Background. Mum has got history big time for being quite bonkers and rude. She speaks her mind with seemingly no concern for people's feelings. She has been unbelievably rude and nasty at times to myself, dh and my brother. Though now would deny all this and say she's only ever said stuff because she's concerned about us but people think she's been hyper critical, etc.
Dd is 13yo and while I would like to think she's a good kid and honest I accept I could be biased.
Some stuff she's done in the past includes writing me a 4 page letter after I told her I was pregnant spouting shit that dd could be disabled as I was living in sin and I should have an abortion. She once went crazy about how messy my house was when I was Ill in hospital to the extent she made dd cry. I have tried to keep her at arms length over the years.
So a few weeks ago she had dd overnight as a favour to me so I could go to a wedding. Dh was out the country. I posted about this at the time as again (so dd tells me) mum went spare saying the house was messy. Dd tried explaining we had the builders coming on the Monday and that's why stuff was piled up in the dining room.
When I picked dd up the next day she was upset saying that my mum had been saying that I was fat, that I had "too much meat on my legs" and that my brother "has a gut on him and will get diabetes and die". According to dd she also called dh a "bum licker"
I was upset after dd told me this but never got the courage to confront my mum. I did tell my brother about it who wasn't very happy. I'd kind of forgotten about it.
Anyway its all blown up. My brother has confronted my mum.
My mum admits the comments about me and my brother been fat but says the comments have been taken out of context and that she was discussing diets and healthy eating with dd. she totally denies saying anything about the house been messy and Denies calling dh a bum licker.
My brother has told her its disgusting that she's prepared to call dd a liar. And it sounds like they're both going NC with each other permanently over this. Mum says she can never forgive my brother for the things he's said, that he's said she has to apologise to dd and explain herself to him. She says she won't be spoken to like that by him.
I think my brother is pissed off that I'm prepared to let her get away with it.
I do believe dd over my mum I think but there's always a nagging part of me that says a 13yo could be stirring.....she doesn't like my mum.
Part of me thinks my mum is so bonkers that she will have convinced herself she never said it and will now genuinely think she didnt.
As a phrase I'd say that my mum is more likely to use the term "bum licker" than dd. though mum just denied that to me and said she would never say anything so "vulgar". My mum when mad has a mouth like a sewer and calls other car drivers fucking bastards, twats, etc. and she knows I've heard her use language like this......so why say she wouldn't use vulgar language?? Because I think she genuinely forgets she's like this and paints herself a different reality.
My dd can swear, but I've never heard her say "bum licker".
My gut feeling is just to forget it all.