"I love you but not in love with you"

[kas1234]

I'd really like to know if anyone has ever been able overcome rough patches where the above has been said. I don't want to go into detail but I desperately don't want to loose him.
I would really appreciate hearing some positive tales. Please nothing like 'theres plenty more fish in the sea' - I really want to get through this, it was all very sudden and 3 weeks ago we were completely fine!

I am sorry to say that in every case I have heard that sentence uttered (mine included), there has been an affair

I think LaQueen is right. If someone has their mind set on this the only dignified response is to tell them you deserve better. Whether it works out being sorted out or not, I think it's important to respect yourself enough to accept nothing less than what we all deserve...as LaQueen said to be with someone who thinks we are amazing and fantastic. I suppose if someone doesn't think that, being with them is pretty horrible.

I can't say I understand all this, but the way I work when I love someone is that I have made a choice and a commitment to be with that person, and once the honeymoon period is over and I get to truly know who they are the love I feel for them ebbs and flows yes, dependent on what else is going on in life, how I feel about myself, how they are behaving etc. but the basis of that love (ie: thinking they are an amazing and fantastic person) is still there and for me that is always worth fighting for and working on because it just isn't that easy to find.

I do think people in general say they have "fallen out of love" but completely miss the point of marriage - which is falling in love multiple times with the same person. It makes me very sad, and it broke my heart when it happened to me.

I do think people in general say they have "fallen out of love" but completely miss the point of marriage - which is falling in love multiple times with the same person

That's beautifully put, Won. (tearing up now)

That's lovely LaQueen, I'd say you were lucky but it's more than that, it's a choice and a dedicated effort to have a good marriage I think.

I read somewhere your best chance for a happy marriage is your current marriage. Not saying that is always true, obviously some people have awful marriages, but so many people miss the point and forget to look at their spouse as the amazing and fantastic person they married. Then they convince themselves in their head they will be magically happy elsewhere and it rarely works out that way.

It's particularly sad when one spouse does not give the other a chance to work on whatever it is that is causing the dissatisfaction before running into the arms of someone new :(

Having been on the receiving end of those exact words for about six months. I found out it was his way of getting me to leave him as he was plotting his life with the OW.

I think it depends on circumstances as previously ppl have mentioned but if I ever heard it again I think I'd maintain my dignity and tell them they can fuck off. If it gets to a stage where someone says that without telling you that they aren't happy/problems I think they are saying it for a reason.

Sorry OP

Won that is how I felt about my ex. I fell in love several times.. it just came and went... but it didn't really go if that makes sense?

LaQueen is right. He's damned you with faint praise. Don't be anyones plan b.