The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Kicking The Wicked Wine Witch Where It Hurts! Mwahahahahahahaha!

[Mouseface]

Hey, I'm Mouse, welcome to the Bus (aka Gerald!)

We're a mixed bunch of folk, some have been here for a while, and of course we have some new additions too. It matters not one jot how long you travel with us, as long as you get something from it.

No matter your story, your needs, your fears and hopes, you CAN come on here and talk. You can cry, scream, rant, let it all out and not be judged for anything. Ever.

We've all been so very low, some have hit the very bottom of the rock, rubbed the bruising better and picked ourselves back up again but sometimes, you need a helping hand or someone to listen too.....which is why we're here, sharing our experiences, or just reading each other's and nodding as we click along.....

The support here is unconditional. :)

There are two banners down each side of Gerald, our super duper Bus saying -

1. • The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement
2. • Alcohol Fosters Inertia

We have lots of food on board, but mainly Opal fruits!!! They tend to be anything other than green, as they get snapped up vair fast indeed!

If you would like to know a bit more about how we got to where we are today, you can read these threads.

THE PREVIOUS THREAD

THE START OF THE JOURNEY

Hope to see you soon :) x

Anne try making the decision first thing in the morning and don't allow yourself to change your mind. You can say, maybe tomorrow but just not today. I used to do that and it really helped. It's only one day, you have the rest of your life to drink if you want to.

Deciding in the morning is the easiest way to do it. I found that if I left it til the afternoon I already had that ww whispering in my ear and would start to waver and try to put it off x

Evening all, ww beat me last week but I'm back and on day 2, will try my best to keep the seat warm for the rest of the week now. Got to stop this cycle, need to shift some weight so trying weightwatchers again, only this time I'm not using all the points on wine like I did last time even if I did lose 2 stone I am using them on weightwatchers crisps and chocolate instead, yum

Good Evening, tis me, Mouse.

It's been many a page since I posted on the thread. Things have been odd for me. Yes, I did my walk, about three miles on crutches with my Wolf and DH in tow.... I am still suffering and believe that I will for many days to come now that the warmer air has left us behind for crisper days.

I managed to raise £640.00+ for MacMillan Cancer Support in aid of Mum and also BHF, for the five year anniversary of my wee fish Nemo deciding that his time was not that night, he was not leaving my side, he knew that I needed him, and that he needed me :)

On Sunday, we drove up to the crem to see Mum. A whole year has passed since she closed her eyes in my arms and finally let go of the pain, the fight and the fear.

I miss her deeply.

DD came with me which made the occasion even more special and memorable for all of the right reasons. I loved her strength, she held me as I shook deep from within my core and let me tears fall without passing comment, she let me think my thoughts and remember my memories....... I am so proud of her.

I'm enjoying being sober and Becks Blue, with sliced lime, ice and slimline tonic is my current tipple.... of course now that the winter night creep up to chill us, I'll be experimenting with warming drinks, drinking chocolates that are worthy of the title of dessert, yum!

Wry - you write so beautifully, your day made my mind fill with countless days out as a child, costing little, and yet with a priceless value. The wind whipping my then long hair around my face so I turned to face it, to protect my cheeks as I walked along the promenade.....

You create happy memories for me, thank you xxx

How are we all? I'm sorry for not being around so much, I guess that I've missed some lovely new Babes too!

I'm not sure if I had managed to let you all know that I am now volunteering in a Neurological Care Home in the activities department.

We put the 7' Christmas trees up on Friday, well, I managed to get 2 finished with help and they look really nice, we've got the local Primary School to come to sing some carols for the residents. It's early days but it get's me out of the house and stops me going stir crazy organising Christmas!

Anyway, It's getting colder and having just looked up to the sky and seeing that it is scattered with stars which tells me a day of de-misting the windows on the inside of the house.

I'm sorry not to name check you all, I just wanted to say hello, I'm still here, just getting through a rough time of year, One Day At A Time.

Sleep well and keep snuggled up Brave Babes. xxx

Mouse, just to say I am thinking of you and wishing you strength at this difficult time xx

mouse good to see your post, and well done you for your walk - I hope you were well rewarded with some nice cheese? and more importantly a big hug from nemo. Your lovely dd sounds fab - I think it is important that we don't shield our dc (too much) from the parts of life that hurt us or make us cry, and it sounds like you are doing a great job at what is a difficult time. xx

Strangely, yesterday evening a big urge came over me, and I was prowling round the house planning to have something to drink. I don't know whether it was the Christmas booze adverts ALL over the tv, or the melancholy feeling of a dull grey day. However as I was wandering around I spotted a lemon, and suddenly I realised that I didn't want a glass of wine, what my body really craved was an ice-cold, refreshing fizzy glass of soda with freshly squeezed lemon. Oh it was so good. But better still was the feeling of going to bed knowing that I'd made a better decision.

Have a good day babes

Good morning everyone.

Well I'm still here and still on Day 1 BUT I've realised that although I am still having a glass of wine everyday I am drinking less. Last night when I got in from my meeting I decided to have a glass of red and there wasn't much left (about 1/5th of a bottle) but when I finished it I didn't open another bottle I just had water instead! I know it's only a little thing but it is a positive little thing for me. I think it is helping coming on to this thread every day so if you can all put up with that I would like to stay on the bus.

Mouse - well done on your walk. I haven't yet had to face the physical loss of my mum (although she has dementia which is a whole different issue) but I know I will be devastated when I do.

Hi soupey I know what you mean, cutting down is a huge step too, maybe it means you'll get to the point where you'll think 'why even bother?'.

Soupey that is great. Any amount less is great. You have started to make actual mindful decisions rather than just blindly slugging it down. These are the small changes that make such big differences

Hi babes, still struggling on, I really need to concentrate on not drinking as the amount I drink is steadily increasing. Tonight I will not be drinking.

Well done Anne, what are you going to do instead?

Ma you ok?

No

What can we do cheer you up?

(Clean answers only)

Hey ma wassup?

Work dire. Even though we won the co tract we wanted, the money won't really come in for months. There are no reserves to sustain us until then. We will
go bust first, with a shitload of potential round the corner but just out of reach.
I can't get on top of my drinking.
I feel disengaged and disconnected and a big fucking failure.

Oh ma, I'm so sorry about your work x

Hey ma I don't know you really being a newbie (yet, but I'm on the bus now so you're stuck with me), but I've done a lot of reading back and you sound so lovely and kind to everyone so I'm sorry you're so having a crap time, from me, just a random stranger who hopes everything turns out better soon.

Good morning babes, I have been reading and keeping up but dd2 is extremely clingy after her wee virus and it's making life tricky. I am still sober but I cannot stop eating and my weight is really really getting me down, I DO NOT want to put on any more weight before Christmas so I really need to get a grip. I'm sure I have an addictive personality because I always have to be doing something to excess, drinking, eating, smoking, buying, always chasing a buzz is exhausting, ironically it never extends to housework or excercise, just my luck!!!

wry your posts are quite literally sensational, you can make me laugh and cry in the same post and that's a glorious gift, I'm so glad your here with us and would love to sit and polish tack with you and put the world to rights. I imagine us all on a bus tour through Aberdeen and you'll be upfront on the mike, showing us the sights with smutty jokes and pointing out hot men as well as the bonny granite buildings. While this lot are shopping, we'll sneak off to a local riding school and bag ourselves a couple of stallions!!!! Thank heavens we have you xxx

looking I'm so so sorry things are tough at the moment. What age is you ds? My dd is 15 and in the great scheme of things is a good girl, doesn't drink, smoke and as yet no boyfriends BUT she is very cheeky to me at times, hurts my feelings all the time and does nothing in the house!!! I suspect like me you are a sensitive soul (I think all drinkers probably are) and it's hits hard. I'm an only child and have never really encountered conflict so the door slamming, last word cheek and backhanded insults have taken their toll, the advice I've been given and it's been reiterated on here tenfold, this too shall come to pass, your a fantastic mum, your humbling kindness to me at my lowest point tells me all I need yo know, your a wonderful and kind person and that's what you need to focus on, your the tops xxx

Also I wanted to share a story about worrying because I know you have a lot on your plate and again like me you get overwhelmed with worry. I have a brilliant friend who is my opposite but I soften her and she "tries" to harden me. She is a great believer that worry is a total waste of energy, it changes nothing and drains the strength you may need later. When her 10 week old daughter was at deaths door with meningitis she focussed on the minute she was in and refused to fear the worst, I 'll deal with each scenario as it comes, the baby made a full recovery. Her son was born at 27 weeks, she refused to worry he wouldn't make it or would be disabled, he is a strapping, super smart young man in a very successful band. When her husband collapsed with a headache they found a mass on his brain, she was calm and pragmatic while everyone around her panicked, it was fluid caused by a virus and was drained with no lasting problems. I'm only sharing this because I worry about everything and I know you have issues that are worthy of worrying but it led me to a very nasty breakdown and massively abusing alcohol and I don't want that for you, life's hard enough day by day so don't let life, your career or the kids take way your loveliness because you'll end up where your meant to be, it's all a journey, sometimes a long and hard one but you'll get there in the end, big hugs xxx

Battery running low so joey I'll be back to see how your feeling, worried about you too xxx

thanks faire and the lovely popcorn
that was sweet of you.

how are you doing this morning ma

babyj pick up a couple of stallions

Well I had a close call yesterday. Usually I shop at Sainsburys, but I happened to be going past Waitrose. Well the thing with Waitrose is, they sell mini 25cl bottles of wine two of those is my perfect amount (any more and I would just drink it all)

So I suddenly came across them and instantly stopped and thought about buying them. Convinced that a couple of drinks wouldn't matter, or maybe I could buy them and save them for Friday as an end-of-the-week treat (see how quickly and easily the excuses start coming!) For a couple of moments I couldn't even remember why I was AF. This literally all took about 30 seconds, and by the time I'd gone to a different aisle and picked up some chocolate the craving had gone. (and yet, I'm still remembering it the next day, after weeks of barely thinking about it)

So. I have learnt. 1) temptations are SO hard to ignore when they come upon you unexpectedly. Although how exhausting must it be to be on high-alert all the time? On the off-chance you come across a stall at a farmers market, or are suddenly given a bottle of wine as a gift?? 2) Waitrose put these little bottles exactly at my eye-level (and I'm only 50 so they're not top-shelf) 3) the shop is laid out so that you have to go past them they're on the end of a bay 4) how freaky it is to have your mind almost taken over for less than a minute and be unable even to think straight

Lucky escape indeed. 6 weeks tomorrow. Phew.

joey well done on resisting, it does often seem that the whole of society is against not drinking!
I am on day 0 having succumbed at lunchtime ( today is one of the days we have our main meal at lunchtime) but at least it was only one glass - so often it would be more!!

ma just want to back up faire and popcorn in saying you are wonderful, warm, super smart and your domestic situation sounds impossible to bear. Life is short and deserves to at least be spent with a partner we love to help us wade through the shit. If that's not possible then at least being alone brings the possibility of finding that person which keeps us going. You have neither at the moment, such is your devotion to your family. That makes you mighty special and I hope that this selfless act will be rewarded with the right man at the right time, surely life can give you that. Your our sassy thistle and we love you dearly xxx

joey I'm sorry that you too are struggling, the first thing that struck me about sobriety was not euphoria and a clear head but disappointment at seeing my life laid bare, after all we don't become obsessed with when we can have the next bottle because life is fabulous, happy people use wine as a way to celebrate occasions in life, we use it to commiserate our lives or blot out our anxieties, illnesses, fears or relationship problems. We first need to face our nasty truths In order to change them. My life had become chaotic and messy, like my house, my parenting and my relationship with dh, the chaos of my life entered my head and the idea of fixing anything seemed to much to contemplate. I'm seeing a councillor and she has advised me to start decluttering my life and my head in small ways and I swear it's working. I lived venus's post to you, my councillor advised me to start the week with clear objectives. Set aside time for excercising even a 15 minute walk with the dog and go no matter what. Menu planning was a biggie, I never knew what to make for dinner and not having a nice meal for dh and the kids only inflamed my self loathing. Plan bath nights in advance, plan half an hour here and there to lie on your bed and just be, simply just be. Arrange a family activity and stick to it, gives you something to look forward to. My life had no structure so if you don't plan anything there's nothing to excite you about, well anything.

I know this is all very idealistic and I thought at first patronising but for my crazy head, the idea of having a routine for basic tasks is actually a little soothing. I know tomorrow morning I'll go swimming, then get the car cleaned then do 2 hours housework, these stupid wee things mean I know I'll stop hating myself for being a lazy git, nice clean car always cheers me up (sad but true) and the house will be at least tidier for the weekend ahead. I hope this makes some sense, I'm just sharing what my very lovely councillor strongly advised and these silly routines give my day some structure and that feels calmer, then I hope I can tackle the bigger stuff in the same way. In my head the worrying about getting things done takes way more energy than doing the actual bloody thing, that's part of the reason I lost control of just about everything including my drinking and that's worse than any task I've ever made myself do. Hugs to you my friend xxx

please can someone put a hot water bottle on my seat to keep it warm for me? I want to come back, I really do but things are pretty rubbish at the moment and as usual I am putting on the brave coping face but drinking myself silly secretly. I am giving myself a bloody good talking to and am working up to a return very very soon.

Just checking in from my headquarters, which is the car, outside ds' sports club

Will post properly later when not on phone but just wanted to thank you all for your lovely helpful posts, am so touched. Ds and I are friends again. Waited 2 days for an apology but when it came it was measured and sincere, and I am so relieved because I missed him, he is good company for a teenager, wry and funny. (not you Wry, though you are very, very funny )

Baby thank you so much . We do sound similar.

Ma so sorry about the work situation, hope something turns up to save the day. Unlike mine, your job actually seems worth saving.

Mouse, well done on your walk. Here's some blacksticks blue for you (a favourite cheese of mine)

Anne welcome to Exercise Club...on day 7 of the shred here. Longest I've ever done!

Eccles.. Hugs to you xxx

Will namecheck all later, just wanted to pop my head in. Been doing an impossible job application for work all day and still not finished, it's a dense, jargon filled, competence based load of bloody waffle. Going to go in for a gossip with the other taxi mums before going home and starting again. Grrrr