Boyfriend went AWOL

[VIX1307]

Hi guys,

This is my first post here, so I hope you lovely ladies can help!
I've been with my boyfriend for a year now (official for 7 months). I'm 28 and he's 32.

He's never been a particularly great texter but I will always hear from him a few times a day.

I saw him at the weekend as usual and everything was great. Tuesday he was a bit off. Not responding or doing so in short answers which often happens if he goes into a man mood.

Yesterday he went completely AWOL. I didn't hear from him all morning (no response to my last message from the previous night) so I messaged him a little good afternoon message at about 1pm which he read straight away and ignored. By the time 11pm came and my bed time I still hadn't had a response so I messaged him again saying 'Just got in from a meal out with the girls (this was true) and how did his awards ceremony go for work?'

I went to sleep then and woke up again this morning to no message, despite me sending it at 11pm and his last online time being 2am, so he had seen it.

He was at work all day yesterday, then heading straight on to an awards ceremony, but he was showing as online a fair few times. I think it must take 2 seconds to shoot a quick reply and I've never gone a day without hearing from him so I thought this was a little off.

So anyway today he messages me saying how was the meal? Now I have no idea whether to just answer and act like everything is fine or is this showing him that it's fine to ignore me? I don't want to sound like a nag.

Should I mention it?

I wouldn't mind so much if he wasn't 'online' for minutes on end, through out the day and night.

What would you do in this situation?

Thanks :)

This is one of those things where it really depends on what is 'normal' for the individual or the relationship.

That's why it poses a concern for some people and no issue for others. It's not really fair to say to someone, "you're being clingy and it means nothing. After all my husband and I have been together forever and don't always reply to each other's texts"... because that's not the OP's situation. If you're in a relationship where regular/frequent texting is the norm, then it is worrying if that stops because it's a change in the communication pattern, which we're always being told on here is more of a problem than the frequency of communication. Largely because it's true.

FWIW, OP, I like to get a reply to my messages. I have a friend who says he's finding it really difficult to not expect an immediate reply and take it personally if he doesn't get one. I do generally reply to people straight away, but sometimes I read the message just as I'm getting into the car, or going into a meeting and so don't reply. Then someone invites me for a coffee and it would be rude to reply to a text when I'm with them. And then I forget or the moment has passed and the sense of a need to reply immediately has gone with it... and then I'll reply when I get the chance.

Having said that, it can also mean that someone isn't on my mind.

Not only that, I often have things like FB (I've finally been sucked in!) open on my phone all the time. I rarely look at it, but it looks like I'm online permanently, when I'm not. I also get pinged when I get a message and might look at it while I'm walking and talking, but wouldn't have time to reply.

I would also see the day as an anomaly (given the awards ceremony) and see if it's a new pattern that continues, or a one off in exceptional circumstances.

If I'm seeing someone and sleeping with someone and not living together I would hope that they would be so into me that they would not leta whole day go by without a quick call, an email or a text!

Certainly that's how my man and I did it and we aren't soppy teenagers, we're soppy 60 year olds.

I do tend to agree with you, Dowser

First of all, this isn't AIBU so I have no idea why everyone is being quite so stern with the OP

As a PP said, it depends what's normal for you and your BF. My BF and I text several times a day to exchange snippets of info, ask how the other's day is going, send something soppy / saucy. If he did not reply to me all night and day, I would be asking why! (I'd probably ring him tbh) because that would be a change from the norm for us.

Doesn't make me clingy of caustrophobia inducing. It's just what's normal for us and if anything changed from that, I would be at least curious.

OP I assume you've asked him? If you haven't then just ask "How come I didn't hear from you yeterday?"

I could have just typed "What dowser said"

Dp and I do live together. He was away with work last week. His usual is to call in the evening and a quick call in the morning.
He wasn't as able last week to do that for various reasons.
I had a busy week this week and had a meeting on Wednesday night and ill children this week. There were times I appeared online but never had the 5 seconds head space to reply to personal texts. My online time was all related to the meeting I had.

I just don't see the night before texts as even stepping back. He had a big day at work coming up and possibly had other things on his mind. It happens it happened toe this week. My head was so full of other stuff I just couldn't spare the 5 seconds to reply because I had to read the message properly and form a reply. And thanks but I like peace on the toilet I don't need to be answering texts there.

But youmake you're in an established relationship, with children. OP and her boyfriend are just starting out.

FWIW I agree with Dowser. It's a change from 'normal for this relationship' and I'd always question a sudden change. I don't think OP sounds clingy.

I've been with my OH nearly 4 years.
There's not a day goes by that we don't text each other (iMessage) at least twice, and we live together!!!
There's always a 'How's your day going, love you' type thing.
I get very nervous when he goes quiet on me (there are reasons for this).
So OP, I understand where you are coming from.

but what difference does that make? In fact in the early days I probably had less expectation of communication than I would now. He had stuff on. And we don't have dc I have dc. We have only been together a couple of years so still fairly recent in the big scheme of things.

Believe me I have my own insecurities as much as the next person but I honestly don't get this measuring how much a person is interested you by how much they text. When do and I got together thank goodness he didn't measure things that way because there were times I would not answer him
Immediately but have answered others because I wanted to be able to answer him when I had time for a chat not a quick reply and off again.

Which is in fact what the op's boyfriend did the night before but that isn't good enough either. Dammed if he does it would seem.

youmake she's not measuring how much he loves her in texts. She's asking about a change from the norm in their relationship. Not asking if that's the norm in your relationship.

BTW my BF has just texted me to thank me for the lunch I made him and to say he loves me.

I've told him to stop being clingy, insecure, claustrophobic, needy and unreasonable

I didn't ask him in the end as I know he would just say "I was busy" etc so wouldn't really solve much. Yes it was out of the norm, he does have a busy job and frequently goes away on business trips but always finds the time somewhere in the day to reply, hence why I was a little concerned.
I wasn't obsessively checking his online status either. I left my phone in the car for the evening while I was out so I wouldn't have to worry about it, but always a little bit of a bummer when you come back to it and there's still no response to a message you sent 10 hours before, especially when you are used to getting a response occasionally I wouldn't say that would make me crazily clingy but I guess everyone is different.

Sorry, man moods I just mean when he's had a stressful day he will tend to withdraw a bit and conversation will be limited and answers very short or one wordy. I'm used to this now and I know it's not permanent so it doesn't bother me as he's usually ok the next day. Just hadn't ever in the year I've known him had a day gone by with out any contact regardless of how busy he is