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Original poster

What do you do when so lonely?

31 replies

Crumblevision · 22/10/2014 21:13

Semi regular name changed.

I am so achingly lonely. Have been single for several years and no relationships/flings/ons in that time at all. I have a very busy job and DC but I long for someone to chat to, have a glass of wine, go out on a date with. Tried online dating but no good. How can I deal with this loneliness?

I don't know what I am hoping to achieve by posting. I suppose I feel silly about telling my friends and family that I am lonely. I have hobbies, although am unable to get out much in the evenings due to small DC.

Every now and then I get swamped by feeling like this.

Thanks for reading Thanks

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 22/10/2014 21:18

I am really sorry. Is it a relationship you are looking for simply more time spent with friends ?

AnyFucker · 22/10/2014 21:19

or

whitsernam · 22/10/2014 21:19

I love getting outside. Walks can be great for getting your thoughts onto something else, like the beauty of the sky or birds, or whatever. A good book. I usually finish the evening reading in a nice hot bath!!

Decorating and making repairs around the house and garden. Learning about something new, like a language and culture, science, etc.

Even poking around on the Internet. Stumble Upon is a good site for finding things you never knew existed....

yummytummy · 22/10/2014 21:19

Hi no answer op but I know how you feel. Am lonely too and also stuck at home in evenings with small dcs. Agree online dating is no good. Maybe someone will come along with ideas soon but sending you hugs x

CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/10/2014 21:21

Sorry you're so lonely. I don't think your friends and family would say you were silly if you told them how you felt. Do you feel like you should appear to be coping? Would you believe you'd let yourself down or appeared vulnerable if you admitted this?

As a lone parent myself, I found it vital to have evening social activities to look forward to. I booked a neighbour as a regular sitter and went out, rain or shine. Cost a few quid but it was a lifeline. Are friends and family near enough to babysit?

Original poster
Crumblevision · 22/10/2014 21:23

Thanks all. AF it is a relationship that I want eventually. I am in no hurry to live with anyone, or have more children, but having a mutually exclusive "thing" with someone very nice would be lovely. It is not often that I feel like this but when it floods over me I indulge in a one stop self pity party!

OP posts:
Original poster
Crumblevision · 22/10/2014 21:25

Thanks Cogito. I do have babysitters and get out semi regularly. It's just the missing a man part that I am aching for at the moment. I think my friends and family would be shocked if they knew how I am feeling. Generally people view me as a "strong one". Ha if only they knew!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 22/10/2014 21:25

That's a difficult one, especially if you have relatively high standards in a partner Halloween Smile

Any chance of meeting someone at work ?

Original poster
Crumblevision · 22/10/2014 21:27

There is no one at work at present. I guess it is possible. I am generally not defeatist but I just want to stamp my feet and shout "it's NOT FAIR"!

OP posts:
Ohbollocksandballs · 22/10/2014 21:32

Im feeling a bit like this and it's only been a few months! Thanks for you.

Original poster
Crumblevision · 22/10/2014 21:39

Thanks and Wine to you all.

OP posts:
Hesaysshewaffles · 22/10/2014 21:42

I feel it too. I've told friends but they just don't understand as surely I should be happy enjoying being on my own and doing what I want..."yeah right".

I tried OLD too POF and then Tinder. I actually found tinder better and at my age I didnt attract twats. Giving it a break and then giving it another go.

If one more person says it will happen when it happens I may have to cause them physical pain.

I'm not looking for husband but just a bit of attention.

Ohbollocksandballs · 22/10/2014 21:46

The one I hate the most is, 'don't look, it will come to you'.

Oh really, I'll just sit here in my festive socks drinking my bodyweight in tea and hopefully someone will knock on the door?

Original poster
Crumblevision · 22/10/2014 21:51

Exactly right Hesay and Ohbollocks. Friends say "I know there is someone just around the corner for you". Well, where the fuck is he then?!

OP posts:
Hesaysshewaffles · 22/10/2014 21:56

They are so clueless. I say I'm lonely and they throw back that I have to be happy on my own before I look for someone. Hmm I've been on my own for bloody ages! I can hack being on my own, but I want someone now!

It gets to a stage where I actually can't be bothered to involve them and that makes me feel even more lonely!

Pearl372 · 22/10/2014 22:03

Have you tried " Meetup " social networking site.

Original poster
Crumblevision · 22/10/2014 22:05

I haven't heard of Meetup, will look into it. Thanks.

OP posts:
HappyHalloweenMotherFucker · 22/10/2014 22:09

A better "class" of OD ?

Smooth dating, Guardian Soulmates ?

< have namechanged midthread, sorry >

thisisnow · 22/10/2014 22:11

I get very lonely too, no idea why as I have a partner and a couple of friends. Have joined meetup and going to my second meet this week Grin

Original poster
Crumblevision · 22/10/2014 22:12

Thank you, I haven't heard of Smooth Dating. Will also have a look at Soulmates too. Will keep you updated.

OP posts:
ThatWasThat · 22/10/2014 22:16

Oh I know this one! You need to split this need into parts or you will get muddled. There's sex, companionship, fun, support, etc. Don't hope to get it from one person (although that might end up the way it works in the end). Break it down in parts, and you will find what works for you.

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker · 22/10/2014 22:29

Heard of Smooth Radio ? It's them.

NoToast · 22/10/2014 22:37

looks at festive socks
looks at teapot
has sudden sinking feeling

happyandsingle · 22/10/2014 22:58

It's been seven years single for me op so know how you feel. Had a brief fling for four months a little while back but to be honest I wished it had not happened at all as it gave me a taste of being back in a relationship again and just as I was enjoying it the rug was pulled from under me and I was left back to where I started again .....single.
Sorry not much advice but know what your going through,wish I knew the answer myself.

SelfLoathing · 22/10/2014 23:18

Someone once suggested to me that if you feel really lonely and down because you don't have a relationship that booking a massage can help. It's something to do with humans needing physical touch.

I 100% get where you are coming from and I feel the same. If you can afford it, a massage does help.

I'd be very interested to hear other ideas about this - for me it's not so much loneliness as an overwhelming need for physical affection. I don't mean sex - but just hand holding, a cuddle, kissing, someone stroking your hair - that kind of thing. A kind touch...