Mixed race relationships

[Lauramay02]

Hi,

I've been in a mixed race relationship for over three years and have decided to write a post on reactions to mixed race relationships in the uk as it's a subject I feel strongly about.

Has anyone that's in, or been in a mixed race relationship ever been met with negative or racist reactions?

In my case, a white woman with a black man, we actually do get quite alot of stares which I didn't think would happen, but only ever 1 racist comment in London. However when we went to St Ives it was much worse.

How about you guys? Do you find it a problem?

I have mixed race children in their 20's. No direct racism but I'm in London. My children are very unusual looking as they are white with blue eyes but their dad is black. That gets more attention the,n them being mixed race.

My uncle is Polynesian from one of the warrior nations. My aunt, God rest her, was Liverpool Irish.

They probably experienced racism when they married in the 70s, but given their fighting heritage, not for more than about 15 seconds.

ScottishDiblet It's funny you should mention that you're Jewish - It's all about perspective isn't it? My DH is Jewish and I'm half-Chinese/half-English Christian so we've had lots of comments from "both sides" about race/religion /culture - I was always staggered at the number of people who asked me if I was going to convert - this question came from Jewish/non-Jewish in fairly equal measure. And whilst it may very well be a desire of/appropriate for some, I could not imagine for one second changing such a fundamental part of me - why would I want to be Jewish anymore than HE wanted to change his religion?! I know that's a whole other subject but they're connected in my head in terms of culture and identity. It's become a source of 'amusement' amongst certain friends who comment that he didn't "marry out" but "married in" as it's as much about ME as him! And fortunately we are utterly accepting of each others cultures - my Chinese father would have been horrified not to cook pork/prawns etc for us and Christmas and all that goes with it are very important to me and my 3 DC's and my 2 DS's have also embraced all aspects of our culturally diverse/enriched life. And I've had lots of comments over the years about something (particularly nice/family related) being "very Jewish" and I always correct people and tell them it's actually very Chinese - they simply haven't spent enough time with people from other cultures sometimes to appreciate that family/food/charity/taking care of and helping people are very important in most cultures, even if practices are different - sorry, waffling now!

I'm in a mixed relationship (I'm black, he's white) and I have DCs from my previous marriage(black) and we get stared at almost everywhere that we go. It did bother me at first but DP couldn't care less. It's hard to ignore it but I'm not bothered by it anymore. We live in a predominantly white area, in fact, I barely see black people, so that could be why?

I'm not now but I was in the past. I'm Caucasian, my ex was Indian British.

No problems in London, except the day we made the mistake of going to Essex...(Not sure exactly where London ends and Essex starts)

Outside London was a bit hit and miss. France was the worst. In Italy everyone thought he was a dark Sicilian.

My DH (black African) and I (Caucasian) met in his African country. Whilst together there I faced a lot of racism for "stealing one of their men" we also had a lot of people presuming he was only after a British visa.
Since coming to England as a couple we have faced some abuse as a couple and individually. I have been told that I am an idiot as "don't you know black men just want to have as many babies as they can then move on to the next woman!" And that all black men beat their partners. My husband was called the N word whilst we were out together but as he refers to himself like this and hadn't been in England long enough to realise people would use it as an insult, he thought it was funny which annoyed the idiot probably more than if he'd been insulted. We visit African hairdresser in Brixton as my DH has ridiculously long dreadlocks and the African women were insulting at first insinuating I was trying to get some kind of 'experience'.

Personally as long as our family is happy I don't really care about the opinions of other people. I accept that not everyone agrees with mixed race relationships the same as not everyone agrees with gay marriage or anything else.

I'm mixed race (black/white/asian) and my DH is white (although I do believe the correct term would be "blue") and in NI. I have been here for ages and usually get a double take if I meet someone who has spoken to me on the phone because they think I'm Scottish. I have never had that many negative comments and the odd person who has said anything to me has usually regretted it, especially when their mates point out that I speak better English than them. Most of the time people are more interested in my religion

DH got it more than I did. I remember one evening when we had first started going out and and had popped into the local pub. I went to the loo and when I got back he was incandescent with rage. When he was calm enough to talk he told me that when I had left to go to the loo one of the guys at the bar asked him where he had got me . DH told him Tai bride catalogue pg 92 but you would never be able to afford her since you shop in the farm animal catalogue. I did tell him off half heartedly and the bar staff were so horrified that they put the other guy out. According to DH, they aren't so envious now that a lot of people know that I'm no pushover because they have the stereotype of the subservient asian wife.

DS and DD have favoured my colouring whereas DSD1&2 are blond, blue eyes and incredibly pale but you can tell they are siblings when all together because they have all inherited DH's nose and certain facial characteristics.

ExDH is Iranian, I'm white British. DDs both look very Middle Eastern, DD2 particularly so. Although I'm brunette I don't really look like their mum. I was in Harrods with my DDs last year and an Arab woman said to her friend 'look at those girls with their maid'. My friend speaks Arabic so kindly informed me the woman had assumed my DDs were 1)Arabic and 2)I was their maid. I was furious. I never experienced racism whilst with ExDH but I remember going to a friend of a friend's party and I told a fellow guest I was getting married to an Iranian guy and his response was 'do you like being treated like shit?'. I'm horrified by the number of racist incidents people experience

Risky to post this... been a host to foreign students for over a decade - a lot of that full-time (my income) - and, although the friend of a friend's comment^ was, er, blunt , I'd have to agree that in my tiny experience middle eastern men just can't get the hang of the fact that women aren't a possession, their job to serve, to be subservient to a man. Sorry if that offends. I have reluctantly had to stop hosting middle eastern men (I'm not the only one: the language schools have a terrible job placing middle eastern students) because they simply can't accept it is my home and I'm the boss, not them. Even playing cards it goes 'queen, jack, king' with them - inconceivable a woman should come higher than a man. I am currently hosting two middle eastern women and my blood runs cold at the way they are treated by their male relatives, which the women wholeheartedly accept under the auspices of love and protection. Different culture, of course^ , but shocking to western sexual equality.

mixed dd had a terrible experience in Barcelona last year, where she went on holiday with a group of friends (white british). She was spat at and restaurants refused to serve her. She chose to go home early not least because they just couldn't eat out if she was in the group.

There will always be people who are racist but at the end of the day it's your happiness that's most important. Forget small minded bigots

In my experience most people In London don't care. You might get the odd comment but considering there are over 8million people in London you cant help having the occasional idiot.

We are a mixed race couple - Chinese/British. Together more than 20 years and we have wonderful thriving children. Never experienced any racism. None anywhere, either in Hong Kong or here in the UK. Au contraire, folk always talk about our "intelligent, healthy and good-looking children" and assure us that mixing the genes has to be a good thing. Especially in HK and China! I agree! Mixed race families are to be celebrated!

I'm white British and my dh is black W African. We're quite old now and live in a tiny village in rural England. Been married for years and have never had any problems with racism at all. Dh loves UK and feels very relaxed here. No problems either with racism when we visit his home country. We have no dc. so can't comment on that aspect.

I'm white, DH is black. In London. Never had any negative reactions to our relationship or our children. We have travelled widely, too. Our children got huge amounts of attention in China, but it wasnt negative - more 'wow, we have never seen mixed children before' type thing. We also got called Will Smith and Angelina Jolie a lot in Beijing

DH does sometimes experience direct racism aimed exclusively at him (it was much worse when he was growing up, though), and institutional racism is very much alive and kicking, of course. But never aimed at us as a couple (13 years together).

My ex was also black but from a different culture (Nigerian). At Naija parties I sometimes got daggers from other Nigerian women, but I ignored ignored ignored. I'm quite stern looking and think I give off a 'shirt shrift from me, lady!' vibe, which is useful in these situations .

*short shrift

mixed race families are to be celebrated

I agree! And that's why I LOVE pages like Mixed Nation and Love Crosses Borders on Facebook.
Fabulous families, beautiful children.
Check it out cos it makes you feel you are part of a huge mixed race nation! (world).

My son has an African dad, I'm white (we are now divorced) and we haven't experienced much racism, what we did experience was pretty mild. He's 23.
But loads of mixed relationships and kids of all nationalities in this city.

I now have a mixed race relationship that is long distance. In a black country. Have never experienced racism there.

Loving this thread.

I'm mixed race (black father white mother) and my wife is white. My children have brown hair and although my eldest daughter is, in terms of colouring, mid-way between myself and my wife; my son is definitely lighter though he does look like me Our youngest daughter looks like she's going to be a dead ringer for her older sister.

I can't say we've experienced any racism (not that we'd notice). We now live in a very small rural village. Everyone we've met - without exception - has accepted us.

The only comments we ever get from anyone is to do with how beautiful our eldest daughter is. Curiously enough, she didn't get her 'colour' until she was about 18-20 months; at which point she darkened up and her hair became curly. She has on separate occassions reduced grown women to tears - just becasue she is so stunning and has been offered modelling and TV work. I don't mean that to be a boast (though it sort of is I guess) but rather to highlight the fact that being mixed race is the future. It's a societal norm nowadays. Society (wrongly in my opinion) values attractiveness - and from what I've seen (my niece (brother's daughter) is a model a proper catwalk model) being mixed race is certainly no impediment - quite the opposite in fact.

I was told recently that it's racist to refer to myself as mixed race, apparently we're all supposed to say dual heritage now instead!

White mother of 2 mixed race children aged 18 and 20, whom I have to say are both stunning. My experience has been all good to date apart from the odd comment when I mention my children are mixed race. It goes something like this "oh that's nice. One of my best friends at school was black" REALLY !! DOH

No one can tell you what to call yourself, anyold.

White mother of 2 mixed race children aged 18 and 20, whom I have to say are both stunning. My experience has been all good to date apart from the odd comment when I mention my children are mixed race. It goes something like this "oh that's nice. One of my best friends at school was black" REALLY !! DOH

I'm mixed race (black/white) and DP is white.

I don't think I've ever had any negative comments from anyone, and the weird looks we get are because he's waaaay older than me. I think the race difference is interesting there though - I do worry if I'm tarted up a bit, people might think he found me on a street corner ...

DS basically looks like me - lighter, looser curls, but still looks mixed. The only thing that gets me is that he doesn't seem to realise he's mixed? He goes to a multicultural nursery and because he's closer to the white kids in colour, seems to think he's white. Not sure when he'll realise, but I imagine it will be either very traumatic or extremely amusing.

p.s. dual heritage?! PC speak.

There's nothing wrong with "mixed race". It's hardly "half caste" is it? Besides, "dual heritage" excludes any person who is a mix of more than two ethnicities, so I don't think it's very useful!

By default, all my relationships are mixed race because I am of a very minority background that most people do not realise even exists. I couldn't find a partner that matched my ethnic/racial/familial background if I tried.

And, yes, I have had a lot of problems in my relationships, though I would not say they constituted "racism". Basically, it is kinda obvious that I am not of an ethnicity or culture that people recognise or understand, and it makes them nervous and wary. I am "the unknown", the "ultimate other"; they cannot label me. Parents and families of boyfriends and partners have been a real problem in the past for this reason, and, yes, I get stared at a lot.

I am now married, and my DH is also from an unusual mixed-ethnic background (though it is very different to mine), so, in many ways, our experiences of life are similar. I am still very cautious about other people though -- and I worry about my child and what her experiences will be like. Like me, there will be no-one from an ethnic or cultural background like hers.