Hurt by husband comments

[peg90]

Hi everyone,
This is my first post so apologies if abbreviations are wrong or I'm not making sense.
Small background, I've been with dh for 4.5 years and married for 1.5. Generally everything is good but he's been caught out lying to me before (twice) one of which made me leave home for a few days. That's sorted but I don't really trust him.

He always says I can look at this phone whenever he wants so I do (have only done this 3 or 4 times as I'm a generally nosey cow).

Long story short, I was on his whatsapp yesterday and found some messages from June when he was working in malta. They were to one of the guys he works with saying that the women in malta are hotties and that he was in the mood to see some titties. Neither of these words are ones I've heard him use before. He then said he could smell tits within a hundred feet.
I know this is such a pathetic small problem but it's eating me up and I have no real interest in speaking to him. He knows how much I struggle with self esteem and my feelings towards stuff like this. He also sent a photo of what looked like a strip club to the same bloke at that time.

I don't know what I'm expecting from you all but just had to write it down and try and get some opinions. I don't really want to bring it up with him because he'll get grumpy that I've been snooping. (I realise this is a major problem but it's just what I do).

Again, I'm sorry if this makes no sense and if I've offended anyone with my snooping.

Thanks x

Doesn't that imply they don't want sex with their wives too?

No, I don't think that's part of the definition. Just the type of sex, for example they wouldn't want to watch their wife rub her shaven vulva on a man's crotch for money.

I guess lots of women can talk about intimate stuff with their female friends and a lot of them can be pretty crude and wouldn't necessarily want their partners to hear.

But this isn't about intimate stuff, it's not about sex, it's about control and power.

Fair point.
I think what people might say when with mates and trying to show off is not necessarily what they are.
Actions louder than words and all that.
Not that it isn't distasteful, just don't think it's anything majorly to panic about.

I think what people might say when with mates and trying to show off is not necessarily what they are.

I think we all sometimes say things we regret. However, if this included opinions and comments from my partner that were misogynistic, racist or homophobic (for example) that wouldn't be ok with me. I wouldn't "panic" but I would act.

Do 'tits' smell? Mine don't.

He sounds abhorrent. He is a man that believes women are there purely for his enjoyment and this has rubbed off on you too. Women are not female dogs and sulking has nothing to do with gender. Doing anything like a women should not be an insult anyway. Do you understand that? Posters weren't attacking you, they were shocked at what you said and why.

Do 'tits' smell? Mine don't.

OPs DH can smell them.

I think we can all smell a knob though?

Vivacia u definitely got plenty of time on ur hands why don't u become a relationship councillor, instead of trying to fight down everyone's words.

I think posters are right to challenge sexist remarks, in the same way I hope that they would speak out against racism or homophobic comments, for example.
You say people have a right to speak out about racism on here, you just get more abusive and rude outrage comments. Like its a privilege to be 'white'

sammy, did that make sense to you when you posted it ?

sammy, did that make sense to you when you posted it ?

Sorry sammy, I too tried to understand what you were saying unsuccessfully.

Well I suppose in the end, it is what is acceptable to the OP, not what is acceptable to us. Personally I don't get men who have no principles and I don't get women who think that is ok.

I think in the first post sammy's saying that I tried to shut lolo down. That was not my intention, and even if it was, I certainly don't get the impression that lolo was squashed by me!

Wasn't for you to get in the first place

Vivacia was for which I replied to some on the comments that you mentioned in some of your posts. As you would know as you have written them out.

It might be best if your comments were comprehendable when posting on a public website. It's a starting point in meaningful discourse, IME.

No one speak out for racism on here only the minority, fact.

My ex would speak like that.

He was also a cheater.

Glad he's my ex.

from your OP: "I don't really trust him."

Your relationship is dead, then.
Possibly with good reason, ind, but dead nonetheless.

I can write which ever way I wish to. Whether its intellect or slang.

Of course you can write how you want but you have to make it comprehensible else what's the point?? By the way, are you the op? You seem very similar

Nanfucker after having a name like that, can you really say anything to me? By the way I am not the op nor do I know the op just a stander by saying what I believe I should say. Poor women can't even come back on her own thread to talk. What's that saying?!

Oh ssshhhh now. We're adults here we can swear. You're what? 24?

I love it that you think that how lovely of you. But I'm leaving this uneducated coversation to you.