His wife is messaging me.

[HappyGoLuckyGirl]

Back story: met a guy through work who turned out to be married with kids. I ended it, although it was very drawn out and went back and forth for about a month.

Shortly after I ended it, his wife turned up at my house. She was polite, as was I, and I did the best to give her the answers she needed.

It's been a month and me and him have had no contact at all. But she's messaged me via her mum's facebook not once, not twice but three times since Monday asking if we've been in touch.

Because I hadn't replied she has found my cousin on facebook and messaged her asking her for my number.

I did message her back, being truthful and saying we hadn't had any contact since and apologising again. Then my cousin rang and told me about the message she got.

What do I do? This woman knows where I live. I have a young son.

I'm probably over reacting.

They also found out recently that she has cancer. Which is making me feel even worse. I genuinely feel so sorry for her. But at the same time...I don't want her messaging my family on fb.

You can't fix this. You can't make her husband faithful. You can't cure her illness. Let the not so sleepy dog lie. You have your own life and your own responsibilities

Hang on, the OP reads to me as though she didn't know he was married.

Some people don't share their personal life with the people they work with. (Friend nearly ended up in bigamist marriage, we socialised, went on holiday with them and never ever suspected a thing).

You've been honest and polite?
Well then you 'owe' her nothing more.

Though, sorry here OP I wonder if you were not the only other woman?
Could she have caught him contacting someone else and be assuming you?

Sorry this has happened to you. You've been as deceived as his wife, though socially you'll get less support.

Hands up, until friend I thought all 'other women' who claimed they didn't know were kidding themselves. I didn't know 'normal' people could be that duplicitous.

Fuck was I, were we wrong. . .

In the scale of things you are an innocent party, if she carries on its harressment.

Sorry this has happened to you & her, he's less than a stain on your shoe

Sorry slow typer. . . .

Yeah I know but you aren't really. It's always possible of course that her husband has/had another woman on the go too, so he's still behaving dodgily and she assumes it's with you. She might fear that you going incognito is more to cover up any further contact than to escape from her, if you see what I mean?

Yeah, maybe be has got other women. I hope not. She seemed such a lovely woman.

He is such a twat.

I would send her one more message.

Dear Wife

You need to understand that I did not know you existed during my relationship with your husband. I am sorry you have been betrayed (hurt?) but my relationship with him is now over. I have not been in contact with him, I will not be in contacting him and I do not wish to hear from either of you again.

Please do not get in touch with me, and refrain from contacting other members of my family. I have nothing more to say to you.

Yours, HappyGoLucky

If she tries again after that then yes I think a harassment warning would be in order.

So not only does she have a broken heart she has cancer. Grief makes people do irrational things and she is grieving. She will not be able to forgive you until she heals. You slept with her husband. You have told her your version - he has probably told her something completely different. He will want to make you the enemy.
It's a mess and sympathy should lie with the wife. How long were you with him OP?

She could still find you on FB if she creates another profile. You might have changed your name but it's unlikely you changed the /your name part (many people forget about that).

So if you're facebook.com/happygolucky then changing your name doesn't change that. You'll have to change that too (and it won't affect your friends).

You were the third party in her marriage but you aren't anymore and you have told her this. Part of the price for staying with a cheat is the not knowing, she can not keep looking to you for reassurance or to corroborate her H's stories.

Tell her one last time, you are NC with her H and you will continue to be NC with her H and this is the last time you will reply to her. Inform her that If she tries to contact you directly or indirectly again, you will consider it harassment and will contact the Police.

I would explain that you haven't had nor do you intend to have any further contact with her husband and tell her that you will not be communicating with her again through any means and you would appreciate it if she could stop harassing your family too.

You need to emphasize it STOPS. Her problem is with her husband.

'sympathy should lie with the wife'

It's not an dried either/or. We can feel sympathy for the OP as well as the wife.

If the DW was posting here 'should I keep contacting the OW?'.... I think, in the circumstances, the replies would tend towards 'no'. She'd be told to retain her dignity and self respect rather than chasing the easy target and to 'LTB' or to seek counselling with the husband (assuming they are still together) with good wishes for her treatment.

Thank you for all the lovely posts. I was expecting at least a little flaming.

She hasn't replied to my message so I'm hoping that's that and she will leave me alone.

As much as I feel for all she is going through, I need to get over this too. He hurt me as well and I, in turn, played a part in hurting her. It's a lot to process.

But thank all of you for the kind words.