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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I sound like an ungrateful cow but......

30 replies

allthreerolledintoone · 03/10/2006 21:51

would you be disappointed if after 6 years together your dh still doesnt havent a clue what to get you for your birthday. It was my birthday

OP posts:
hairymclary · 03/10/2006 21:53

yep. i would.

ThomBat · 03/10/2006 21:53

No not really. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you or doesn't knoiw you, he may just be crap at thinking of birthday presents.

Loads of women and men who have fab relationships may still struggle with present ideas.

I struggle with ideas for my DP, been together 10 years.

ThomBat · 03/10/2006 21:54

What's it matter, so he's a bit rubbish at buying presents, can't think, give him some clues.

I never know what to buy my mum, does that make me a bad daughter, no.
I cna't think waht to get my best mate, does it make me a bad friend, no.

daisy1999 · 03/10/2006 21:55

yes I bloody would.

IvortheEngine · 03/10/2006 21:58

Ditto ThomBat. Wise words.

ThomBat · 03/10/2006 22:04

Oh get over it you that would be upset and find soething to realy be upset over!

Jesus, I dodn't even get a present this year, until I basicaly said 'get me some soidding Jo Malone stuff or I'll never stop banging on about it', so he got me the shower gel and keeps using it himself!

But whatever, It's only material shit at the end of the day.
If he loves you and treats ou well, that's what matters not his skill at knowing what you'd love for your birthday.

ThomBat · 03/10/2006 22:08

Sorry if I sound like a harsh witch, don't mean to come across as nasty. but you know.......... come on, it doesn't really matter does it?

marthamoo · 03/10/2006 22:10

17 years we've been together and he's still pretty hit and miss with birthday/Christmas presents. But he gets it right elsewhere (mostly )

IvortheEngine · 03/10/2006 22:20

It must be my (wicked) mind, but marthamoo's post of her dh getting it right elsewhere mostly, puts me in mind of a fab b/day pressie!

pointydog · 03/10/2006 22:32

It's misplaced disappointment. You married a man, not a woman (I presume). I'm in the same boat if it's any comfort.

lizziemun · 03/10/2006 22:34

my dh has never bought me a present without me telling him and or showing him what i would like.

I have to say he has to buy his own as well as he is in IT and i never know what he is talking about.

It is my birthday on sunday, his was in july which i didn't get anything fr him as he didn't want anything. But hopefully we are going into london for the day and maybe see a show if i lose dd somewhere.

marthamoo · 03/10/2006 22:44

I was thinking of putting the bins out and handy DIY type maintenance around the home, Ivor

expatinscotland · 03/10/2006 22:45

No. B/c I tell him. He's adorable and I love him dearly. But he's a bloke.

Blondilocks · 03/10/2006 22:45

No not really. I'm useless at deciding what to get OH mainly because I want to get him something that he actually wants or would find useful rather than something that's put away & never seen again.

HauntedsandCastle · 04/10/2006 05:40

Not at all, tbh. have been with dh for 17 years and he still asks for a list for b'day/xmas.

But then I ask him too. It's not that we don't know what the other likes, I just want to make sure I get him what he wants and isn't left with something I think he wants

TwigTwoolett · 04/10/2006 05:46

agree with thombat

couldn't care less about presents / birthdays

moomoo1967 · 04/10/2006 06:29

now i may be feeling slightly sorry for myself this morning but I would just love a chap ! have been single for nearly 4 years, would love love someone to share the good and bad times, and to tell when you hear a funny joke, someone to moan at when you are feeling down

CatBert · 04/10/2006 06:54

Actually the longer you are together - the MORE difficult it gets. Esp. For a bloke...

Yr 1 "I know, perfume, jewellrey"

Yr 2 "um..."

DH HAS got better over the years at knowing what clothes I wear... But consider yourself in that shop with your DH.

DW "Does this look nice on me? Naaah - it would make me look podgy. How about this - I LOVE this, oh hang about - I have no shoes that would go with it... Now THIS I love, erm - well, I would if I were a supermodel...etc"

DH "KILL ME NOW!"

YOU think you are easy to buy for, but I bet you're harder than you think (And all those REALLY great presents we hanker after, you know - the surprise weekend away, the spa days, etc) are really expensive and he'd probably STILL pick the wrong european city to visit

liath · 04/10/2006 07:07

Some of the worst brithday presents have been when DH has gone off & bought something for me he thought I'd like ! These days he is not given a chance to use his initiative but told exactly what I'd like. Works brilliantly.

Likewise, I never have a clue what to get him, and we've been together 15 years.

throckenholt · 04/10/2006 07:41

no - because I have no idea what I might like - so how the hell should he know !

Honestly DH and I rarely get each other surprise presents because neither of us want to waste our precious money (and space) on things that are not wanted. And we both have the tendency to go out an buy it, if we actually think of something we need - somehow doesn't occur to us to wait for birthdays

Maybe in future you could give him a list of possibles, maybe a month or two in advance - gives him something to work on and you long enough to forget what you had written so it would be a surprise.

edam · 04/10/2006 07:56

I'm sure everyone is being jolly sensible but I'd be pissed off too. Dh got me Dr Who top trump cards as a 'joke' present for our wedding anniversary...

sugarfree · 04/10/2006 08:28

We've been together 16 years now and have an arrangement where if there is something the other specifically wants they get it if not,they don't.
So one year I wanted good dressmaking scissors so that was my birthday present and I was delighted.This year there was absolutely nothing I needed so I didn't get anything.Don't see the point of filling the house with clutter I don't need.
I'm getting a garden trolley for Christmas to haul camping equipment round festivals.
We're so romantic!

joelallie · 04/10/2006 10:06

No. I do wish he'd understand that I prefer flowers to knickers but that's a different issue

badkarma · 04/10/2006 10:10

My Dh always remembers my birthday, but he never knows what to buy me! In the end I narrow it down and give him one or two things that I would like, and he buys them That makes us both happy

HuwEdwards · 04/10/2006 10:10

Agree with the Bat - matters not a jot to me. Didn't even get dp a card this year (we were on hols) but got dds to make him some.

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