offensive to women - helplessness into every situation. And now you've gone and labelled me as one who hates women for believing that women have personal responsibility for the decisions they make !

Zazzles - take a look at your language - "supply" them with alcohol, which magically "renders" the women incapable.

For once, I'm speechless

I'm not the one making the most fantastic assumptions about ..

Areyou isn't 'making assumptions as you have very incorrectly pointed out.

What part of "a woman in the bar who was drunk and who then became virtually unconscious but who I could clearly see was being woken up and fed more alcohol by her 'partner.' He was also partially undressing and fondling her in the full view of the other people" do you not understand???

What sort of inferences would you like to make about this woman's 'agency' since was unconscious, yet being woken up to more alcohol???

What the fuck is wrong with you, that you would want to apportion blame to a virtually unconscious person???

It appears that you have actually have trouble with basic comprehension - please tell me that you were able to read the except I have included and understand that.

Zazzles

Blame for what ? Who mentioned the words victim or blame - it wasn't me, it was posters like you who are of the opinion that no women (or person I assume but not sure) would be in that situation through any choice of their own, even though it is known to happen frequently.

Are you a misogynist? Why are you here to defend the man in this? My psychology research into misogyny reveals that men who are misogynists feel that their mothers didn't love them enough, and so they have this irrational hatred of all women. Do you feel your mother didn't love you enough? Do you have an irrational hatred of all women, because you feel (rightly or wrongly) that your mother didn't love you enough? You should really really ponder these questions and then seek some psychological counseling. I bet the lovely women in relationships would be able to recommend someone in your area.

you have robbed this women - who we know from the post regularly attends the same bar with the same man and apparently gets plastered each time, of any agency in her situation and labelled her a "victim" who is being abused and exploited. Is that a fair assessment given what we know about the situation ?

The above is directly from your post. The only conclusion I and others are able to reach is that you believe the woman has more agency in this than is rationally warranted - therefore the only conclusion that I am others can reach is that you want to blame the woman at least as much as the man. Is that clear enough for your lack of comprehension???

Twindad I am also pretty shocked at your posts on this thread

I think the OP was absolutely correct to pursue her concerns, she was the one witnessing the event after all. We are just commenting on her summary.

If the Police and Licensing Authority think there is no evidence of wrong doing then the case will be dropped. If however they believe the bar staff should have dealt with the situation differently, then perhaps some extra training will be offered.

All in all I have no idea why you have decided to wade into a debate that was winding down, acting as though you have a better understanding of the scenario than the OP who was actually there.

Very egotistical and bizarre.

twindad you're a cunt

My previous partner raped me you utter bastard AND DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I CAN TO GET THROUGH THE DAY.

Btw, do you know how inductive and deductive reasoning work??? If not, please go away and google this - you might even be able to understand the reasons why we have reached the conclusions about you that we have.

I was bar staff until fairly recently, and it's actually illegal for bar staff to serve drink to anyone or anyone who is supplying alcohol to someone who has had too much. The bar person can lose their individual licence and also puts at risk the licence of the premises. I would point this out to bar staff in a complaint.

joysmum. xx

I have reported twindad's 10:01 post. DNFTT.