21 year age gap

[WhoeverYouWantMeToBe]

My partner and I have been together for nearly 2 years. We get on with each otherâ??s dc/family really well and our relationship is fantastic. The only â??issueâ?? is he is just over 21 years older than me. Me being 28 and him 49. The age gap isn't noticeable at the moment apart from when he references things from before I was born.
I am quite a practical and pragmatic person unfortunately, and recently I canâ??t help but ponder (and worry) about the future of our relationship or how things will be in 5, 10, 20+ years time (39 and 60 sounds like an even bigger age gap for some reason). I really would love more dc and he does too, despite his age, but again I have reservations about going ahead with that due to his age. I am concerned I will have elderly parents and an older partner to look after (and Iâ??ll still be working), and - if we did have dc - dependent children to look after as well. And the thought of growing old alone makes me feelâ?¦. I have been making more of an effort to live in the moment and not stress about the future and just go with it, as no-one can predict the future. BUT I feel that with such an older partner the odds of the issues that concern me do have a much higher risk of happening. On the other hand I think itâ??d take a stronger woman than me to end such a good and happy relationship just because of the age gap, the idea of leaving someone I love makes no sense. How can I stop worrying and overthinking about all the other stuff though? Argh.

Does midlife crisis exist? My 46year old (im28) dh had an affair, and he's changed somehow, of course since his affair I've changed too.

I think it does exist for many people, Stuck, though some people are just thoughtless, selfish people who will blame their actions on anything other than themselves.

Tbh, I reckon you will have changed more than he has due to his affair. Your innocence is lost; it can never return. That's what I found, anyway.

Yes, I'm now no longer a trusting person and less reliant- little things even like being terrified of motorway driving he had to do it, now I'm quite happy driving on the motorway... Last week at work someone panicked & moved me away from a spider (a few months back if been squealing when one was on me), this time I moved back & said I don't care anymore- the kids come to me to get them now..
I've just started s thread on it (midlife crisis) and will give it a Google..

It seems to me that it works for those who are compatible but not for those who aren't. Same with any relationship surely? You win Mrs fox any advance on 26 years? OP.. hope you've enjoyed the responses, I'm certainly enjoying reading about other age gap couples. Good luck

Stuckinastorm. Apologies I didn't see page 3. If my dp had an affair I would be devastated and couldn't reconcile. I need to believe that we are 'against all odds' soul mates to overcome the age difference, parents disapproval, people staring. If he didn't believe that too I couldn't continue in relationship. I hope you are ok

In my opinion, life is too short to worry about an age gap, if you're happy live for now! I've had two husbands who were pretty much same age as me - the first had affairs with two of my best friends, he raped me and beat me several times before I saw sense. I have two beautiful DC by my second husband, but after years of working opposite shifts, I drifted apart, was terribly unhappy and eventually left him.

I am now in a relationship with a man 15 years younger than me (I am 40) and I have honestly never been happier. We have our own hobbies so we have an even split of time together and apart, we have a similar sense of humour and my DC absolutely adore him. He makes me feel happy and safe, but at the same time I do not feel pressure in trying to make the relationship work - it just does!

I wouldn't change that for the world and we have talked marriage and possibly having a DC together. Eighteen months ago I was terrified of what the future held for me, whether I would still have been in an unhappy marriage for the sake of the DC etc but I am taking hold of life now in both hands and I'm gonna enjoy the ride!!

Interesting one. It's not something I would choose I don't think.

However, re the caring for the partner thing, there are only four years between my mum and dad. He has been retired since his 50s, and she has only been retired for 3 years. She still finds herself being his full time carer due to his dementia.

Some things don't go according to plan.

I'm 58 DH 78, we met when I was 17 married at 21. He had children and I didn't really want any so it was a surprise when I found myself pregnant at 31 despite being on the pill - DS is now 26 :-) DH was over 50 when he was born and is the best Dad a child could wish for. Yes he's slowing down but he has a young outlook and is still working 3 days a week. He is the love of my life and I know no one will ever love me as much as he does - if I have to become his carer I will and will not begrudge a day spent looking after him.
It's not always the older person that needs the carer, I have friends who are much younger than me who have poor health and need care from their other half.
OP if you love each other that's all that matters.

Thanks everyone I am really enjoying reading all your stories and thoughts, whether positive or negative

whoever what are your thoughts about your relationship now?

Found this thread really interesting. There are 19 years between DH and me. (He's the older one).

We went to a rock gig last night - I wanted seated tickets, he insisted on standing and accused me of being an old fart

THe future worries me; mainly health concerns. We are fortunate enough that we will be mortgage free in a few years, and my job is such that it will be possible to work on a freelance or part-time basis when he does retire. If things go to plan re my further qualifications, this won't have too negative an impact on our finances.

I love him dearly; he is my best friend and although there is more chance of me ending up as his carer due to the age gap, no one knows what the future will hold. I feel lucky to share my life with him, whether that be for twenty years or forty years.

Thanks to this thread it got me thinking, please see my new thread 'is midlife crisis real'.... If love opinions on how some of you have coped, perhaps because I'm still in my 20s is never thought about it before, this has made me see it's probably where dh is at now :/ advice much appreciated

Stuck, I feel a bit more at ease now - done some thinking and I know deep down that I can't walk away from him just because of his age. Would rather have x amount of time with him than no more time at all will take a look at your own thread when I get another minute

:-) good for you x