Would you date someone with a criminal history

[louby44]

If you met someone and found out they had been in prison for quite some time but had paid their dues, were totally remorseful and had done their time and wanted to move on desperately- would you date them?

Or would it depend on the crime?

Only got out in MAy?

Then no way. He hasn't had time to prove that he's changed.

Plus being such a major player shows something lacking in his character which would make him undateable for me. Its not like he got caught with a small amount of hash for his own use.

One of my good friends has done time for armed robbery.

I do believe she's changed.

However I could easily walk away from a friend if necessary. If you date someone dodgy, get more involved, have a kid, get married.....it gets harder to walk away.

Why would you want to deliberately make your life more complicated?

DH and I know someone who served time for a violent gang-related crime when he was much younger - we're talking decades ago. He is one of the kindest and most honest people we know. I find it impossible to look at him now and envisage that he could have done anything dishonest, never mind violent. He has completely turned his life around.

So, I don't know. It would depend on what it was. How remorseful he was at what he had done. How removed he is now from what he had done - that includes time, coming to terms with it, leaving that social group and probably geographic area as well. I'd probably only be able to consider it if he was very distant from the crime.

Computer says no.

No. He will be watched forever if he was a big player or even if he is connected to big players. She can look forward to her house being raided at intervals - lovely if she has kids.

My friend was like your friend only she stayed instead of walking away, until her home which she had owned for years was raided while her and her son were in the house. The police were very polite but not in the slightest bit apologetic. They seemed baffled that someone like her (professional, decent job which could be put in jeopardy by any kind of accessory conviction) was with someone like him. She ended the relationship. Her ex is still involved in the whole scene although he hasn't been caught since. The money lures them back in.

I did when I was younger and more foolish - he lied about what he'd been inside for, and in those days without internet, it was hard to find out the truth. Turned out to be a violent crime, and sure enough he turned out to be an abusive twat.

Luckily I'm already married now, but if I were dating I'd run a mile from anyone with any type of criminal record. It just makes life more complicated, and there is a big enough pool of non-criminals out there so it's not exactly being picky to set your boundaries by refusing to consider all ex-cons really.

Wouldn't be touching someone with a barge pole who'd only been out for 6 months, by the way.

It's long enough to change quite substantially (if they've spent a lot of time inside where they've been working hard, too) but it's not really long enough to evidence that. And I'd rather have reasonable belief than simple faith!
It's also just generally quite quick after reentering "the real world". If I did truly believe someone was making amends in their life I would prefer to support them as a slightly removed friend for as long as it took- freedom takes some adjusting to and I would be worried that I might jeopardize someones long term chances of staying clean/out of trouble by allowing them to rush into a relationship.

Nah.

In my youth I'd pretty much give anyone a go and was a bit of a rescuer. These days, in my 40s, I'm far more discerning with men and would most likely not bother. But it depends on the crime, how long ago it was, whether they were up front with me about it and whether they'd obviously changed for the better. Their life would have to be squeaky clean now and they should preferably be in a very responsible job (to balance their past I suppose). Any hint of nastiness lurking beneath the surface (and I include their friends, acquaintances and family in this) and no way. The only drama I like in my life is what I get off BBC iPlayer thanks. I'd also be concerned about whether their past could catch up with them and how it would impact on our relationship.

From what I can gather he is living a very simple life since he got out. He doesn't drink or smoke and is a regular gym goer. He's still in the area because of his daughter.

She's far too intelligent for him! She knows that!

I believe people can be truly remorseful and turn their lives around. However I would find it very difficult to feel that way about someone who had committed a violent crime. And either way, they would have had to have been out of prison for many years and shown that they had truly put that life behind them.