I'm 43. I'm married, not happily, and have three very small children. We've been together for 10 years and married for 9.
When I was 25 I met and fell in love with (S). I adored him, we were together for 4 years, and we split up because I wanted to settle down and get married and he said he didn't. It was a bit on off, he's in the forces and was away a lot, and it was either perfect or awful. The sex was always amazing.
But after we split he met and married someone else and they had two children. I was devastated, but threw myself into my job, moved away and eventually met DH. S got back in touch about 6 years ago and told me he was getting divorced. At the time I was curious but also hugely pregnant and wished him well but left it there.
My marriage is v wobbly I think. My husband has a very low sex drive and isn't interested in fixing the intimacy in our marriage. Despite my protestations he doesn't seem to hear how unhappy I am. He's been for one session of counselling about why he's effectively sexually rejected me for years and in his own way is making some efforts but that's it.
Out of the blue I had an EA with an old boyfriend from college. It was like he flicked a switch in my head which allowed me to feel sexual again. It's ended and is completely over. I was so so shocked that I did it. I was still curious about S though and tipsy one night, emailed him. He replied straightaway to say he was divorced and single, that he regretted ever losing me, he'd married his wife because she was a safe bet, that he'd been a coward and he'd always loved me.
I was astonished, really blown away. I don't know what to think. I loved him with all my heart, and breaking up with him wiped me out. He isn't offering any solutions, he's in the forces and his home is 300 miles away. We've talked for hours over the last few days. He's very contrite and keeps talking about a second chance and how he should have fought for me.
We have agreed to meet for a drink to talk things through further. My head is killing me.
In an ideal world I'd live happily ever after with my husband and kids, but I also wonder is this another chance at the happiness I once had, or even a satisfying sex life. (I've posted on here before about it.)
Please be gentle, I feel like I've been spun round and round and can't think straight.