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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why do sooo many people suddenly want to leave?

31 replies

Easy · 12/04/2004 17:59

I've been a mumsnetter for nearly 3 years now, but I'm astounded by the number of threads there have been over the last 2 - 3 weeks about or by people wanting to end their relationships.

Is there something in the air, an astrological disturbance, an article printed somewhere that has got people thinking how unhappy they are?

I'm not making light of this, just genuinely intruiged as to why so many have suddenly rebelled against their situation.

OP posts:
wobblyknicks · 12/04/2004 18:02

I've thought about this and I think its just the nature of Mumsnet. People don't feel compelled to post that they're in a happy stable relationship so its only the 'bad' ones that show. Also, MN is a fantastically brilliant place to get help and support about a relationship breaking down (am speaking from personal experience) so everyone who needs help posts here.

wobblyknicks · 12/04/2004 18:04

or a much simpler explanation........maybe there's just too many a**eholes around these days!!!

Galaxy · 12/04/2004 20:37

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kiwisbird · 12/04/2004 20:39

joining Mn has actually made me more appreciative of my DH and thankful for the lovely relationship we have...
A lot of the latest breakups are down to male infidelity and him leaving...
Indeed here is a good place to vent as someone here has been through it (sadly so lately) and it is anonymous but with a loving caring supportive feel...

Flip · 12/04/2004 20:46

I agree with kiwisbird. I appreciate my dh so much more. He really is one in a million. I think that perhaps mumsnet is a great source of support for these people making important decisions in their lives. Why stay in an abusive relationship or where someone has been unfaithful? If mumsnet gives people support to stand of their own two feet then good for mumsnet! There are a lot of single mums and dads on this site and they prove it can be done.

But that's just my opinion. I have the upmost respect for those single parents out there.

expatkat · 12/04/2004 21:23

Maybe people are talking about it suddenly, but acually have been having these feelings for years? (There is usually a lot of denial before one finally admits to serious marital problems.) So I don't think a conclusion can be drawn about the disintegration of relationships just because talk on mumsnet has been more intense than usual on the subject. And I'm sure I'm oversensitive, but the question itself seems to trivialize the anxiety someone in such a situation might feel. Asking "Is it the water? Is it the allignment of the planets?" makes unhappiness seem like a giant bandwagon, the next faddish thing. Which is a little embarrassing to someone actually in that situation.

sis · 13/04/2004 10:10

I'm with Expatkat - also, the fact that once someone has actually said that they are unhappy and want to leave and are not immediately shot down in flames, may prompt others in the same situation to post without fear of a negative response.

grumpyzebra · 13/04/2004 10:14

Maybe it's seasonal, cold weather in this country drags on forever and waiting for sunshine weather we all become rather fed up with everything else, too? Not sure if that's a completely silly theory, actually.

bloss · 13/04/2004 13:16

Message withdrawn

Nutcracker · 13/04/2004 13:26

Well i told my dp last night that i want our relationship to finish. It wasn't a sudden thing really, i had wanted to end it for ages but didn't have the courage really.
If i had never found MN then i probably still wouldn't have ended it. People on here have made me realise that my life could be so much better, and that people do get through it in one peice.
Without the support that i am already recieving off people on here i would of been destined to spend the rest of my life in misery.

dinosaur · 13/04/2004 13:27

Nutcracker, I hadn't seen this before. Big hugs to you - am thinking of you.

(Sorry, Easy, off-topic of your thread, but was just thinking about Nutty this morning.)

Galaxy · 13/04/2004 13:34

message withdrawn

Nutcracker · 13/04/2004 13:39

Thanks guys . Still feel a bit wobbly about it today but i'm determined to see it through.

collision · 13/04/2004 16:38

Sorry to hijack the thread, Easy, but hoping Nutty is OK. Nutty....I will start a thread for you if you want to chat about it and tell us how you are. How was DP about it?

spacemonkey · 13/04/2004 16:40

I was thinking the same thing easy

I haven't posted about it but my dp moved out last week, so add another one to the statistics!

Nutcracker · 13/04/2004 16:40

There is a chat thread somewhere. Fd started it last night. I'll go find it.

dinosaur · 13/04/2004 16:42

spacemonkey -

spacemonkey · 13/04/2004 16:44

thanks dinosaur - it was an amicable split, and he isn't the father of the children, so it wasn't dreadfully traumatic, although it's always sad when a relationship ends one way or another

i absolutely agree with nutty - MN has given me the confidence to face life as a single person - SB and FF particularly have unknowingly given me a lot of strength to do it

Galaxy · 13/04/2004 16:46

message withdrawn

spacemonkey · 13/04/2004 16:47

Nutty - you can do it. It will be hard but you'll be SO much happier for it and you can count on MN support X

Nutcracker · 13/04/2004 16:49

I found it........... Message for Nutcracker under Chat.

Cheers Spacemonkey

Original poster
Easy · 13/04/2004 21:00

Sorry if I've offended, not intending to trivialize expatkat, just really bemused, because there seem to be so many ATM. Perhaps when one person starts posting about their relationship problems it does make others feel they can talk about their feelings, rather than trying to hide them all the time.

I just feel it's so very sad when people have built a family together, with all the emotional investment that takes, to find that they can't live together any more. Our relationship hasn't been all plain sailing by any means, but we manage to sail thru the choppy bits (hanging on and gritting teeth), and have always got back to calm waters so far.

I DO understand about unfaithful husbands. I know I wouldn't be able to get back from that (please God I'll never have the experience), but several people just seem to have grown to dislike their partners to a point beyond reconcilliation, and I just don't see how that happens. Perhaps it's partly that we were older when we got together (early 30's), so haven't changed beyond recognition since then.

As I said, no offence meant, and good luck to all going thru that trauma ATM

OP posts:
expatkat · 13/04/2004 21:06

No offense taken, Easy--and you turned out to be right! It seems like mumsnet has given lots of people the strength & support to leave. I also think there's something to the theory that mumsnet lends itself to negative relationship stories as opposed to positive ones. . .boasting about your own fantastic relationship would be a little strange, as others said. It really IS an interesting question, Easy. Apologies for my oversensitivity.

Galaxy · 13/04/2004 21:42

message withdrawn

Original poster
Easy · 13/04/2004 21:46

Galaxy,

I think it's fine to talk about the good relationships, in fact, I think those of us lucky enough to have them SHOULD boast about it. If people talking about their difficulties encourages others with difficulties to come out in the open, then hopefully we could do the same on the more positive side.

OP posts: