Should I stay?

[Purplelolly2000]

Since my baby was born 7 months ago, things have gone from bad to worse with my partner. Things have got so bad he recently spent 2 weeks away from home as I just couldn't take it anymore. Basically it all boils down to the fact that he wants to go out drinking every weekend and I don't, because we have a child.

Our baby wasn't planned but we had been together a little while and were in a strong position (good jobs, own house etc) so I thought it would ok. He keeps saying to me that he hasn't changed, which in essence is the main problem. I knew he was very sociable and liked a drink etc, but I honestly thought he would calm down a bit once the baby arrived as he was so excited.

He just keeps saying how it is possible to have a baby and a life, but he doesn't seem to understand that he is the only one having this 'life'. Not that I want it, I adore my child and am happy only to go out every few weeks as a treat. He always says he is 'just popping out for an hour' and then rolls home 3-4 hours later, drunk and then often ends up vomiting noisily in the bathroom. His argument is that he works hard (true) and needs a break at the end of the week but obviously thinks I don't know he stops off at the pub on his way home nearly every night.

During our time apart we had a serious talk and he said he wants us to go out more as a family so I came up with a list of things we could do together that were suitable for a baby but he rejected all of them for some reason or another. What it comes down to is he wants to hang out with his mates at the pub.

I'm aware that I'm going on and on, so I'll narrow it down a bit. Am I being unreasonable in wanting him to stay home with me in the evenings on weekends? Also, if I decide to go it alone (seriously considering it) am I going to ruin my baby's life by not having his daddy at home full time?

Anyone would be moody and stressed living with someone with a drink problem, especially with a small non sleeping baby . Everyone struggles with motherhood at first. It's totally normal

But You didn't cause his drinking and you can't fix it

Well done to your mum for supporting you.

You don't sound shocked to hear he's been looking at flats, I guess you knew in your heart that it wasn't going to last ???

O, no no! You are trying to justify and explain his behaviour and you can't, sadly. He has a drink problem. (£100??!)

I'm really impressed that you went for it, having The Talk so soon. I'm glad you did it and I think you're brave enough to realise that he has to go for good. This is all about him and his family-unfriendly lifestyle choices. It doesn't matter one iota that he thinks it's all your fault. We all know different. Your mum knows different. You know too. Let the idiot think whatever his stuck-in-teenage mind can handle.

Me and DH are currently child-free and have a busy social life, but I cannot imagine either of us wanting to spend that much time - mid-week or at weekends - drinking/being with other people. We have separate interests and we're not joined at the hip or anything, but most of our "free" time is spent socialising together. We're in a relationship because we enjoy each other's company, so spending time together seems perfectly normal.

I think you're 100% doing the right thing by ending this relationship. I went for lunch with a friend the other day and she pointed out a rather pathetic-looking bloke sat in the corner nursing a pint. She explained that he'd once been the "Big Man" about town always flirting with girls years younger than him and loving the attention he got from them - a 'proper lad' - always out drinking with the boys and being a general prick to whoever was his lucky lady at the time. Ignored his kids. Fast-forward a few years and his "lad" mates have settled down/grown up/moved on, his looks aren't what they used to be and he's nothing but a lonely middle-aged bloke who no-one gives a fuck about, sitting in the corner of the pub with a pint of lager for company. That's what I imagine lies in store for your "D"P in the not-too-distant future - and in the meantime, you'll have moved on and settled down with a proper man who treats your child like his own.

I bet your mum has always known he wasn't good enough for you. I bet she's delighted you've seen the light (even if she is also worried about how you'll cope financially on your own). Call your mortgage provider, explain the situation and ask for a 3-month "break" - some would rather do this to keep a long-term agreement than refuse and risk you falling behind on payments. I'd give this a shot if I were in your shoes.

Good luck

This is so not your fault.

You are having to act more or less as a single parent anyway and said yourself it was easier without him there.

leave him to his drinking buddies but make sure you get minimum of 15% of his take home pay as maintenance.

what a sad loser he is!!!