Help me to feel better

[Headspaceneeded]

Today I have split up from P - his choice and he is starting to see someone else. We have only been together 6 months but I feel as though I have been ripped apart. I have recently lost my mother and am very tired from a work project. So I know that I am not in the best of places either. I am moving to a new job in a fortnight but will have to still see him at work for the next two weeks.
I feel like a knife is being twisted into my heart when I think of him and just want to go away and hide. Please give me some tips to get me through this and to help me manage the work situation.

and the knowledge that you are worth so much more!

dorry to hear about your mum x

I'm not sure what to say but I really feel for you. (hug)

I sadly don't drink and I know that I am worth more but I really care about him and just can't turn that off.

I just wish it didn't hurt so much

Hold your head high and know that you are better off without him. Embrace the new job and do your mum proud.

Thanks Penfold. That is good advice. I will survive and I will show him. Just don't want to wallow in self pity and although seeing him for the next two weeks, saying goodbye and not seeing him after that is going to be tough!

remember the bad/dodgy bits about him and the relationship. theres always something

Take the opportunity life is giving you to make a fresh start. Good on you to get a new job! Start dating, meet new people, enroll in an evening class. When one door shuts down on us, there many other potentially there to be opened. But first of all, don't stop believing in yourself, and don't let this affect your self-esteem. Treat yourself well, to hairdresser, clothes, meals with friends.... There's a lot in life to enjoy, don't shut yourself down because of this experience.

Just accept that the gods didn't think this man was good enough for you! That there is another man waiting somewhere to sweep you off your feet and give you the life you deserve!

Sorry to hear things are looking so bleak. You are in shock at the moment - it's all very new and raw, and you are still grieving too.

Be kind to yourself for the moment. When you're ready, start thinking of the things you can now do which you couldn't before. I liked having complete freedom to watch what I wanted on TV, for example. And make plans for the future. Some people like to redecorate. Or move furniture around.

But that's for the future. For now, be kind to yourself and give yourself time. Let the emotions wash over you and know that this stage isn't forever.

Thank you all so much for your kindness. I just want to stop hurting and know I will. Feel cross with myself for feeling like this.

Take one minute at a time. Remember to take care of yourself as best you can, eat and sleep. Don't hold it in (you have to at work though). Grieve for your loss of the relationship. The more you let it out now, the better you will come out the other end. So sorry about your mom. Maybe she thought you could do better?
It will get better soon.

I am sorry that you are having such a rough time. Please grit your teeth for the next two weeks at work, take very good care of yourself in the evenings and start your new job feeling fresher.

It will take time to grieve the loss of your relationship and the loss of your mum. Please tell yourself that the pain in your heart will get better, because it absolutely will. Also know that you will find someone better to fill it

Thank you again.
I am usually a very strong and independent person. I think the advice about being kind to myself is so true. I am going to try and plan some relaxing evenings, early nights, break out a few good books to read and gather myself back together. I also have some very good friends I need to talk to.

I know that I am a better person and deserve to be treated well. Why are emotions so irrational?? I am trying very hard to distract myself every time I start thinking about him and am trying hard not to let myself dwell on the pain.

I think your plans sound great.

Yes, emotions are a pain. I used to ignore them, as far as possible, but my counsellor told me that they tell you about yourself. I started noticing them more and accepting them, but didn't let them dictate to me what I should do, iykwim.

So, yes, it's a good idea not to let yourself think about him all the time. But it might be worth allowing yourself set times to wallow. It's a grieving process, I suppose, for the good relationship you thought you had.

I am very raw and my emotions keep bouncing between feeling angry about some of the things he said and reasons he gave for us breaking up, especially one sweeping comment about involvement with women with children. My DS is gorgeous and although he is not perfect he is pretty close! ExP has two DC himself. The things he said make me think that he is going to end up a lonely person. But the next moment the anger goes and I just feel tearful and miss him so much.
Posting here helps but I don't want to wallow in grief although I do take the point that I need to allow myself to grieve as well.
I really appreciate all the kind words and thoughts.

I think your anger was totally justified - what an idiotic comment for him to make!

Feeling such strong emotions and one after the other in quick succession can be exhausting. No wonder you feel raw. Just as important as allowing yourself time to feel, is escaping from the feelings and getting a breather. It sounds like you're getting the right balance.

Ultimately, it needs time. Which is annoying, because you probably want to fast-forward a few months and feel better immediately!

Well I managed some sleep, but have woken up feeling very sad and hurt this morning. Am going to try not to lie in bed dwelling on it all. I don't understand what is so wrong with me that I am not enough for him. He doesn't want me and yet can want someone else feels like a real rejection.

I just want to text him and tell him I love him.

It hurts so much at the moment as no-one want's to feel rejected & we all question why. The brutal truth is he didn't click with you. I don't want that to sound awful but you wouldn't stay with someone you didn't click with would you?

Don't text him, don't speak to him, don't give him any kind of nice friendly interaction..that said, don't be a grumpy cow either when you do have to see him!
From someone who is very involved with someone who doesn't like my son, i.e we're married! I would take this chance of this man not working out to be the one for you and run for the hills with your DS.

CharlotteCollins is spot on, enjoy your time as an independent woman & the one on one time your able to have with your DS.
Go shopping, get some nice new work clothes, stick some heels on, hair glossy, stand up tall & keep your self respect & dignity in tact.
He's not a loser, he' just not the one for you. Good luck for tomorrow!

I have managed pretty well today but am feeling very emotional at the moment. I just want to grab hold of him tomorrow and make him love me - I know it is madness! Obviously I will be highly professional and hold my head high and will dive into the ladies for a cry if necessary.

I just want him to love me.

Sorry I sound so sad and desperate am just feeling low this evening.

Allow yourself to feel low - it's totally understandable. Everything you want to say to him - you can write it down, just keep it safe and never ever show it to him. It might help you get it out of your head. And in a month's time you can reread it and see how far you've come.

And then maybe watch an upbeat movie to take your mind off it for a bit?

Thank you Charlotte. I do so want to feel better and feel so pathetic about going on about it. I don't really have anyone in RL that I can talk to about it so logging things here does help so sorry if I am boring everyone!

Do you not have any/many rl friends?

If so, there's something that you now have more time and freedom to do something about! When you feel strong enough.

in the meantime.

No not many friends in RL. I am a bit or a workaholic and a number of my friends are similar! I have also backed away from many of them recently so that I don't have to speak about my feelings and emotions to them.

I managed today pretty well. Was professional and polite, responding in a friendly manner and able to talk about work issues with him. I left earlier than normal and have now got home and am feeling a bit low - I think I may have hoped that he would tell me today he had made a mistake and wanted me so badly! Of course that didn't happen!

I am going to try and distract myself and do a few household jobs and then watch some TV with DS and not let myself think about him. I hope that in a few weeks time I will be able to get through a day without even giving him a second thought, let alone wanting him to declare undying love!

I just want to stop feeling sad and tearful. It's amazing how the emotions can just overwhelm you at times.