His wife is messaging me.

[HappyGoLuckyGirl]

Back story: met a guy through work who turned out to be married with kids. I ended it, although it was very drawn out and went back and forth for about a month.

Shortly after I ended it, his wife turned up at my house. She was polite, as was I, and I did the best to give her the answers she needed.

It's been a month and me and him have had no contact at all. But she's messaged me via her mum's facebook not once, not twice but three times since Monday asking if we've been in touch.

Because I hadn't replied she has found my cousin on facebook and messaged her asking her for my number.

I did message her back, being truthful and saying we hadn't had any contact since and apologising again. Then my cousin rang and told me about the message she got.

What do I do? This woman knows where I live. I have a young son.

I'm probably over reacting.

You slept with her husband. She has a broken heart. You show some bloody sympathy. You have to understand what she is going through. You answer politely that you have not seen him and you are sorry. End of. She will hate you because she loves him.
You, in her head, ruined her life and it is only when she starts to heal that she will start to forgive you. Take it as a lesson - do your homework, you knew him through work therefore other colleagues would have known he was married.

Shame you didn't think of that pre shag....

You have told her the truth ....leave it at that.

She's being absolutely ridiculous.

You've done more than you needed to by meeting her. Your relationship was with her husband, not with her.

If this woman contacts you, tell her not to do so again. If she does, tell the police.

Having a faithless husband does not give her the right to stalk and harass you.

Bit harsh Purple, she's only asking.

OP- I think you should just carry on doing what you're doing. Stay calm, polite and truthful.

She's going through hell and is unlikely to be thinking straight but from what you've said there's nothing to suggest she going to try to hurt you or anything.

Don't enter into correspondence. Her problem is that she doesn't trust her husband, and with good reason. You've already explained yourself so there's no need to do it again. I'm not even sure you should have let her interview you the first time. Drop all contact now.

I think that ia a bit unfair Purple, OP ended the relationship when she found put he was married ( not sure how it was drawn out but going from available info) it's the husband who has broken hearts here.

op didn't know about the wife, and also presumably has suffered a relationship breakdown as she evidently thought she had met someone worth a relationship, then found out he was a cheat. Not sure how that justifies the wife contacting her family - but hopefully now that you have responded to her she won't feel the need to contact you again. I imagine it was just panic on her part trying to find out information.

I would explain that you haven't had nor do you intend to have any further contact with her husband and tell her that you will not be communicating with her again through any means and you would appreciate it if she could stop harassing your family too.

Yes, you screwed up but by the sounds of it you were genuinely unaware so he's at fault not you.

I think the first time she had a right to know. However she obviously has an untrustworthy DH and as long as you have told her you have no further contact with him that should be it.

Tell her that you understand why she is questioning you, you're very sorry, you have nothing to do with her husband now, you have a child to raise, and you won't be responding any further.

Bit baffled why OP is meant to know when a man is married. Meeting him through work doesn't mean others knew he was married - I met plenty of people through work and haven't been aware of their marital status except for the people I worked with day to day.

Anyway, I'd wait and see if it becomes a problem before doing or saying anything further. If she continues to contact you I would say "I have no intention of having any contact with your DH again so you really don't need to keep checking.

And point her in the direction of MN so we can tell her to LTB.

I was in a similar situation - extended every sympathy/courtesy to the wronged wife, didn't do anything when she started calling me at work, turning up at my door and ranting at my 14 year old, driving past my car staring in at me. Then one day I got fed up of that and waved at her as she stared. Cue her calling the police saying I was harassing her. And again when apparently I drew up alongside her in my car.

You will have to be cruel to be kind, esp if she is drawing others into the situation now. Without minimising the fact her world has blown apart, her cheating husband is her only problem, not you. Do not let her carry on bothering you.

I would tell your cousin to block her.

Erm...thanks Purple and Scoop. I didn't know he was married and I've been nothing but sympathetic with her. Even when she turned up, unannounced, to my house when I was putting my toddler to bed.

Thanks for everyone else's replies. I did reply (before I knew of her contact with my cousin) being honest and apologetic. Again.

I'm just worried that this is going to keep happening. As if I didn't feel bad enough as it was, I now have this to contend with every time she panics?

I think if she messages me again I will reply and say I've told her all I can and would appreciate it if she left me alone and kept my family out of it.

usualsuspect I have done. she didn't reply either.

Oops, apologies wooooosual

Very unfair Purple. Like it was all the OP's fault and nothing to do with OM. Anyway OP I think you should stop contact too, it's not down to you to make her trust her DH again

Gosh Tongue hope you managed to sort that out!

You didn't know he was married and you have answered enough questions. Tell her not to contact you again. If she continues to send text messages I'd tell her I was thinking of contacting the police. But probably wouldn't unless she kept on texting.

I can understand why she is doing what she is doing. But involving your family will cause all sorts of shit.

All you can do is be honest with her, and if it carries on, I know this sounds cruel but you need to block her on FB too.

Perhaps you could politely tell her that you decided to be totally NC with him, what with the deception, hurt etc and that means NC with anyone connected with him ie her. You could say that now you have clarified this you'd be grateful if she would avoid asking your family to bypass your decision.

I've blocked her, him, her friends, family. I even changed my name so she couldn't find me. Seems she was really determined.

Drop contact. Don't reply. When someone gets back with a cheat there are a million unanswered questions that keep them awake nights - sometimes for years. You really don't need that. He should be answering the questions, not you

She's obviously done some pretty heavy stalking.

I feel for her, she's obviously in a bad place.

That's my thought pattern, Cog

But I don't want to be awful to her because I feel partly to blame for the way she feels now.

I disagree with most of the posters OP. I think you need to cut her some slack.

You have come out of this mess relatively unscathed - you didn't have much invested in the relationship, there was an unpleasant month, a bit of a showdown with his wife, and then you were able to return to your life. She has had her word turned upside down, her life is a mess, she's feeling devastated and betrayed.

She's left you alone for a full month, and then clearly something has made her anxious again (maybe her beloved husband is having a new affair), and she contacted you for reassurance. From what you've said, she only sent repeated messages because you didn't reply.

I would say that a polite reply to her questions once a month is not too much to ask of the woman who, albeit unwittingly, has been instrumental in breaking her heart. Just answer her questions when she asks them, I don't it'll last long anyway.