Should I do this "revenge"?

[HarlowEver]

To cut a long story short there is a man I really like and we met through mutual friends. We have kissed but never had sex. He hasn't had a relationship for the last 6 years through his own choice if that is relevant.

I left for 3 months due to work and when I got back I let him know and he said that he had moved house now but that I should come over. Didn't hear anything after that and then I found out through our mutual friend that he was sleeping with someone who was about to get married.

So I don't know if that was just fun to him because he knows he wouldn't have to commit. Regardless this make me lose respect for him - he was never my partner so he's free to sleep with who he wants to but it was the whole engaged thing. I do know that hes not the type of person to sleep around so it surprised me too.

We have spoken since but he never told me this and just said he hadn't asked me over because he has a new job and now works shift (the job thing is definitely true) and that he still wanted me to come and see him.

Since I last saw him I've lost 2 stone and look a lot better than I did the last time he saw me (13 stone down to 11) I feel like going over to his just so he can see me at my best and not sleep with him. Sounds petty I know but I think it has the potential to make me feel good.

And by that I don't mean I expected everyone to jump up and say what a good thing it is to do and that you are all in agreement with me.

I just thought if people disagree they would do it in a nice way.

Sorry you feel like that HarlowEver. I think most people have simply pointed out that focussing on this man is not healthy for you, and won't improve your self esteem in the long run.

If losing weight has helped your confidence, that's great. Take that confidence and use it to find a good man who is genuinely mad keen on you, not go back to try and gain some small revenge on a man who has dubious morals and isn't that interested.

You're getting good advice on here. Stop investing anymore time & energy on him.
He sounds like a waste of space. Trouble lies ahead with him.
Moving on is the best thing you can do for yourself, truly.

We just don't understand what this guy has done to you, that would mean you would want revenge on him.

OP you won't get the feeling you're looking for if you do what you have planned.

Write him off and move on.. that is the best thing you can do for yourself.

OP I'm sorry if you feel put down.
It's just...you seem to be wanting to mess with someone that has done you no ill at all!

I don't really understand what you are seeking 'revenge' for? The bloke hasn't actuall done anything to you (although he sounds like a giant man-child)
I'm not sure what sort of responses you were expecting from a thread where you claim to want 'revenge' on someone who has done you no harm? I also fail to see why you losing some weight and turning down a shag (which you haven't actually been offered at any rate) would be a form of revenge?

Confused.

I think you need to explain this a bit more. I don't think we jave really understood what you are doing this for and maybe that is why you are getting answers that feel aggressive. What is it that you feel you need to get revenge for? What if your plan doesn't work out and he isn't interested in sleeping with you, how is that going to make you feel?

If he really wanted to be with you he would, no excuses.
You have a hot new image and confidence why waste that on someone who clearly sees you as an occasional option not a priority.

I can understand wanted to make him want you (by showing how good you look now) but is he the sort of person who's opinion you really care about?

We have all been there, my nemesis was only interested in me when there was a risk element ie I was attached and so was he. When I lost lots of weight and looked smokin' he came to see me for a works night out (with plans to stay over) and promptly went off with someone else right in front of me. How I looked made no difference to him, I was just never going to be his 1st choice so I stopped caring and moved on.

Rock dat body elsewhere m'thinks.

His loss. Move on. You'll feel better for it.

Bloody hell woman. Sounds like he's dodged a bullet with you

If it was a guy posting this he'd be flamed

If you are feeling too delicate for these replies (which are blunt but not unkind) then you are far too delicate to be going over and playing games with this man.

I'm with those who say - revenge for what, exactly? He's done nothing wrong to you, though I don't like the sound of his cheating arse anyway.

Don't waste your time. Use the time saved to work out why this has bothered you so much. And work on that.