I have never experienced emotional abuse. I often thought it was people who weren't tough enough, weak personality, argumentative, couldn't hold a discussion, didn't work and felt dependant on partner. etc.
I am a strong, independant woman. Always have been. In all my relationships I have had equal if not a bit of admiration as to how level headed, intelligent and organised, own income, sexual, humourous and capable I was. I'm not really, I'm just normal! I attracted men I felt who needed this strong woman in their life and underneath I didn't like it. I amit i realised I like a man who can challenge me and handle my sarcasm but all the while knowing he loved me for just being little old me. Underneath I'm actually a sweet romantic.
I finally met a man who I felt ticked many of these boxes. However he has had disfunctional relationships in the past and my strength I suppose has helped me help him in many ways. He has softened me alot and I realise I like who I am when I am with him.We believe we have a very good relationship, odd ups and downs but we make it work.
Today I realised I make it work. At least I think so. I'm trying not to be over emotional and sounding irrational or woe is me. I am looking for perspective and hope someone can help.
We have needed a bit of a break recently due to working alot. He owns a law practice 160 miles away so often we can only see each other at weekends. This has been for 3 years now. eventually we want to move nearer his practice. my son is still in primary and I want him to finish primary before i would move. that is for sure. I had booked a hotel for one night between where I live and where his practice/home is. I felt a night away for the 3 of us was something we needed. he gets on well with ds but ds is with his father alot when dp is around.
Myself and ds drive to the hotel and checked in. dp rang and told me he would be another hour and that he was exhausted from days work today with a particularly hard case he had. I told him to relax and just enjoy the idea of a swim, dinner when he arrived.
he rang me an hour later asking where he should park as there seemed two entrances. I directed him. However we soon realised he was at the wrong hotel. similar names but 20 miles apart. He flew off the handle and told me that he was exhausted and why had i picked that hotel. That i had given him the wrong name and it was all my fault he was in wrong hotel. I was adamant i told him, but in all his stress it must have confused him. I told him to stop shouting and to just travel to correct hotel. He said this was crazy and that the whole idea was ludicrous, spending the money on a hotel and literally a rant about everything and anything. foul language and aggressive tone.
i took a deep breath and said to him i'd see him when he arrived. I didn'twant to engage in an arguementand in particular in front of ds. When dp did arrive 30 minutes later he was still spitting. i decided to go down to the car to calm him. His voice was raised and i told him that everyone would hear him if he continued and that it was ruining the night. i understood he was tired but it wasn't my fault he got it wrong. he kept shouting at me , telling me that he wouldn't have got it wrong, it was all my fault andhe should have just turned around and gone home. why had i picked a hotel that was in the middle of the countryside, i must be stupid and he'll never go along with another night like it etc and more ridiculous excuses. I couldn't believe his attitude and behaviour. I blocked his path and said 'if you continue to behave like this, just leave, i do not want ds to see this and i do not want you to ruin a night away when we have so few'. he grumbled and barged past me. when he had a shower and came down to the bar he was fine. as if nothing had happened. he talked about his day and other things going on. I began to realise, life is just about him.
i looked around at other couples and families and realised that i have changed from the confident woman to the enabler. when we left the hotel the today (as he had to work) i realised i hated how everything he says and does effects my mood. I love him. but i justfeel so worn out. i tried so hard to make just one night go right and he had to ruin it. i didn't enjoy it at all. the abuse before hand ruined it. it was uncalled for.
i have doubted myself all evening, wondering am i over reacting, am i feeling sorry for myself for no reason at all. then i look at ds and think if he ever spoke to a woman like that/or another person, i'd be utterly dissapointed in how i brought him up.
if you asked in general how is dp well he's uptight these days with work, but surely that's no excuse to bring his stresses home. i don't!
i think i have to leave him.