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Relationships

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Original poster

Would you date someone with a criminal history

61 replies

louby44 · 10/10/2014 18:09

If you met someone and found out they had been in prison for quite some time but had paid their dues, were totally remorseful and had done their time and wanted to move on desperately- would you date them?

Or would it depend on the crime?

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/10/2014 19:20

If you're still reading about him in the papers that suggests it's all very recent/live. Nasty things happen to drug dealers, even if they do fancy moving on. Plenty more fish etc....

upnotdown · 10/10/2014 19:49

No. I'd be too worried about him slipping back into it. If he's used to good life from dealing, it must be quite tempting in that situation when you want a new car/holiday...

My best friend spent 2 years in prison due to being in a relationship with a dealer (she didn't know what was being run from her own home - the court didn't believe her). She missed out on two years of her child's life.

Your friend should proceed with extreme caution.

Pandora37 · 10/10/2014 20:30

As many others have said, it depends what for. But a hefty sentence for drug dealing? I'd probably say no. I might be friends with them (with a lot of caution at first) but a potential romantic partner is a completely different kettle of fish to me. As much as I believe in redemption and rehabilitation and all that, I think the hassle from it would be too much for me. I'm not a great love conquers all believer, I'm very cynical when it comes to relationships with normal people never mind previous drug dealers. I think I would find it very hard to trust them, they'd have to REALLY work hard to prove themselves and they'd have probably lost interest by the time I seriously considered it, if ever. I want a romantic relationship to be a good addition to my life and I think this scenario would be more like a stressful burden so the answer is no. Maybe it would change if they proved themselves over time but that would be a very big maybe.

LadyLuck10 · 10/10/2014 20:33

I think you would have to be pretty desperate.

gobbynorthernbird · 10/10/2014 21:31

I did, when I was much younger. Wouldn't now, mostly because to get to be a big enough dealer to get a long sentence you have to be a fairly violent person (or be prepared to be violent).

paxtecum · 10/10/2014 21:32

How old was he when he got caught up in that world?
Some young people do foolish things not thinking of the consequences.

I know a 37 year old man who has spent 20 years on and off heroin and methadone, all because of the decision that he made as a 17 year old lad who thought he knew it all, never thinking for a minute that he would become a junkie. He is classed as scum by most, but he is a clever, witty, caring person who made a bad decision age 17.

If he is remorseful and doesn't mix in the world of drugs anymore then yes, why not?

plentyofshoes · 10/10/2014 21:40

No chance. There are other men, its not worth it.

emanresU · 10/10/2014 22:11

Not knowingly
But a deal breaker 'if i found out'
Would give it due consideration if it was fessed up to me - can't really say what that outcome would be

AcrossthePond55 · 10/10/2014 22:18

Nope, no way, just on 'economics' alone. BFF and I are trying to talk some sense into her sister about her currently incarcerated BF. It's his first offense & I really do believe a 'one off' but the thing is, he will come out of prison a convicted felon (road rage with intent to cause injury). Here that means you can NOT obtain any type of state license or certificate. His career was in a licensed field so he basically now has no earnings potential in that field or pretty much any field as most jobs ask if you are a felon & won't hire if you are. She just doesn't see that she will be supporting him the rest of her life.

WaitingForMe · 10/10/2014 22:20

No.

BolshierAyraStark · 10/10/2014 22:25

It would depend on the crime & also how recent it was.

Drugs years ago would be a meh. Sex crime,DV or any violence for that matter is just no.

Comito · 10/10/2014 22:28

I don't know. The three cunts who live opposite me all have extensive criminal records including drug dealing, car theft, benefit fraud, assault, burglary, GBH and sex offences yet they all have DPs and DCs together.

Dirtybadger · 10/10/2014 23:20

No to sex crimes or anything which would suggest to me someone had a problem with women (no matter how much "better" they seemed). And no to anyone with an animal cruelty conviction or anything racially aggravated (or homophobic/hate crime).

Maybe to pretty much all other offences depending. It would probably be "no" in most cases but there are plenty of people who reform themselves; burglars, thieves, murderers, drink drivers. Honestly though they would have to be pretty amazing in all other ways for it to be worth it; they would need to have done more than simply having liver a "straight" life for a few years.

I'd rather date somebody involved in hard drugs and GBH with intent aged 18, having kept their head down in prison, got an education (or training, something meaningful to give them a stake in their life) and left to do youth work aged 35 with kids from similiar communities....than to date someone who served only 3 months for a driving offence, assault or public order offence who is still feckless, lacks self awareness and has shown no remorse or empathy to their victim(s).

In the latter someone is an arsehole. In the former someone was an arsehole and now isn't. So basically- are they an arsehole? In the absence of convincing evidence assume former arseholes are still arseholes....

wallaby73 · 11/10/2014 02:03

Nope. In my experience, any crime is minimised, it's never a straight up "yeah, i did this, no excuse, i did it cos i could".......it's always presented as some sort of confession with all mitigating factors. "Well i was having a breakdown and...." Or "i felt rejected so ...." I've never come across an "ex" offender who took full responsibility for their offences without any of the above. So.......still a no!

heyday · 11/10/2014 04:44

People in prison, especially those involved in drug crimes, usually make a lot of enemies, both on the inside and on the outside. Unbeknown to me my daughter dated a guy who had recently come out of prison for drug offences and robbery. He seemed a nice enough guy really, however, he very quietly carried a knife to protect himself from all the people he had upset during his drug dealing times. The world of drug dealing is highly competitive and some very nasty people are involved in it and many enemies are made.
Yes, those who truly want to turn their lives around, deserve a second chance but personally I wouldnt want to be looking over my shoulder the whole time wondering if I might get hurt as some sort of revenge from someone my bf had crossed at some stage. For those who genuinely want to turn their lives around, then let them have time to rebuild their lives and maybe years and years down the line when this past life is very much history, then they may be a possible partner but with the experiences that I now have, I would personally say don't give them another look. There are tons of guys out there who have not committed crimes so why complicate your life with a prisoner or ex con. Let's be honest, they are hardly likely to be employable and that has huge consequences too on future prospectives too.

MexicanSpringtime · 11/10/2014 05:34

Rather than whether they had been in prison or not, I would be concerned about their moral compass. There are lots of people out there getting away with stuff and there are people in prison for things that not so anti-social.
But then where I live the criminals are running the country and the prisons are full of innocent people.

peasandlove · 11/10/2014 05:41

probably not. I couldn't live my life wondering if there was anyone with a grievance with him, worrying we wouldn't get a mortgage, be able to travel to another country etc etc.

borisgudanov · 11/10/2014 14:04

Porkair transatlantic.

LeftRightCentre · 11/10/2014 14:20

No fucking way. For starters, it affects getting a job big time. Plus, just eww.

gymboywalton · 11/10/2014 14:21

no
no chance

Original poster

louby44 · 11/10/2014 14:42

The crime was committed back in 2008/9. The newspaper report we read was from then. He only got out in May and she found out via a friend of a friend what he had done. So she asked him and he admitted it! He was the 'money man' - and the main dealer in it all!

She's only been seeing him a month but she's admitted she liked him! Her parents and close friends would never accept him, she knows its a deal breaker. He's from a tough background, not the sort of bloke my friend and I would have mixed with growing up!

But as I said it's opened up a discussion/debate between us. I've met him briefly and he's just a normal, decent guy. He works hard, got himself fit, changed many aspects of his life! He's trying to put it behind him, but he never will totally.

She has kids and a respectable job! A mutual friend of ours whose a copper has told her the police may be watching him and may even have clocked her with him, that's freaked her out!!

But its fascinating to hear what you all think and your views are similar to what I and other friends have told her!

She's just glad she's found out now and not 6 months down the line!

OP posts:

HumblePieMonster · 11/10/2014 15:10

Not all law-breakers have criminal records. It could be that many 'respectable' husbands and partners have histories that would terrify their wives. Ignorance is bliss.

CrispyFern · 11/10/2014 15:16

Depends completely on the crime.

vodkanchocolate · 11/10/2014 23:10

No not for the crime this guy commited.
In general for me it would depend on the crime. I think the only things acceptable would be petty crimes as a teenager, I knew quite a few guys I went to school or from my estate who got into trouble at a young age and now in late 20s early 30s have totally turned their lives around so possible to change but cant see drug dealers changing much like others have said its a dangerous business he would of bound to of made enemies somewhere down the line

PillForgettingIdiot · 11/10/2014 23:12

DH spend a night in prison for having a wee on a police car when he was out of control drunk as a 19 year old student. Said it was the scariest experience of his life.

That is the most criminal history I am willing to tolerate. Never with anybody who had served a prison sentence.

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