I've realised that DP is very abusive and a very unpleasant man - I've read Lundy and done the Freedom program and have long since stopped trying to understand/minimise/engage.
For visa reasons however, we have to live together. I've been in a separate room for a few years. He still makes life difficult if I try to go out and likes to kick off from time to time because he'a narcissistic abusive cockwomble (I've pre-empted what you'll call him there).
My problem is money. He just won't pay towards DD or the household bills. I need to be putting money aside so when our visa situation is fixed and we don't have to be at the same address I can get out and support DD.
I've tried and tried to get him to pay but he just refuses to engage - he screams abuse at me and walks off. Yesterday I called him on it (again) when he said he "couldn't afford" to pay for something. I said his finances weren't my problem and that as an adult he should take responsibility for his financial commitments. He just yelled that I would find that it was my problem actually and walked off. He has a really nasty bared teeth snarl he uses when I say something he doesn't like.
I managed, by a certain amount of trickery, to get him to pay the electricity bill for the first time in 7 or 8 years this year. He yells and screams that he pays the electricity bill and that he's not going to contribute to anything else because he's paying for that. It's immaterial that I've paid all of the utilities for several years, and that he's used paying this one thing as an excuse not to pay for anything else over and over again.
He doesn't pay a penny towards DD, her clothes, food, any activities/music lessons, school lunches, the car that we need to get her to school/fuel/insurance, Sky TV, water bill etc. I've bought all of the furniture, paid the deposit on the house, tvs, fridge - everything. He just simply won't put his hand in his pocket and short of getting hold of his online bank account and transferring it myself I can't force him to hand over the money. If I get him thrown out of the house for domestic abuse, then I will invalidate my visa status and I will have to leave.
Another concern is that when I do leave, he will be able to justify not paying for DD on the basis that he never has, or will even attempt to get money from me.
I'm not sure that anybody can fix this tbh or offer helpful advice, but it's just so frustrating. If he contributed his fair share then I would be able put a fair bit aside - where we are there is no safety net, I would get no government help here or back in the UK as I haven't paid into the system there in the last three years.
If I were in the UK I would have thrown him out and hauled his arse through court with a rottweiler of a solicitor, but I have to get the visas sorted first - will probably take several more months.