Ex husband coming to stay for three weeks in my house to see the kids

[Shenton]

I'll try not to drip feed but I may forget details.
So ex had affairs in the UK we had relocated to the other side of the world when this bombshell was dropped. I rent through the usual bollocks of counselling etc.
Asked on here many times should we stay in Australia or go back to the uk and decided for me - not necessarily the kids even - I wanted permanent residency in Australia to give me options. I will get that this year, the year after I get citizenship and then we will return to the uk - the kids can make their own minds where they want to live at 18 and I feel I've done my bit.
In the middle of all this DH - you can work out what that stands for - literally couldn't get a job in Perth, we relocAted because he couldn't get a job in England either - so he literally packed up and moved 5 hours by plane away. He left me with 4 kids, not a cent to my name, about to be thrown out of our rental for non payment of rent, no job, no visa ... Then to add insult to injury got a court order preventing me from leaving Australia.
So now after Christmas he plans to visit and have the children for three weeks. Except he has no money and nowhere to stay so he thinks he's staying at my house with the kids. I will go to work and he will basically take the kids out for the day I guess - there is no way he's having my car - goodness knows where the money for that is coming from.
I'm scared to say no because he currently pays 50/50 of my Childcare on top of maintaince - it's fuck all frankly - but I need it until 18th December. But I don't want him in my house. He's hit me in front of the kids - I have hit him back, called me a slag, told the kids I don't want them when I forced him to look after his own child. Moving away was the best thing he did but equally I haven't had a break in over a year. Kids haven't seen him in 7 months ... You know who'll be the bad guy if I say no.

He hit you in front of the kids. He's the bad guy. Just say no.

You don't have to allow him to stay in your house. Given that there has been domestic violence, you absolutely should not allow him to stay.

I'm leaning towards that but if I tell him he can't stay before he arrives he won't come at all I'm sure of it ... Tempted to wait until he's in the state then break the news, I know that's being a bit nasty but I don't think I owe him any favours

He finds somewhere to stay and comes to the house during the day. Make sure he isn't insured to drive your car and make sure you have both sets of keys with you at all times. Any violence then report it. Oh and don't hit him.

I'm also quite concerned about him taking care of them ... He said I assume you'll be wanting child support for the three weeks I've got them - well yes the rent needs paying - but I don't see how he'll afford to look after them tbh unless he's planning that he'll have the fridge stocked by yours truly and help himself - would it be unreasonable for me not to do that ?

I'm hiding the car - lack of insurance wouldn't affect him it's in my name

Don't say he can stay then change your mind. Just say from the outset that he has your permission to take the children to his hotel.

Frankly I wouldn't trust him with the keys to your house or car anyway. You'll really be up shit creek if he steals your car or personal belongings and you can't claim on insurance because he was there with your permission.

If he won't look after the children properly then he shouldn't have unsupervised conract with them. They must not be put at risk to pacify him.

I wouldn't care about being the bad guy. No way I'd have him stay in my house.

'That doesn't work for me. You need to make other arrangements for your lodging.'

I already said he could stay otherwise he wouldn't have paid the Childcare, I therefore couldn't have worked and neither could he but that fact escaped him on a regular basis when he threatened not to pay.
Your right actually he threw my car keys through a window costing me $1000 ... Not seen a cent of that

Just say no. I can understand that you're still frightened of him. I can understand that you want your DCs to know their father. But if he can afford a plane ticket, he can afford a B&B . It was his choice to move a 5 hour flight away, not yours

You owe him nothing

Say you've changed your mind and get the child maintenance ordered by a court. He's still pulling your strings..... don't allow it.

Is it really possibly for him to have absolutely no money? How is he planning to take the kids out and about for 3 weeks with no money and why visit now when his finances are in such a poor state rather than prosponing until he can save some money for his visit?

Given his past behaviour, he obviously can’t stay with you. Why can’t he stay in a hostel or rent a room in a house. If he rents out his current home for the 3 weeks he can then use that income to rent a room in a hostel where you are.

You must stamp out his incredible sense of entitlement.

As for you looking like the bad guy, why don't you give your kids an age appropriate explanation of why it's not safe for you to allow DH to stay.

That's all very true ... I need to do that on the 18th December when I no longer need his money. I can't have this looming over me over Christmas

He sounds dangerous

You need some legal advice I think!

Shenton. FFS. Stand up to this bully. Get your maintenance court ordered and do not let him cross your threshold. EVER.

I just wanted sanity check my thoughts .... He's made me out to be a lying nutter to everyone including the kids, they don't believe a word I say anymore.

Is there a possibility of you and the children having family counselling Shenton to try and heal some of the damage your ex has done?

He has hit you, and he is still trying to control you financially. Get the courts to order the maintenance and get it icily, crystal clear to him that he is NOT entering your home.

Doesn't really matter what they believe cos it ain't gonna change. You allowing him to stay isn't going to make them think "Poor Mum must have suffered" is it?

All it'd make them think is that "it mustn't have been that bad if he's back, maybe he was right"

Not to mention that him sitting there every night with his feet under the table whilst you spoon food onto his plate is going to give him massive satisfaction and play into his hands of looking like a great guy that even Mum gets along with. Which must mean Mum is over all her craziness and has finally got with the program.

I mean when you think about it its intolerable.

That's a very good point ... They do know life got 110% better when he left that's for sure

Are you Mosman? I thought you had plans last Christmas to move back to the UK? What went wrong?

Yes that's me ... Tbh I sat down and did the maths and I'd have been no better off financially, my mum made it clear that we weren't welcome at her house and she wouldn't support me so I thought what's the point in distrupt ing the kids schooling all over again. Oh and on Christmas Eve dickhead announced he had secured a great new job selling a hair loss product that would provide us with decent child support and a visa. O F course this all turned out to be bullshit

Yes, I also spotted the fact that you have name-changed to another "Park"

Get advice, and detach emotionally
He's never going to see the light, he's an idiot, move on with your life

Seeing the kids over a three week period...fine
Staying with you ...why are you even asking this question..the answer is no no no

The advice I get is always the same ... Divorce him in the uk that's where your assets are ... Not very helpful when we are both in Australia and it can't be done at all until we have residency so I have to negotiate, put up and grit my teeth.
But thank you, I knew he couldn't stay deep down without me burying him under the patio