I am not sure if this post will be any help to you, but I will write it anyway.
My ex was married, also for 10 years, to a woman he claims he loved very much.
Throughout their 10 year marriage, he was unfaithful. Both with other women and even prostitutes. As well as doing that, he was also a member of numerous sexy chat sites, adult dating sites and webcam sites.
He would also have been described as your DH was as an amazing, caring and supportive DH. His ex wife left him because she fell in love with someone else, and she felt very guilty about that because she knew how much my ex loved her (she was unaware of his antics) and she thought it would kill him.
To this day, she does not know the truth of what she was married to.
My ex confessed this to me and I am ashamed to say that I fell for his bull shit and stayed with him anyway. He was, as I said amazing and caring and sweet and gentle and his confession came because he said he "wanted no secrets between us" and he tearfully admitted all of this to me but claimed, very convincingly that he;d done this because he had a much higher sex drive than she did.
I will tell you two things.
The first is that after we split up, although we had a very adventurous and active sex life I found out he had done much the same to me. The truth was it didn't matter that every month I had a new outfit from Ann Summers or that we still have sex 4 or 5 times a week. He just needed that element of sneaking around and filth in his life. He was just built that way and he was capable of lying to his nearest and dearest without flinching.
The second is that after we split up he confessed he'd always loved his ex wife more, and missed here enormously after 8 years apart.
What I am trying to say to you is that:
- Sometimes seemingly lovely people can do stuff like this without you ever knowing it. They are just capable of it and who knows why. He will continue to do it, probably always and you not knowing doesn't make you a fool. It's all about HIM and his lack of morals and honesty.
- It doesn't mean he doesn't love you enormously. Some people are capable of loving others and behaving like this. Not something I understand, but having witnessed it I know it's true.
I loved my ex a lot, but looking back I with I had LTB when he confessed this to me. I was in love, I thought he was great, he seemed so sincere but the truth was he was CAPABLE of it. Right under her nose.
Disgusting really.
Is that who you want to grow old with?