How far is too far (vagina from clitoris)?

[optimistikcolouristik]

So I am reading this article at the daily mail:www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2783791/The-vaginal-orgasm-doesn-t-exist-s-clitoris-holds-key-female-pleasure-study-claims.html
and on one hand I am relieved to hear that many women if not most cannot have orgasm just through the penetrative sex. I have never orgasmed with my DH and he does not want to touch me there. I find it more exciting on the top (because it is close to my clitoris and he does not do on the top of me) but it is even more exciting for him. Catch 22.
From the article, the study found that in women who have orgasm problems, the clitoris is smaller and located farther from the vagina. How do I know my clitoris is too small or a normal size? It is not like measuring a penis, yeah? Also how far from vagina is too far?
If I show this article to my DH he might say you cannot orgasm because your clitoris is too far from your vagina (right, as he really knows the distance) or the clitoris is too small (again as he really knows the size; he has not seen it and has not touched for years; bloody lazy). He is not too bothered about me not having orgasms as he thinks having a nice time is as good but I want an orgasm! Luckily I can please myself but that is different.
I am continuing reading the article.

Good rule for man/woman sex: no orgasm for the man until the woman has come at least once. No exceptions. I recommend that rule. Makes lots of things easier (and more fun for all concerned ime).

I'm a little gobsmacked that someone who doesn't want to touch you there (he's not Gary Glitter by any chance?) got as far as being your husband. If I slept with someone who would not touch me they'd be gone. GONE. I met a guy who wouldn't go down on me because he thought it was disgusting. Had absolutely no problem with me doing it to him though... .

BINNED.

Good rule for man/woman sex: no orgasm for the man until the woman has come at least once. No exceptions.

I heartily agree evalyn. Lois, I had a girlfriend the same, she loved me going down on her but wouldn't 'return the favour'. It didn't bother me that much at the time, I was young and anyway getting her off was a big turn on for me, it always has been.

Did the article also talk about 'selfish lovers'? That seems to be your problem rather than anatomy.

Op, I am very sadly getting an impression from your posts that you might be feeling like you cant really do anything to change things, am I right?

What do they even mean by the clit being too far from the vag? The vag is in Kent and the Clit in Surrey?????

I think it would be a good idea to get some sex toys for yourself as he cannot/will not even try and only pleases himself.

On the flip side op if your clitoris is 'too far away' then maybe you could twiddle it yourself seeing as it's beneath your husband. You could keep it in your pocket and twiddle it all day long! I think your 'd'h sounds pathetic and selfish. Yuck I couldn't have sex with a baboon like that!

Oh dear.

You cant learn how to experience an orgasm with your partner from reading an article.

A generous lover who explores your body and works out with your guidance what excites you might help. But your husband doesn't even want to touch you and sounds selfish and weirdly hung up about the female body. Thats really sad and quite worrying.

Bottom line is - the problem is his, not yours. It has nothing to with your anatomy and everything to do with your husband being a selfish, lazy and inept lover.

Wow I'm amazed you are still bothering to have sex with him at all. What possible pleasure are you getting from it?

Oh damn it! My old ruler only does inches. How do I convert inches into metres ?

Anyway, all academic ... only person I allow in my bed these days is the cat, and our relationship is strictly platonic.

Oldgrandmama LOL!!!!

"...but he probably thinks he knows everything" is a big part of the problem.

He sounds irritating in the extreme.

Here I am again. Thank you so much for your kind support. I wanted to write about this problem ages ago but could not. I am trying to be positive.
He knows about what I really want as I had to bring raise this issue up a number of times but it comes in one ear and goes through another one. Selfish I know. I could leave him and find a man who gives me orgasms but we have children and I still love him. He is not great when it comes to showering us (me and the children) with his attention. What I know he had all the attention he wanted from his parents. He is an only child.
May be I would have been able to come if he was keeping longer than 10 min (that is nearly always without foreplay and he was not like that before our marriage). There is always something like stopping, checking something, pulling his crotch or whatever. It disturbs the rhythm and does not do much to me. When I get excited it gets him even more excited and he cannot last longer. I told him that I am not a fish and cannot keep completely silent. Of course I do not moan loud as we have children. And there is always something. It is so annoying and sad. He is a man of excuses when it comes to me and children. But. He is getting better. There is some hope. He started lasting longer in bed. His excuse for sharp nails is no excuse to me. I do not need him to touch me with his nails. He is just over 40 FGS.
He is not keen on oral sex because he thinks my vagina is open and too sensitive to the bacteria in his mouth ( I do not want him to stick his tongue into my vagina). I know his attitude will "kill" some of you. What a lunatic. But his cock is all right with my bacteria because it does not lead to vagina etc. He did not say like that but I know what he wanted me to hear.
His other problem is that he goes to bed too late (often after the midnight). No porn I know for sure just late start late finish. He has been like that since his student days. It was all right with his parents. So if we have sex in the mornings (usually at weekends and this is when the children might jump in bed). Sometimes we have sex during the weekdays when the children are at school.

I have cried over this issue many times and it makes me sad as I have wasted years on waiting.

I seriously want him to stop being lazy in bed.
I do not want to tell him half way that we stop here as this is my revenge on you. I want to stop but to think of a different excuse.

I do not feel that confident any more to be honest. I want him to be willing to do it not because I told him to do so. I can pleasure myself but this is different. Psychologically it is different. Also it makes me angry that his is wasting my younger years. We do not live twice.

Sorry, my post is that long. Thank you for reading it.

Optimistik - If you don't tell him why, he can't change.

He needs to start being a man. He seems completely disinterested in your body, and that will have a profound affect on your self-confidence. It will also probably be picked up by your children, over time - I should think that it is visible in non-sexual tones, too.

You need to talk to him, and tell him that while he is allowed to have preferences, (if he really dislikes oral sex, that could be it, for example) but he cannot just decide that he prefers not to touch you at all. He's treating you like you are dirty, but he's quite happy to have sex with you when it suits him.

If it was me, I'd buy a sex toy and suggest that he learns to use that. It doesn't involve his hands or tongue, so he can have no issue with it. I bet he'd come up with an excuse then, too - he just doesn't want, or feel the need, to make you happy.

Don't waste your life waiting for him to change. You need to have an honest conversation and tell him to ship up or ship out.

'I do not want to tell him half way that we stop here as this is my revenge on you. I want to stop but to think of a different excuse.'

Is not really a case of revenge, its more a case of "Look, what you're feeling right now is what I feel every time we have sex. Did you know that?"

He's either ignorant to your pov or ignoring it to put his own needs first.

If it's the first then stopping before he can finish might just be the eye opener he needs, especially as you've tried discussing it and he still apparently 'doesn't get it'.

If it's the latter then I would seriously consider if I could continue to have a sexual relationship (and I use the term very loosely) with him.

But surely he must know that you are not getting anywhere near climax by the time the fucking-part is over? Have you tried telling him that you don't want penetration without some extensive foreplay or that you're never aroused enough the way things are and therefore really don't want it at all?

After such a long time of the same behaviour I can understand why it might be difficult to change things now but have you tried telling him that your needs have changed? None of us are clockwork devices where that always results in this, the same amount of whatever it is for this amount of time always guarantees x result. That might be the case for him but not necessarily for anyone else. Have you tried pleasuring yourself after the deed is done?

I suspect the only way to make yourself heard is to decline his approaches completely until you've had a frank discussion and use the "Quite frankly, what's in it for me, exactly?" tactic if all else fails.

I can't believe that he's so ignorant/innocent that he doesn't appreciate that if there's no mutual pleasure then you're just servicing him out of duty. Most men I've ever known would be mortified to think that they don't or can't please their partner properly, so he's either stupid or so selfish that he just doesn't bloody care. My money is on the latter.

Two words: Sex Ban.

He does not deserve to share that with you. I'd be buying myself a "friend" and having very noisy orgasms with it.

I wonder what you get out of sex - other than that closeness followed quickly by rejection?

He needs to show you that he loves you - I'd suggest massage, bathing/showering together and making sex more fun and interesting - lose the weekend morning routine completely.

and good luck

I am guessing if he wont touch you with his hands suggesting he use a vibrator on you isn't an option (I am basing this assumption on him being a selfish bastard and a bit of a prude!)

I wouldn't have sex with him anymore. Why should you?

I don't always have an orgasm but the vast majority of times I do...DH is more upset than I am when I don't!

Can I recommend an excellent book: it's called She Comes First. Buy it, ask him to read it, see how it improves things. It's absolutely brilliant.
But of course, he must be open to learning in order for things to change.

Not only is he a selfish git i think misogyny is at the bottom of this. I think he has a deep seated belief (whether concious or subconcious) that women shouldnt like or enjoy sex.

From the vagina to clitoris
Is not far unless you're boorish
From clitoris to vagina
Not far, and there's nothing finer

He doesn't want to touch you there!?!

He should be down there with his tongue on a regular fucking basis.

If you're not enjoying sex, stop having it, you are not duty bound. Go buy a vibrator, a rabbit type with a clitoral stimulator, use it as regularly as you want. When he asks why you're not having sex, tell him you are, with something that can actually make you orgasm.

My DP used to give oral all the time. Now he hates it and I don't understand why. He won't do it. I keep telling him "will you just fucking touch me without sticking your dick in when im dry ffs?" i get all little scraped and stuff because evn though I am excited, i'm not 'wet' so its kinda hard to do. He won't give me a reason for not giving me oral. I've only been with him 2 years ffs. I enjoy sex with him. I do not however want to be a fuck hole and I have told him this. Like you ladies, just seems to go in one ear and out the other :/