I started another thread a few days ago in chat about the fact DH never makes me a cup of tea, whether he's making it for himself or just as a nice thing to do for me, so I asked whether other people's DHs do the same. The response was overwhelmingly that it's just plain rude not to ask, especially if you're making one for yourself and it's just a perfectly normal thing to do for your partner.
Fine. I get that DH needs training in this department and maybe I should have sorted this out years ago because we've been together a long time and for some reason it's only become a thing and a talking point (or rather arguing point) recently.
So, please tell me what's going on here, because I'm getting really upset, by such a, what should be, trivial thing.
The other day I had a rare night out and so in the morning, still in bed, I messaged him in the other room "Any chance of a cuppa?" (Yep, I know, lazy but didn't want to get up yet or call out). I'd heard his phone ding and knew he'd seen the message. After a couple of minutes he came in said something non-tea related and so I asked him if he'd seen my message. He was still in joke-mode so sort of smirked and said no - but it was obvious he had - but I told him I'd heard the ding and anyway after a few frustrating exchanges he said something like "I'm not aware of any requests" - so clearly let it slip he had seen it and had chosen to ignore it. I thought because he was joking he was just going to come back in a minute with a cuppa.
Now this is the thing though. Lately he seems to have two modes - a jokey, flippant, smirky one and an angry, pissed off one. Flippant can go to angry in seconds and this is what keeps happening lately and I'm just so tired of it.
So to finish the silly tea story, I just said oh for god's sake, can you please just make me a cup of tea? He went out, I heard him switch the kettle on, came back a few minutes later and just said "the kettle's boiled, I'm going out now" at which point I just got really upset and told him to cut it out, stop making such a big deal over a cup of tea and can't he just make it for me without all this fuss? I stupidly welled up a bit too. He stomped off, so clearly flippant had turned to anger by this point, and then eventually came back with a cup of tea, but put it down in front of me saying "I'm doing this now but don't think this is going to be a regular thing" and off he went.
WHY are we having arguments over cups of tea and what's going on his his behaviour??? Clearly it's not only a problem with sodding tea but I just don't get why he can't do something so simple for me without it making it seem like a big ask. I make him tea and coffee all the time. In fact I'm a SAHM at the moment so I do everything for him and all I really want in return is the gesture more than the tea.
Thank you if you got this far!