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Original poster

Should I do this "revenge"?

37 replies

HarlowEver · 12/10/2014 13:57

To cut a long story short there is a man I really like and we met through mutual friends. We have kissed but never had sex. He hasn't had a relationship for the last 6 years through his own choice if that is relevant.

I left for 3 months due to work and when I got back I let him know and he said that he had moved house now but that I should come over. Didn't hear anything after that and then I found out through our mutual friend that he was sleeping with someone who was about to get married.

So I don't know if that was just fun to him because he knows he wouldn't have to commit. Regardless this make me lose respect for him - he was never my partner so he's free to sleep with who he wants to but it was the whole engaged thing. I do know that hes not the type of person to sleep around so it surprised me too.

We have spoken since but he never told me this and just said he hadn't asked me over because he has a new job and now works shift (the job thing is definitely true) and that he still wanted me to come and see him.

Since I last saw him I've lost 2 stone and look a lot better than I did the last time he saw me (13 stone down to 11) I feel like going over to his just so he can see me at my best and not sleep with him. Sounds petty I know but I think it has the potential to make me feel good.

OP posts:
SageSeymour · 12/10/2014 14:02

Are you very young?

Just let this one go. I felt exhausted just reading it. It truly doesn't matter at all

Concentrate on finding a nice boyfriend

noblegiraffe · 12/10/2014 14:02

And what if he sees you at your best and still doesn't want to sleep with you? How would that make you feel?

Sounds like you'd be better off staying out of his life. He chose her when he could have had you. You wouldn't get revenge, you'd probably end up feeling bad.

StickEm · 12/10/2014 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pippinleaf · 12/10/2014 14:06

Also he may not notice your weight loss and then you'll feel bad. Just let it go.

FelicityGubbins · 12/10/2014 14:07

Your best form of revenge is to let him know that you aren't interested in him anymore and go find a decent bloke that actually cares about you..

Original poster
HarlowEver · 12/10/2014 14:07

And what if he sees you at your best and still doesn't want to sleep with you? How would that make you feel?

He wanted to sleep with me looking my worst but I was the one who said no.

He chose her when he could have had you

It's a bit hazy that part, because I think it started during the time I was away, and I think with me there's more chance of me wanting commitment ... with her less chance of her wanting something serious because she already has that.

I suppose with her he gets the fun without the bad parts of a relationship.

OP posts:
EmbarrassedPossessed · 12/10/2014 14:08

No, definitely not. Your self esteem shouldn't depend on having this man appreciate your current look. Can you concentrate on feeling good about your weight loss without needing this man to validate your feelings?

Go out and have a good time, and look for a new man that actually appreciates you enough to focus on you. This previous man doesn't want a relationship with anyone it seems, and won't do you any good in the long run.

noblegiraffe · 12/10/2014 14:10

So you rejected him and he moved on and now you want to go back and shake it in his face some more? What are you hoping? That he'll ditch the new girl and get with you? But you didn't want him first time around.

He's not your plaything. Find someone else.

Teeb · 12/10/2014 14:11

Revenge for what exactly? I'm confused.

noblegiraffe · 12/10/2014 14:13

It would appear to be revenge for the poor guy not moping over the OP when she went away and to prove that he is still 'hers' to the new girl who had the temerity to move in on the OP's property.

Original poster
HarlowEver · 12/10/2014 14:13

So you rejected him and he moved on and now you want to go back and shake it in his face some more? What are you hoping? That he'll ditch the new girl and get with you? But you didn't want him first time around.

What? When did I reject him? I didn't sleep with him because I didn't want to do it too soon.

I went away because it was a fantastic opportunity.

I don't know if hes still seeing her, they aren't officially together, she is getting married this year.

OP posts:
SanityClause · 12/10/2014 14:15

Just leave it. Walk away.

He appears to have questionable morals (unless the groom knows all about this and doesn't mind, which seems unlikely).

I understand that you'd like him to see you looking gawjus Wink but if you have mutual friends, no doubt they will be telling him what he's missed out on. Job done!

Littlebluebutterflies · 12/10/2014 14:17

He's allegedly sleeping with someone who is engaged - he's not worth your time.

Original poster
HarlowEver · 12/10/2014 14:17

It would appear to be revenge for the poor guy not moping over the OP when she went away and to prove that he is still 'hers' to the new girl who had the temerity to move in on the OP's property.

No I didn't expect him to mope at all and he was never mine (I'd have loved him to be my boyfriend)

I don't even know if the new girl likes him in that way as she has a fiance.

OP posts:
Deathraystare · 12/10/2014 14:19

You do sound very young. How old are you?? Let it go.

EmbarrassedPossessed · 12/10/2014 14:22

Presumably you don't want him to be your boyfriend now? So, if that's the case, just move on from him and have some fun and find someone better.

rjay123 · 12/10/2014 14:24

What do you want to gain from this? Just to feel good?

Laquitar · 12/10/2014 14:26

What makes you to think that he was not crazy about you because you were 13 stone and he will be crazy about you now that you are 11 stone?

If that is true then why wasting even a minute for him?

If it is not true then exam your own thoughts about looks, weitght etc.

DiaDuit · 12/10/2014 14:27

For crying out loud! Have some dignity! He is seeing someone. Its none of your business. There is nothing to be avenged. Go and move on with your life. Forget about him and work on your self esteem yourself without making it dependant on other people.

DontDrinkAndFacebook · 12/10/2014 14:31

erm...….you seem a little bit over-invested in all this, considering you only kissed him and you haven't seen him for months. Hmm

So:

He's a casual friend who you had a bit of a minor 'thing' with, several months ago, and when I say minor, I really mean minor.

He would have quite liked to sleep with you, you think, but you weren't really up for it.

You moved away and lost contact for a bit, and now you're back he's happy enough to see you again at some point, but clearly not desperate to.

According to gossip he is might be involved with someone else and it might be a bit complicated.

You've been on a diet.

So tell me where the revenge bit comes in again? Confused

DontDrinkAndFacebook · 12/10/2014 14:31

Gawd, things like this make me relieved to be old and long-married.

Being young is exhausting, isn't it? Grin

DiaDuit · 12/10/2014 14:35

?? I would agree with that except i dont think this is anything to do with being young. Emotionally under developed maybe but i can honestly say i never wanted to do anything like that as a yoof.

pictish · 12/10/2014 14:40

No don't.
So what if he slept with someone else? So what if he's no longer interested in you? Why on earth would you seek to take revenge?

Get over him, and more importantly, yourself.

Original poster
HarlowEver · 12/10/2014 14:44

....I chose to post on this board because it's the most supportive.

I feel like I've posted on YABU.

I'm not strong enough for some of these comments. So it's best I just hide this thread now.

OP posts:
Trills · 12/10/2014 14:45

I don't understand what you are trying to get revenge for.

I don't understand how displaying yourself to him would be "revenge".

I don't understand what you think you would gain from doing this.

Am I getting old? Or are you just not making any sense at all?