Question re. life insurance

[textingdisaster]

I have posted about this issue before but am coming at it from a slightly different stance.

H has in the past refused to get life insurance. Even when I have offered to pay for it. This makes me feel uneasy as I am a SAHM to three dc and certainly couldn't afford the mortgage were he to die or become incapacitated. I am trying to get back to work but even earning what I think I could earn, I wouldn't be able to cover the outgoings (also not sure what they are as h looks after all of that while I pay for all food, occasional holidays and all things dc related).

Have recently been feeling a little more confident and have come to the conclusion that he does not have the right to veto life insurance especially in light of the fact that we would be protecting the dc. So am going to bring it up in a relaxed, casual am going to check out the cost of it kind of way as am worried about not being able to look after the dc should anything happen, and see what he says. In the past however these conversations have not gone well.

He is averse to the cost of insurance and also thinks insurance is a racket. I agree with that but still need to feel a bit more secure about the future.

Am wondering why he wouldn't actually want to make sure the dc were okay if he could no longer work ??

I think you can insure someone's life if you want to, without them having to agree to it. So if you want to take out a life assurance policy on him, then you can do that.

But that doesn't answer the bigger question about why he has aproblem with it. Some people do just hate to plan ahead about their death as they feel they're 'tempting fate' by even thinking about it. Is it maybe just this?

Or is he a bit of an arse who won't actually care what happens when he's gone?

My DH took out and pays for my life insurance, nothing to do with me so I should imagine you could take one out for your DH, unless the have changed the law on it, a quick Google should tell you.

You mention a mortgage.
It used to be that you had to have life insurance to cover a mortgage, has that changed?
I think his attitude is rather irresponsible, but also it's important for you to have some kind of cover too.
If anything happened to you, would he be able to work as he does now, pay for child care and other help?

I was under the impression that h would have to sign the document even if I was the one instigating it. Yes I could (and would) get cover for in case something happened to me but it is less essential.

I don't know if the mortgage has inbuilt insurance, we don't have life insurance however (though we did a long time ago when it was just the two of us which makes even less sense).

OP, I know it's considered bad form here, but as you already mentioned that you'd posted about this before, I had a look for that post.
Your posts tell me that this is about much more than insurance, your situation is very sad.
I don't really know what else to say that hasn't already been addressed elsewhere.
I wish you luck with this, your H sounds like an arse.

H is self employed and our dc are all at school so I think he would try to jig his work around if I were not here. I think he doesn't realise that money to pay for holiday clubs and after school clubs would be helpful. In fact I have no idea what he thinks. Though I do agree that he is probably in the "not wanting to tempt fate" category.

Thanks herdy. He is difficult and I am permanently wondering if our relationship has run its course and what I should do about it. In the meantime however I want to do what I can to feel more secure.

As far as i know if you want to insure his life just do it, i dont think he has to even be aware of it, but i would have thought it was a condition of the mortgage that it had to be in place at very least to pay that off

I also wondered if the mortgage doesn't have life insurance attached. As a connected matter, do you have wills in each other's favour?

No no wills. Another thing he refuses to do. He is very resentful of how hard he works compared to me and I think that's part of it. In general however he doesn't play by anybody else's rules and is incredibly stubborn.

And it is also worrying that I don't know the first thing about any of our financial set up. Not that I think he is up to goodness knows what, but more that I wouldn't know where to start if he weren't here.

He seems set on doing things his own way with no regard to anyone else, that attitude has also extended to his lack of financial future planning.

I would seek financial advice for your own self asap.

Why actually are you together at all now?. What is keeping you here?.

The kids mainly I suppose. And the thought that I have to sort out my own end of things before I call it quits. Otherwise I will permanently be thinking that things might have been better if only I had done x, y and z.

Yes h is very detached from me. Not from the dc though.

Where would I go for financial advice?

A marriage is meant to be an equal partnership - there should be no secrets, especially about finances. His income is your livelihood and you are entirely dependent on him. Therefore you are entitled to understand, be involved in, and be consulted on anything that affects your livelihood. You should be worried.

Wills, insurance, and so on are reasonable things to have in place. Death is inevitable. Refusing to talk about it is foolish and, in the context of a selfish, arrogant and secretive man, screams 'contempt'. Being resentful just sounds nasty.... like you're some kind of sponger rather than an equal partner.

This is not a family. It's one man doing his own thing and everyone else expected to shut up and be grateful.

It's one man doing his own thing and everyone else expected to shut up and be grateful. You are probably right Cogito. It's very depressing.

When was the mortgage taken out ? Is the house in both names? Is the mortgage a joint mortgage?

What financial advice do you want? What is it you want to achieve? If you have a hostile, secretive partner who has a firm grip of the cheque book, your influence on his financial behaviour is going to be limited

No the house is in his name. Also the mortgage. Yes I know what you mean Cogito. I think h uses the fact that there is soma money in my family that may be coming to me later, as justification for thinking that I will be alright (not that he cares particularly I think). When I last brought up the issue of being on the deeds of the house we live in, he said he would not be dictated to. I think he does not want to be second guessed on anything that he does work wise and the house is very much tied up with that. All is this in addition to the fact that he is divorced and very bitter about his wife getting the family home while he got a smaller business property.

some and all of this sorry

The mortgage was taken out about 17 years ago.

If you've been married 17 years and the house was acquired in that time you do not have to be on the deeds to be deemed an equal owner of the property. Same applies to any other assets, pensions or cash that he is squirrelling away.

However, that does nothing to address his selfish, one man band attitude. When his ex wife got the family property last time, it was because it belonged equally to her. If he doesn't want to lose his home second time around, he should probably shape up and be less of an arse....

I have just taken out a life assurance policy on my STBXH so the maintance payments will be covered if he dies. Ex had to be contacted by the company to answer health questions so he would need to know and be agreeable to take a policy out.

Thanks 2014 I thought that was the case. I agree Cogito, I just don't know how to get h to value me or to change behaviour which is very ingrained.

You do realise OP that if you are still married to him when you get your "inheritance" then legally that becomes a marital asset.

If you split at that point he could take half of it.

I am bloody sure it has occurred to him if it hasn't to you.

I would be seeing a solicitor if I were you. This sounds like a miserable life for you.