Old rape

[Paradisetarmaced]

I don't need tons of handholding, just musing on what happened to me. I was raped 8 years ago. I mentioned this on mn recently though I have had my post deleted. I have not mentioned this to a single soul in rl. A poster who read it before it was deleted suggested I post here. I do wish that I had done something at the time but to protect others but I decided to pretend that it hadn't happened. Please don't flame me or criticise my spelling.
I admit that I feel guilty and embarrassed.
For ages I was terrified of going to the small town where it happened and still avoid it now. I wonder if I am the only one. I would never mention this to anyone in rl so don't suggest counselling. Should I keep it buried. I feel pretty stupid.

please do seek help.

I only dealt with the sexual assault that happened to me nearly 20 years ago very recently.

I feel the better for it. It was only ever hidden, not gone.

I am moving on now.

You can and you will too. You are probably in shock again and looking at the situation every which way as it has been in the dark recesses of your soul for such a long time.

It will get better.

You can heal xxx big hugs

I feel scared about all this. Can of worms.

would your husband seek revenge on the rapist ? or do you fear he might be angry at you for some reason?

I think, but I don't know, I am only guessing that, if he believed me (back to that), he would assault him.

That sound awful. He is the most mild mannered man and wouldn't hurt a fly. But he has fairly strict ideas about how girls/women should be treated. V old fashioned. I wouldn't trust him with this information.

Remember, rape is a physical assault, it is not sex. You weren't unfaithful to your partner any more than you would have been if someone had punched you at a party. You were the victim of a crime.

I believe you

Empire, Joys - for you too.

I can't bear the r word.

I believe you. I don't know what to advise about reporting the assault, I can completely understand why you would not want to go there. I really do think that getting some support / counselling for you and to help you process what has happened would be a good idea. Wishing you peace and nothing but the best.

I believe you.

I know how you feel. It took me about 20 years to feel about to say it out loud and tell my hubby. It helped.

It never occurred to me to called a stranger. I wish it had as this might have happened much sooner if I had.

By saying it out loud though, that meant facing the fact that it had happened and for years I preferred not too as my coping strategy.

OP, I'm the OP from the previous thread that you posted on, and yes, it was me that suggested you start this thread.

Just wanted to say that I believe you too. And you didn't ruin my lighthearted thread at all. I felt humbled by your post and I am glad that you did post, and went on to start this thread.

And YY to rape being a physical assault. You did nothing to deserve it and are not to blame for it.

I am so sorry this happened to you :( Im in a predicament just like this at the moment, only it didn't happen to me, it happened to someone close to me when they were a child many years ago and have only told me. It would break the family up and I don't know what to do, neither does he. For things like this, it can be very embarrassing and hurtful to even think about, let alone talk about. I can't even imagine.
Also, rape is not an act of sex, its an act of violence. But in the person I know's case, there was no violence involved. he was too scared to say anything. too scared to scream. It kills me every day knowing this. I don't know what to do.
I don't know who to turn to about it. I can't tell anyone. Its such a sad thing to happen to someone and historic rape is getting easier and easier to prove. if you can't talk, don't, but we're here and we can help, even if only a little bit.

But in the person I know's case, there was no violence involved. he was too scared to say anything. too scared to scream.

Crayola - that is violence too. You don't actually have to be hit for it to be a violent act. I'm so sorry for your friend/relative.

Crayola, rape is a physical assault, it is violence.

It would be the person who raped your friend who caused any family break up, not him.

wolf that is true. he was about 13 so either way.
yonic aye, i need to talk to him. its killing me knowing this and not being able to do anything about it! It needs sorting because I know he thinks about it all the time. Its such a thing that ruins people's lives and messes them up inside. its so sad, when you think about it, we all think we're invincible to things like this and it happens to the best of us, which angers me. I just... thinking about this happening to ANYONE, OP, my friend, my mum... just angers me.

Paradise - I'm so sorry you went through this.

I've been in the same situation. Petrified to say anything to anyone because I just knew I wouldn't be believed. Unsure if my limited memories of the first event were actually true (I was only 6 on that occasion, and the one person I told at the time now denies it ever happened to me), and in later events (sexual assault by a fellow student aged 20, and rape by then partner aged 24) I just felt so ashamed, I couldn't tell anyone.

34 years on from that first event, it all finally hit me - full blown PTSD, depression, suicidal thoughts, the works. Even if you currently don't think it's a trauma, it is, and it is obviously playing on your mind. Counselling is the best thing I've ever done, as well as telling DH (who knew something was wrong, but not what). Like you, I thought he'd blow up and try to do something about it, but he has been amazing actually.

It's good you've felt able to talk on here. It does wonders to really talk it through, though, with someone trained to listen to your particular experiences.

Mx

Thx all and wave to Bob/Sherlock.