Single issue

[periperisun]

I am single. Can't see this changing and I'm not unhappy - rather I'm learning not to be unhappy.

But I'm wondering what other single people do about things like:

Weekends away
Holidays
Restaurants

And so on? Sometimes I feel like I'm not living as full a life as I'd like because I'm single and I know I could do these things alone - I don't think I really want to though.

Any advice?

Same here. I will watch with interest. I know everyone says to 'learn' to be happy being single, but is it so wrong to want to be in a loving committed relationship? Given a choice I'd like the later of course.

I'm learning not to be unhappy That's a perfect way to describe how I feel about being single.

Go with friends? I'm married but enjoy time with my single friends still and often go out for meals etc.

Yes, go with friends. I'm not single now but when I was, I did all those things with my friends. Do you have any? I'm not implying that you are billy-no-mates, just curious as to why you don't do these things with your mates?

I'm 51, never married, no LTRs at all, so I know no different. I did have a child, now grown. I think it depends on your age. At my age there are a ton of single women in the 45+ age range to hang out with. If you are 30s-early 40s, I would say most women are still coupled off and it can be very lonely feeling. Sure, you can have married women friends, but it's much better to have single women friends if you are single in my opinion.

I used to do things by myself like travel, bars and restaurants, but I don't enjoy that anymore. I will go to a movie by myself though - early shows. I just enjoy my job, my hobbies, my sleep. I am thinking about dating, but it's hard to see myself in some kind of LTR at this point. My old lady neighbors (70+) tell me I am CRAZY to get hooked up with a man at this point. You just become a nurse maid they said. Couplehood overrated past 50, they say.

But then again I have female family members who believe very strongly women should be part of a couple, so as they lose husbands to death and divorce, they very aggressively find a replacement. And they have no trouble finding the next one. So, they look at me with pity which is really unnecessary. I'm happy and content.

Yes, I think that's the problem wrap: am 33 and friends are married or in LTRs often with babies or pre schoolers. Even if they could get away, money usually dictates this isn't an option.

I've been away alone and just found it boring.

You're only 33 OP! I don't think it's time to resign yourself to eternal singledom just yet.

Maybe :) but if I'm honest, I'm not hopeful!

Either way though it's problematic at the moment and I can end up spending weeks alone (other than work) which is depressing.

It isn't so much being single as alone.

Can I just ask wrap has it been a conscious decision to stay single or has it been more of a case of not finding the right one?
I ask this as a long term singleton myself (7 years) and I do wonder sometimes if it's a case of me without even realising myself staying single because it's easier as opposed to really putting myself out there to find someone.
In response to you op I'm 35 and most of my friends are married but I find the longer you are single the more daring you get in terms of doing things alone and it actually becomes second nature just to go out and do stuff alone.
I have never eaten at a restaurant alone though,not sure I could do that one.
Are you actively looking for a relationship op or are you just wanting to spend some time single?

I've been single for 7 years after always having a man in my life. When the last relationship went tits up, I just decided that I was better off not bothering and I've stayed single, albeit mum to two teenagers - one just gone off to Uni and one at college and still at home.

Luckily I enjoy my own company and am quite happy traveling alone - in fact in many ways I prefer it. I can do my own thing - go where I want, do what I want and I just find it so much more relaxing after years of being part of a couple and always having to think about the needs and wants of the other person. There is a real sense of freedom that comes with singledom I think - at least there is for me. I'm also quite happy to eat out alone - again it really doesn't bother me. I'm in the pub/restaurant - wherever - for an hour or two at most. I'm just there to eat, same as everyone else, but I'm eating alone instead of with my partner or friend(s). If people want to look at me or comment, who gives a shit, but to be honest, no-one takes any notice and why would they?

I did however, feel rather odd the first time I went to a concert on my own. It was someone I really wanted to see and my kids weren't interested and I had no friends who could come with me, so in the end I bit the bullet and went alone. It was fine. And what I also noticed was, when the lights went up in the interval and I looked around, there were plenty of other single people - men, women, younger, older - sitting alone. I enjoyed the gig and the fact that I didn't have a partner or friend sitting next to me, didn't make any difference whatsoever. At the end of the evening I remember walking across the car park to my car and feeling quite exhilarated. I'd gone out, had a great evening and was now going home to supper and a glass of wine, my own home, my own bed - hard to explain but it just felt really good.

Fontella I think there's probably a lot of truth in the feeling of freedom if you've been in a relationship for years - it's when something feels outside of the norm.

When I've been away alone I've just found it boring to be honest - even things like museums I find I end up zipping around as I look at something and move on!

I'm not looking for a relationship, no. I was, but was getting nowhere so just decided to stop.

I used to love holidaying alone. Would go somewhere exotic with a company like Explore, join up with a group and have a whale of a time. Travelling with a companion you tend to feel obliged to stay with them. Other social stuff I used to pair up with another single or a group of friends or just take myself off and force myself to mingle.

I have teenage DS now but can't wait for him to disappear so I can pick up where I left off

periperisun I've pretty much always been single and do all the above things with friends. I have a few married friends but most are single and I've made a big effort to cultivate friends who I can do lunch, dinner, theatre etc with. Being single is amazing for me, I can do what I like. Work on your network of female friends and you can have a high old time!

I've always been single :)

But my friends are married

I've always been single :)

But my friends are married

You need to work out who you are and what you like.

I can spend hours in a museum on my own (thank god no one to tear me away from stuff I'm interested in) but it has got to be stuff I want to see. And I'm quite happy to go to a theatre and see something I'm interested in (in the middle of the front row ). That is the joy of doing things on your own. The only needs you need to consider are your own.

I think there is something to a bucket list. A list of places or things you want to do. In my case I try and do at least one a year.

But I think you actually nailed it in your op. There is nothing to stop you doing these things alone and that is a different question to how do you do these things alone; but you don't want to

The things I mention coffee - they are sociable activities (to me.) That's all.

I suppose I was just wondering if anybody had experienced similar - it can be difficult

We need a singles club. My friends keep asking when I'm going to date again. Won't I be lonely at Christmas etc?

It's like our whole society is geared about being in a couple.

How did I go a lifetime being single? The short answer is, "I don't really know how this came to be." The long answer is a long list of reasons and speculation that I won't bore you with.

I'm not the only one though. I have several female friends in my age range who did the same thing. Then there is another bigger group who had one bad marriage ranging from 1 year in length to 20+ years and who chose to never be married again. They don't date and have no interest. Whatever happened in their marriages ruined them for life as far as future marriages.

I have married friends who whisper to me I made the right choice and that marriage is totally overrated. They say all they are now is a secretary, a maid, a child maker and minder all in exchange for having someone who will help you carry heavy things every now and then.

I would like to think that dating and marrying in my 50s - post children - would be different - better - but maybe I am delusional. I am open to it though.

Wrapdress, I'm interested to hear that under age 45 many of your friends were married but once you hit the 45 years mark, it changed quite a bit and you suddenly had a lot more company.

I am married (happily) & do eat out alone. It is usually because I am away working but I quite enjoy it. I do bring a book but I enjoy people watching just as much & I find you get very good service.
I quite like my own company & going out with friends as well as being with dh. I don't really think about doing some things alone. A client told me recently that one of the things she has learnt is not to over think & just get on with it.

I'm not single, but I think if I was I would do group activity type holidays with other single people, or couples or whatever, but with a group anyway. I can't imagine going away on holiday or for a weekend on my own - too boring and lonely.

I also think I would try to meet other single people to do stuff with by joining a choir, or a running club, some kind of evening class - just so I could meet other people to hang out with, go to the cinema or away for a weekend with, etc. But at 33 you're hardly on the shelf!

Have you seen the website meetup.com?
It is great for people like us who are single but want to socialise still, there is quite a lot in my area going on so if I have a child free weekend I can look on there and see what's happening and go along, went on a lovely walk last weekend in the last of the sunshine.

Try Meetup.com, Spice and Ceroc.

I don't eat out unless with friends or family- doesn't bother me though as I prefer a good take away.

I go to the cinema alone. Avoid late night showings though because two people (who know one another) in the cinema is fun, alone (literally) is spooky!

At weekends I work, do voluntary work and do my hobbies. Week day evenings I study or do my hobbies (which I'm quite devoted to). If you are twiddling your thumbs enrol on a course, find some more books or take up a new hobby!

I'm going to a festival this year instead or a holiday (not that I've been on holiday for years, single or not) as that's a thing to do with friends without everyone necessarily (or at all, in my case) bringing partners.

The only thing I reset is not being able to go camping. I could go alone but I would want to take the dog and being as I couldn't take her, say, into the shops to buy food....I'd be stuck!

I would be happy to go on holiday alone although maybe a little apprehensive if going somewhere I didn't speak the language well. Doing all these things for the first time alone must surely be good for us, though!

I go to the local cafe most days alone and read my book and people watch. I've done the same at the pub with a drink early evening but I did feel much more awkward....