Work crush should I tell DH

[Choochonu]

I've recently started a new role in a predominantly male environment. DH and I have had our moments but I'd like to think our marriage is strong...however I've noticed I've started to develop strange crushes on colleagues where my head thinks they fancy me. They are all much older than me but there is something about them that makes me fantasise about them and want them to pursue an affair with me

One of my crushes I'm working closely with recently gave me a hug after one meeting, which I thought was a bit strange and then the other night, randomly rang me to talk about work and explain how he didn't clearly understand my role and wants to help me with the project as he'd like to get to know me more.

My other crush is my manager who again seems inappropriate at times and last night insisted after a tough day that I join him and colleagues for drinks. Thankfully my female friend joined me as I felt uneasy, but on the other hand I wanted to be on my own with him.

My head is reading too much into all this and good to express here but I'm thinking of telling DH about these crushes and their behaviours as I think it will help? Do you think it's a good idea? I feel like I'm back in school with these feelings do they like me/ do I like them? Just want these feelings to go! Looking back at this it looks a little crazy but I need some clear thinking and advice. Thanks.

Thank you everyone. I will focus on my relationship, I've been feeling neglected with him being away so with the big changes I think my emotions have been swirling. Talking about with you all on here and with DH has helped, he has arranged a child free day of just us tomorrow. Think we need it.

Uglyswan that is what I was looking for, specific tips to nip all this crush nonsense in the bud and get work stuff back on a professional field. I'm confident in some ways but as a still new employee I wanted to be assertive without causing offence.

We have forgotten preciousbane and started to take each other for granted, it happened a few years ago when we had a rough patch. I like what you suggested, thank you.

Sorry if that was harsh.

I would talk about your DH at work a lot if you feel that you need them off your back .

Thanks Seasons, everyone's posts have helped me see things clearly, they are silly little girl crushes and it probably has come across at work, the male species can pick up on these things.

They will remain in my head and definitely not be carried out...looking at other threads on here I do not want to go down that destructive route.

Good luck reconnecting with your marriage and disconnecting in the office. Think you're doing the right thing.

OP I have experienced many, many workplace crushes too, over decades. They are distracting and unsettling but they always fade away after a bit - I think it is a normal part of working life.
I would never dream of telling dh, it would upset him and I know deep down they are just crushes and nothing would ever come from them.
It is always flattering to get a bit of male attention so enjoy that, try and live in the moment, focus on the familiar things you love about your dh and your married life and keep the two things completely separate.

Don't tell him. Work on you and him.

This actually strikes me as if they are having a bet to see who can shag you first .

I work in sports , lots of men. It happens to new girls all the time.

I love mumsnet for advice and support. So grateful to you all. I love my DH and would never jeopardise over this. Allhallow I'm thinking the same too about them seeing me as a challenge, don't think I have helped myself acting ditzy hence change next week.

OP, I'm going to give you a different perspective.

18 months ago my H came home form work one day and told me that he had developed a crush on a work colleague. By this time the crush had been going on for 2 years. He claimed he hated his feelings and didn't want to be experiencing this infatuation but in reality was indulging it by mooning around alone at work after hours to be near her office and by going on long drives in the evening to think about OW "clear his head". He said that he loved me and claimed he would never have acted on his feelings.

I had known something was wrong for about 6 months before he told me, as he had been increasingly moody, preoccupied and irritable. He refused to tell me what was wrong. During this period he posted on MN and received almost unanimous advice not to tell me what was going on. He decided never to tell me, but changed his mind after he revealed his feelings to OW (under the pretext of explaining why he could no longer work closely with her) and she made a complaint at work. In the end he only told me because he worried I would hear about it from someone at his work.

The thing is, I wish that he hadn't been advised not to tell me about this crush. Finding out was the catalyst for me to evaulate his behaviour and other issues in our marriage, and gradually come to the realisation that he is probably EA. However, around the time he posted on MN, we were in the process of buying a house together. That purchase, and other financial decisions we made in this period when I was ignorant of the crush, has put me in a position where it would be very difficult for me to leave the marriage without significant negative impact on the DCs. If H had told me about his infatuation sooner, and I'd had the opportunity to make different decisions about our house purchase, I might be in a different position today.

I'm not trying to imply that your behaviour or motives are the same as my H's. I'm also not trying to imply that it's anyone's fault but mine that I've chosen (at least for the time being) to stay in my marriage as the least worst option. I just wanted to make the point that not being honest with your partner may not always be in their best interests.

NO

mr that sounds pretty shit but extreme .

op when we we start at at a new place it fresh new and dynamic - then we find out it pretty stagnant with arse holes buzzing around .

When I first started at my place I was chased by about 3-4 dick heads. One even tried to kids me in a stock hall. It all changed when then they seen my dp (6:3 brick house) at a work do. I never told him because I knew they were chancers, if I did, they would have got knocked out ! No one made a move after.

Spice you and your dh up ! Don't fall for work bull shit

Thanks again, I've thought about it all day and rationalised it to myself and discussing on here that these men are not worth it. I've been acting like a silly teenager caught up in a new environment. The need to feel wanted/ desired was a big factor in all this and now I can see it was foolish and risky to my marriage and career.

Mr - I'm sorry for what happened to you, I hope things turn out ok. My crushes were that, talking to my DH tonight and having time together and appreciate each other is my focus.

Allhallow my DH is the same I think they wouldn't mess if he came into the office.

I can also see from your post Mr that the crush and feelings were in your DH head. I too maybe misinterpreting my colleagues' behaviours.

Go I Monday morning with a don't fuck with me attitude , it will ramp up ten fold , talk about your dh have dh come in. It just amounts to little prickes trying to be big pricks.

Honestly the extemes I've seen lags go to to get a shag of the new girl is ridiculous / sometimes it'sbeen a year thing. Lads:blokes in work ste mothetfuckers don't get drawn in!

I think you are, indeed, just full of all sorts of new situation excitement and even a feeling of power and success now you are in a more senior position. Power and Success feels very sexy! Apply sexiness feelings to dh. Really. Turn your crushy thoughts to thoughts of what you want to do when dh gets home. Put his picture on your desk to remind you. Make a point of thinking (positively, not comparatively!) about dh in response to the prompts that start your crush thoughts. Attraction is very Pavlovian, you can redirect yourself. And if you discover you can't redirect, deal with that, dont start an affair.

Meanwhile, the advice that your co-workers and manager might be the type that try it on with a new woman in the office: very true. But now you know and can see them for the jerks they are. Make a point of asking them about their partners and children.

You can't help the way you feel so it's not your fault although I understand why they can make you feel guilty. Will it ease the guilt to tell your DH, and will it cause another problem?

Haven't told him about crushes but have mentioned about inappropriate behaviour of colleagues and he thinks it's in my head.

We had a great night and today the DC are off to in laws.

I have huge self esteem issues which are not visible in RL and our discussions on here have made me worry about being seen as a 'easy up for it' girl, so my crushes are all evaporated.

DH wanting me and making me feel needed last night and this morning have helped too.

Sorry, again I'm putting all my thoughts on here and probably not explaining it well. It probably has come across as a bit superficial but the crushes are as a consequence of me not feeling needed and desired due to the daily grind of life..I'm now working on that with DH as well as being assertive/ having credibility in the workplace.