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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He doesn't want to get married.......

59 replies

mouseblue · 18/10/2014 08:11

My partner of 19 years guessed that I planned to propose to him next year to celebrate our 20 years together. We've talked about it and he says he doesn’t want to get married as it may change things. But I do want to get married. I now feel very sad and feel it’s affected our strong and loving relationship. How can I come back from this?

OP posts:
mouseblue · 19/10/2014 20:49

If he dropped dead tomorrow and I have no right to bury him then who does have the right??

OP posts:
Brassrubbing · 19/10/2014 21:29

It would depend on the jurisdiction you were living in, I believe - in some places the term 'next of kin' has legal status, in others it doesn't. I think in US law, for instance, the default next of kin of an unmarried person without adult children would be their parent. Obviously, you can nominate one another as next of kin for medical purposes, but that's another issue.

Honestly, OP, do take this seriously. The only reason my partner of more than 20 years and I got married was for these kinds of protections, after something appalling happened to someone we knew, which was almost made a million times worse because she wasn't married to her partner. (Won't say more as too outing.) We weren't keen, and were planning to go the 'draw up legal agreements that replicate as much of marriage as possible', then decided it was easier to just get married quietly with a couple of witnesses. It's only 'conventional' if you decide it is - we didn't actually get around to telling anyone for months ( in fact, we met an old friend today, who didn't know we were married), and I can honestly say it hadn't made the slightest difference in our relationship.

mouseblue · 20/10/2014 15:46

Can anyone recommend a family lawyer in Cambridge?

OP posts:
FatherReboolaConundrum · 20/10/2014 16:09

Hi OP, I've heard good things about these people though I haven't used them myself. As you'll see, they seem to specialise in things like cohabitation agreements.

NoMarymary · 20/10/2014 18:38

Ask the solicitor for an estimate of all the relevant documents you will need to secure the same rights as a married couple and then compare it to the

AlphaBravoHenryFoxtons · 20/10/2014 19:21

Ask him to transfer the house entirely into your name. That way if something happens to him you will lose him income but still own the house entirely. And if something happens to you, you can leave the house to your children to him and he will still have his salary.

mouseblue · 21/10/2014 14:48

AlphaBravoHenryFoxtons I like that suggestion! It would mean that I would have to put in my will that I would leave the house to him. as we're not married.

OP posts:
Chunderella · 21/10/2014 14:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mouseblue · 23/10/2014 18:38

Is anyone else in a similar situation, an unmarried couple, together for nearly 20 years, both committed, with children, thinking about marriage after all this time???

OP posts:
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