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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Kicking The Wicked Wine Witch Where It Hurts! Mwahahahahahahaha!

999 replies

Mouseface · 14/10/2014 11:20

Hey, I'm Mouse, welcome to the Bus (aka Gerald!) Grin

We're a mixed bunch of folk, some have been here for a while, and of course we have some new additions too. It matters not one jot how long you travel with us, as long as you get something from it.

No matter your story, your needs, your fears and hopes, you CAN come on here and talk. You can cry, scream, rant, let it all out and not be judged for anything. Ever.

We've all been so very low, some have hit the very bottom of the rock, rubbed the bruising better and picked ourselves back up again but sometimes, you need a helping hand or someone to listen too.....which is why we're here, sharing our experiences, or just reading each other's and nodding as we click along.....

The support here is unconditional. :)

There are two banners down each side of Gerald, our super duper Bus saying -

    • The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement
    • Alcohol Fosters Inertia

We have lots of food on board, but mainly Opal fruits!!! They tend to be anything other than green, as they get snapped up vair fast indeed!

If you would like to know a bit more about how we got to where we are today, you can read these threads.

THE PREVIOUS THREAD

THE START OF THE JOURNEY

Hope to see you soon :) x

OP posts:
Thread gallery
21
SoberSocFish · 24/11/2014 00:26

ma. You are not pathetic. You say you can't face an evening at home without wine which I can understand. BUT. You need to change your situation. No one else is going to do it for you. You'll never be able to change it in the alcohol fog that we live in. You need to be sober and gain that strength and clarity that comes with sobriety to enable you to hopefully get away. I can't pretend to understand your life, but I do know that wine may help you tonight, but you can't go on with this life forever and you will need to be sober to have the ability to change it. There are more distracted chaps out there and besides you don't need any man in your life anyway. Don't settle for an unhappy life. Get sober and make a plan to get out. That is your plan for 2015. You can't carry on being so unhappy. First step get sober and then it all becomes clearer and easier.

xx

spanna41 · 24/11/2014 06:58

Day 15 today Smile

Have a good day everyone, early start here must get up and 'get it together' which is SO much easier without a hangover Smile

Sorry not to NC, leaves opal fruits, croissants, mugs of hot chocolate with whipped cream for you all Flowers

I love this bus and all that ride in him. Thank you all so much for being you xxx

babyjane1 · 24/11/2014 09:10

Just checking in, got a new phone as dd2 smashed my iPhone again!!! Was due an upgrade anyway so will be back very soon to catch up, just want to make sure I don't lose you all xxx

soupey1 · 24/11/2014 11:38

Hi I am still here just had trouble getting on to the computer over the weekend!

Spanna41 well done on getting to day 15, I am on day 1 again!!

Here's hoping we all have a good week this week.

venusandmars · 24/11/2014 12:41

alias I read your post from Thursday (haven't been able to get back on line to respond since then) and it struck me that you had a long, long list of things that you wanted to change. I know myself that if I have a list like that it appears too daunting and difficult to even start. But reading your list I wondered if there was maybe one thing (just one thing) that you could change - which might then have a subsequent impact on some of the other areas.

For example, you could decide to do some meal planning instead of coming home (tired and hungry) and rummaging around the kitchen trying to conjure up inspiration, then going to the shops (tired and hungry) and buying something expensive and calorie laden and quick, and then coming home and slumping down feeling full up and fed up.

Then you might want to plan meals which you can stick in the oven for an hour, while you take the dog for a nice long walk. So you come back home rosy cheeked and full of fresh air, to a house filled with the smell of lovely dinner. You're already healthier (from eating well and walking) you're saving money, and so you start to feel better about yourself.

Once this becomes routine, you add in other little things e.g. saying to dh (or dc depending on their age) 'while I'm out doing this chore (walking the dog) can you do another chore (fold the laundry, iron the socks, clean the sink). You are all working together, you have more money, you're all eating well, and your house is a wee bit tidier, so maybe you have half an hour to play a game with dc or to buy dh a cd of a band from your youth. And lo and behold you are being a better parent and partner.

And what is more, most of the effort is for something that benefits you, rather than lots of effort to be a better wife / parent etc solely for the benefit of other people.

The 'being a better daughter' one is always going to be tricky - however much better I was, I still never thought I was going to be good enough :(

I know that all of the above might sound a little trite, or Pollyanna-ish but I find that a month of good meal planning makes a difference to a load of other habits.

aliasjoey · 24/11/2014 14:04

Thanks venus I was using a really good mealplanner called 'BigOven' but I just felt too tired to plan! Maybe I was poorly last week because I definitely felt a bit pathetic.

Now I've got some Floradix energy supplement and I'm also making sure I'm taking all my medication properly. After realising how much I missed the blue skies freezing wind and clear air of Aberdeen, I have started following some Scottish webcams and twitter accounts; and ensuring curtains and blinds are wide open to let in as much daylight as possible. Smile

I've also set myself another goal, I can't drink until my sleep habits are MUCH improved, going to bed at a decent hour etc. Actually, I have little inclinication to drink. It's much easier to not start, than it is to stop.

How are you doing?

venusandmars · 24/11/2014 16:57

I agree, I think you WERE poorly last week. I sometimes feel that I have a 'sub-clinical' illness' where my immune system is busy fighting a virus (which it does effectively so I avoid the sore throat or runny nose or coughing fits) but which leaves me feeling exhausted. I have learnt that it is most effective to go with the flow, to treat it as if it is an illness, and then to bounce back when the danger has passed.

If I don't do that, I seem to stick in that same low-level illness cycle for much, much longer. It is so tempting to label myself as 'lazy' when something like this happens, but I think that is a consequence of living the a modern over-busy world where we lay expectations on ourselves that we should always be busy, and always getting things done.

On two afternoons this week I am giving myself over to the much under-rated practice of idleness Grin. I am going to ignore my list of tasks, ignore the voice in my held that says I'm selfish and lazy, ignore the need to do some kind of virtuous relaxation, and I'm just going to wander aimlessly from room to room - maybe look at a cloud passing, maybe contemplate whether my nails are growing, maybe chat on the phone to a truly undemanding friend..... or maybe none of the above.

I know it won't get anything done but I'm hoping it will spur me to be more productive during the morning, and that it will give me permission to just 'be'. Without guilt.

beachestoexplore · 24/11/2014 16:59

Day 2 for me again, drank on Saturday and felt grim yesterday.

joey it is much easier not to start, than it is to stop A big yes to this.

Spanna you are doing brilliantly babe. Smile

Love to everyone xx

MaryMungoAndMidgies · 24/11/2014 22:32

Well done spanna, you are the Little train that could Smile Sorry about my cutting and sticking metaphor the other day, reading it back it probably sounded trite, and perhaps, nay definitely, I'm not really qualified to be giving any advice re children. I hope things are a little better for you, xx

beaches I'm on the same day as you, and trying so, so hard not to have a drink tonight. On late shifts tomorrow, I have a lot of time to fill. xx

venus when you see it written down like that, it all makes sense. And do-able. One thing at a time, that I can do. Wise owl, you. xx

joey it's morning, we're at the Inversnecky café at Aberdeen Beach, a bacon and fried egg roll and a steaming mug o builder's tea nestled in our hands. Sated, we head outside, out into the morning air. The waves are crashing off the breakwaters, people are walking their dogs, happed up against the spray. Joyous barking hurls through the nippit air. The sun is rising, casting a rosy glow over the horizon. The supply ships are forging their way through the swell to the harbour, their path steadfast and true. The air is clean, salty and cutting, making the roses bloom in our cheeks. The early morning sunshine warms our frozen bones, as the gulls wheel and whirl above our heads.

For lunch we're heading to Carmine's on Union Terrace, the curmudgeonly wee Italian mannie waits outside, his apron splootered wi tomato ragu, the very heart and soul of his famous lasagne. We gaze upon sepia toned images of an old and forgotten Italy, while listening to our host rip seven shades o shite out of someone who tries to order off menu, we look sympathetically at the cocky wee fanny, but we're grateful we didna make the same mistake. We clean our plates, feart but full. We escape laughing into the brisk wind, it takes our breath away as we tuck our chins into our scarves. Prince Albert looks at us knowingly from his granite plinth, the silhouette o Education, Salvation and Damnation ahin him.

We're at Duthie Park, heading for the Winter Gardens. There are children playing on the bandstand, we're too far away to tell, but it looks like a game of Kick the Can, that time honoured variant of hide and seek we all used to play as bairns. The sound of a trainered toe batters the can, it elicits yells of 'yaaaaaaasssss' and frantic scrabbling as they try to find new hidey holes. The wind snatches the big glass door of the Gardens and we're instantly hit with a blanket of comforting warm air. In the Cactus Hoose, we wonder at the battle scarred spiky behemoths tattooed wi Ally wis 'ere, or sic and sic funcies sic and sic. The dry air starts to nip wir eyes, and as we both wonder fit became o the colourful throng of budgies who used to swoop in and oot between the arid and the rainforest bitty, we spot a stray spurgie, high in the rafters warming his frozen feet on a pipe, grateful to be in oot o the biting cauld.

It's supper time, we're at Torry Point, our Mike's fish supper warming our laps, the pungent chippy vinegar burning our eyes, but it's a good burn. The best. We're gazing out again over the water, a small pod of dolphins escorts a training vessel as it heads out to sea, the sky darkens, a myriad of distant tiny lights start to flicker, the cormorants start to nestle on the rocks. We sook the last remnants o oor Irn Bru from the tin and head for hame. Night night joey xx

MaryMungoAndMidgies · 24/11/2014 22:55

baby how are you my lovely lass? Coorie in for a bosie quine, we can prop each other up, Iwhat have you been up to today? I hope there's a kettle on here for our hot water bottles, it's very cold tonight. I hope soc's stuck the heating on in the bus, and that the duvets are aired and cosy. It's going to be a long night. xx

soupey it's a new week, grip my hand. If at first ye don't succeed etc.... Grin have another shottie at it. xx

mouse hugs to the House Of Mouse, thinking of you, xx

soc did you finish your NaNoWriMo? Are you very proud? You should be, it's a corker of an achievement! (Why do I feel the urge to call it nanoonanoo do ray mi?) Blush xx

aliasjoey · 24/11/2014 23:27

Tears are streaming down my face wry I cannot begin to tell you how that made me feel Flowers

aliasjoey · 24/11/2014 23:39

The Inversnecky cafe (didn't know that was even still there) that has a special meaning for me - I can't believe you mentioned that

Your descriptions of the sea and the beach were incredible- I started welling up.

I don't know Carmines, unfortunately, but am extremely well-acquainted with the Duthie Park and the Winter Gardens- you have no idea how much that all means to me. Seriously.

I actually am blubbing now.

lookingforhope · 24/11/2014 23:52

Evening all. Just tucking myself in with a hot water bottle and my kindle. Reading a strange, sad book called 'Strange Weather in Tokyo' by Hiromi Kawakami. I don't know if it is meant to be sad, but I am feeling sad at the moment. Went shopping in my lunch hour today and was holding back tears in H&M while buying Christmas presents for dd. No real reason. There is the redundancy thing (expressions of interest for job a 2 hour drive away due in next week, not one single alternative job in a 20 mile radius at my grade advertised in the last month), and my crappy personal life, but that's always there. Just feel so weepy today Sad Sad Sad

Then ds is being a horrible teenager at the moment. He actually told me to 'stop talking shit you stupid cow' last night. Now he is normally a lovely person, and I can forgive a bit of shouting and the odd swear word in a moment of temper, what with the hormones and that, but what has really upset me is that after explaining to him why it was wrong and how hurtful it is to be spoken to like that, he is refusing to apologise and was even smirking when I spoke to him. I actually feel I have failed as a parent. My parents, though lovely, were fairly strict when I was a teenager and I rebelled against them and we had a rocky few years (though ended up very close and best friends once I'd left for Uni and grown up a bit), so I have tried to be more easy going and more of a friend as well as a parent. Probably because I have a loveless marriage as well, bit pathetic. But now I feel I have got it wrong, and they just don't respect me. I don't know what I think, actually. Am just very low at the moment (and not even drinking). I definitely need a slap around the chops from Barrie.

Anyway, enough 'me, me, me'. Blush

Mouse how was your walk? Hope it wasn't too hard and that it hasn't left you too tired. How is lovely Nemo doing?

Anne I am on Day 4 of the 30 day shred. If I get past tomorrow it will officially be a record. Hoping to do 30 by Christmas. DD and I have set up an 'exercise club'. There is less to it than meets the eye, it is just the two of us each evening in the back room with Jillian's DVD. When there are bits she doesn't like she practises gymnastics. Then she chooses some YouTube tracks and we do some random plyo to her favourite songs for 10 minutes or so for an extra boost. You can be in our club if you like though, no fee. Just add a few lunges and burpees to an Arianna Grandee track at the end of the Shred and you're done Grin

Joey it is definitely easier not to start than to stop. I need to remember that over Christmas. Will be looking up Big Oven. I did a clever thing tonight and combined some leftover soup and some leftover roast dinner with fresh veg and called it a casserole. (well I think I was clever, it might just be gross, but it tasted fab to me. dd made the soup yesterday. I am training one of them well. For now)

Venus, Beaches, Baby, Soupey, Soc, Ma, Wry, Spanna, 70 and anyone else I have missed. Big hugs to you all (trying not to get tears on your jackets). Really no idea what is up with me at the moment.

Back to my sad book now. Next one will have to be a comedy book, recommendations welcome xxx

(Hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows on the dashboard for everyone) xxx Brew

Sleep tight all x

lookingforhope · 24/11/2014 23:55

PS Joey we can drive to Aberdeen tonight if you like. Wry, lovely description, even I want to go and I've never even been to Aberdeen. If I run away from my life I may just turn up on your doorstep Grin

lookingforhope · 24/11/2014 23:57

And as a postscript, I think I may have dd's old nits. Middle aged and worrying about sodding nits Angry NITS!!!! The indignity!!! D'aaaaaaghhhh!!!!!!!!!

MaryMungoAndMidgies · 25/11/2014 00:45

xxxxxx

I wish I could say something soothing to you sweetpea. Except it will be okay, I know I'm not really qualified to say anything parenty, but I can tell you I regretted being a horrible teenager. You haven't failed, you haven't. Inside the turmoil of my hormones I loved my gentle, kind mam, who just let me work it out for myself. And I did. As your son will. Just carry on being you. How could being you be wrong? ((((((((bosies))))))))))

Don't cry my lovely, we're here for you. You have too much on your plate, I'm not surprised you feel weepy. I could kick your other half's arse, he doesn't deserve you. The job thing must be so stressful, he should be supporting you. Do you think you will register interest in the two hour commute job? Would it be worth doing as a temporary thing?

It will be okay, night night quine, xx

SoberSocFish · 25/11/2014 04:20

Nits, so that's were I got them from. The bus! Of all places. We need to fumigate.

Yes, wry I finished 50k in 3 weeks. It was loads of fun and the best thing is that no one ever gets to read it. You should do it next year. Well worth it.

Tomorrow is 200 days AF for me.

Sober up babes it's a much better place to be.

Sorry to not nc you all. I am so slack.
xxx

soupey1 · 25/11/2014 09:50

CominThroughTheWry - I loved your description of the sea, I wish we lived at the sea it would be wonderful.
SoberSocFish - well done on NaNoWriMo, I tried it once and ended up giving up as I just didn't have time (well the family didn't let me have time).

Well, I have failed (again) and am still on day 1. It doesn't help that tonight I have to go to a meeting which is going to end with a social and "a drink together for Christmas"! The only good thing is that I am driving so if I do succumb it will only be to one as I will have to drive home.

Hope you are all doing better than me.

aliasjoey · 25/11/2014 10:17

wry I couldn't sleep last night, I got all nostalgic and weepy. You wrote achingly well and seemed to get right to the heart of what I was thinking. I was also dreaming about: Codonas, Fittie, the little shops on Belmont Street, St Nicholas kirk, those long steps down to Market Street, the Bon Accord Baths when they still had the sauna, Johnstone Gardens, catching a bus out to Berryden, being made to run along the river by a sadistic games teacher Grin , cycling out on the old railway line to Cults, getting a taxi home in the early hours, and the driver has his rowie ready on the dashboard for breakfast...

aliasjoey · 25/11/2014 10:25

venus I meant to reply (got kind of sucked in to another world where the seagulls cry and the wind snaps and the sun sparkles of the silver granite... oh shut up now joey)

to your line "the need to do some kind of virtuous relaxation" ! how true that is, that we feel guilty even about not being 'properly' relaxed!

beachestoexplore · 25/11/2014 13:19

hope your post made my heart ache for you. I think you are a wonderful mum, you often speak of driving them up and down the country, sitting and waiting while they do their stuff, sharing 'in' jokes, watching favourite programmes and explaining and talking to them. You provide them a secure home and think of things from their point of view all the time. You couldn't be a failure, no way. Although I haven't got teens, I have heard a rumour that they can be erratic and unreasonable at times!! I would offer you one of Wry's warm and reassuring bosies if it wasn't for the nits!!

Soc 50,000 words! that is an amazing achievement and one that would definitely have crashed and burned if you were in an alcohol fog. Well done and maybe one day you might let someone read it. Smile

Spanna a big squeeze and hope you have a good day peanut.

Day 3 and very happy to be in your company Wry, as an average though I think you have been clocking up many long stretches of af. Good for you flower Smile

Soupey you are here and you are trying, that is all that matters really. Keep posting!

Where have you gone obrigada? coommmeee back Smile

Also waves to joey, baby, ma, guggs, venus, anne, mouse, faire, 70. I know there are many more of you too so still waving Grin

aliasjoey · 25/11/2014 13:54

waves to beaches

looking it is so hard watching our kids grow up. My DD isn't quite a teenager, but already has 'the look' she gives me when she thinks I'm being particularly dense.

Please don't feel you have failed, on the contrary you are doing a wonderful job, the reason they can be so difficult at home is its the place they feel safe and secure; they are learning what is unnacceptable from people they trust, pushing their boundaries.

And at this age they do genuinely have a harder time imagining certain morals and emotions; their brains are actually learning and testing and trying it all out. It's tough when we're on the receiving end, but by responding to him in a predictable, natural way he will become the kind of person you know is in there.

obrigada · 25/11/2014 14:55

I'm here Beaches, just logged on. Had some wine on Sunday evening but not my usual amount so happy enough with that.

Anneisnotmyname · 25/11/2014 16:58

Day one again, had two glasses of wine last night, I can't get past one af day at the moment :( every ounce of sense I have tells me wine does not agree with me yet I persevere on....

Anneisnotmyname · 25/11/2014 17:00

Hope i will definitely join your exercise club, I've just done day 3 of shred, I'd like to finish it by Xmas :)