If you have seen me posting already re: splitting up, please temporarily ignore / put to the back of your mind... We are going through Relate at the mo and I have agreed to TRY to save our marriage... The purpose of this post is to try to understand what has gone wrong and why. Is it worth staying and trying to sort him out. He says he feels 'not right in the head'. It's a last ditch attempt. Your opinions on whether or not you think my DH may have actual proper mental issues would be a real help. Here goes...
Before my DH and I met his family were quite concerned about him. Apparently he was very intense, painfully shy, self-obsessed, a 'troubled soul' and had great difficulty keeping girlfriends. My SIL recently pretty much said that last sentence word for word... He was 29 and I was 21 when we first got together. His family breathed a huge sigh of relief as apparently I 'fixed' him. In retrospect I was too young and should have read the signs and run a mile... But instead I blindly fell in love.
Fast forward... I am now 43, with two DCs and have been really struggling for the past six years. Aside from being grumpy and odd he has been having an in/off affair with the same woman. They are nauseatingly obsessed with each other and behave like love sick teenagers. She massages his ego and flatters him in a way in which cannot / will not (I'm too angry and ground down). Most of their activity is on social media / emails / texts.
Anyway... I am cannot understand his behaviour. Here is a list:
He frequently uploads selfies to several FB pages. He has these pages for his music, art, frisbee throwing, old records and then his actual personal FB page. These selfies are 'posed' often either shirtless or with buttons undone, on the beach in shorts etc. NB: he does have a good physique. He makes an effort to stay in trim and does weights at home (in front of the mirror).
He used to write a journal every day, prior to meeting me. When we moved from his flat into our first home together I found a whole box of journals. He had documented his life and relationships in great detail from age 16 to 29. He willingly destroyed them all. But to be honest it's always niggled me. What I saw of them was a bit odd and definitely obsessive... As far as I know he's never kept a journal since then. But he does write songs and poems instead.
He has a reasonably well paid but ordinary job, but is convinced he 'should' have been a musician or artist (both are hobbies). He gets all bitter and twisted about this frequently. If he comes across anyone locally making a living in either capacity and he thinks they are not as good as himself he gets very ranty and angry. We cannot, for example, just go out to an average pub gig because it makes him cross. Ditto local art exhibitions.
He has great difficulty mixing socially. His worst nightmare would be going to a party or large family event. He tends to hide in a corner and just talk to the people he knows.
He has no close male friends and rarely goes out to the pub or similar with anyone other than ex colleagues occasionally.
His own brother says he finds it very difficult to communicate with him and has struggled to stay in touch with him. I have a good relationship with my BIL and SIL - they would agree with what I have said above.
Soooo - what do you think?
TIA