Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How often do you compliment your dh /dp specifically about his body (serious question - need to compare answers)

42 replies

handlemecarefully · 10/04/2004 03:15

Just had row with dh - about something else as it happens (the burglar alarm went off in middle of night as it had been programmed wrongly), and row culminated with him storming off to sleep in spare room after announcing:

"You don't give a damn about me, my body or my feelings"

  • the reference to "my body" aludes to earlier tonight before we went to bed and he walked into the room naked (as per usual - doesn't use pjs) except for a pair of slippers. At that point he complained that I never compliment him on his body and don't I like it etc etc? I was a bit nonplussed by this tbh....

Anyway, this is obviously an issue for him (since it came up again just now re not giving a damn about his body).

I wonder if I am remarkably insensitive about this sort of thing. My question to you, in all seriousness, is how often do you compliment your husband specifically on his body (don't count -'your hair looks nice dear" after a visit to the barber), and in what contexts? (i.e. do you tend only to do this as part of foreplay or during sex).

Am I the only woman who doesn't regularly say to her partner - "I love your body darling"?

OP posts:
eddm · 10/04/2004 07:42

I say it occasionally when he's wondering round in the buff... in a jokey way (but not sarcastically, IYSWIM). In the hope that he might remember to say the same to me! Although at the moment he's grown a disgusting straggly beard in some kind of early middle-aged crisis ? it's really horrid and all our friends have been asking me WTF he's up to...

Freckle · 10/04/2004 08:32

My dh has a bit of a body image problem. He's really skinny and thinks that no one would want to look at his skinny legs (refuses to wear shorts or go swimming as a result). He's actually got the most amazing legs - really long (35" inside leg measurement) and slim. The sort of legs most women would die for. As a result of his own self-image, he doesn't display his body much, so I'm left making positive comments about the bits I do see. I try, but I don't think he believes me.

hilz · 10/04/2004 09:25

Maybe its not a good question but...do you find his body attractive? I can think of times in past when I have/haven't complimented men but it is usually a reflection of whether I like what I see! Don't make yourself say things in an artificial way...maybe just try to pay attention to the good bits and notice what you do find attractive. (And if that isn't anything you like, get him some thick pjs!!!)

BeckiF · 10/04/2004 09:36

I tell my dp things like, 'You have a woderful chest', 'I love your arms', 'I could chew your shoulders for weeks', 'You've such a gorgeous bum' and others!! For some bizarre reason he can have a poor body image at times (he's been a personal trainer most his life but injury means he hasn't been able to train for over a year). I think at times he doesn't beleive me or thinks I'm saying it to be nice! In my opinion a man needs as much reassurance as a woman that you find him gorgeous and sexy still.

CheshireCat · 10/04/2004 09:38

not that often (3 times in 5 years of marriage, oops!),although I do think he has a nice bum. perhaps I will go upstairs, wake him up, just to tell him that!

spacemonkey · 10/04/2004 09:38

eddm - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA @ your description of dh's straggly beard!

OldieMum · 10/04/2004 10:22

Dh is sometimes a little unconfident about his body shape and he is quite a bit older than me, so I say things like this a lot. It always raises a smile.

GrannyPants · 10/04/2004 11:03

Dh finds it hard to believe that he has a gorgeous body, despite being 6ft+ and having the physique of a rugby player. Sometimes it's an esteem-boosting compliment. Mostly it's a genuine "Fwooarrrgh!"

We'd all be a bit annoyed if our dh/dp never complimented us, wouldn't we?

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 10/04/2004 11:09

Okay - thanks all. Will resolve to compliment him more frequently on the bits of his body that I do like. Yes, I guess he needs a confidence boost!

OP posts:
linzoid · 10/04/2004 11:24

I never compliment dp on his looks...woops!

WSM · 10/04/2004 12:37

I prob tell him around 3/4 times a week, but then we are quite vomit-inducingly mushy and pathetic!

jac34 · 10/04/2004 17:02

I don't really comment on his body much, I sometimes don't even notice when he's had a hair cut!!!Oops.
I am aware though,that he needs alot of fussing and pampering to feel loved and secure.I have been trying to do more of this lately as he sometimes feels a bit left out, when I'm fussing over the kids.Perhaps thats how your DH is feeling??

sobernow · 10/04/2004 17:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iota · 10/04/2004 17:31

Both my dh's and my own body amply show the results of his amazing cookery skills.

So I don't tend to praise his body, but I do praise his cooking - does that count?

coppertop · 10/04/2004 17:40

The only thing funnier than a naked man wearing slippers is a naked man wearing slippers and socks!

lavender1 · 10/04/2004 18:45

Not often enough, he's a little chubbier than when I first met him, but there are bits about him to die for..Think if you tell yourself to compliment him more often it might become part of daily life together...My dh has also said I don't compliment him (he does it to me an awful lot...as a result I feel confident about the way I look)...men love it, like to feel attractive...let's start praising our gorgeous dh/dp more

Chocol8 · 10/04/2004 18:49

I was quite enjoying that thread until Coppertop mentioned naked man + socks! In my opinion that = URGHHHH! With dp's in the past, I have always thought, but never really voiced that they have nice bits on their bodies - I just pay particular attention to them, not just the wobbly bits, but nice legs, chest etc. Usually though for me, the eyes have it - and I do mention those.

Does your dh say that he likes your body regularly?

coppertop · 10/04/2004 19:11

Sorry! I blame it all on sobernow for mentioning naked men wearing slippers.

kiwisbird · 10/04/2004 19:44

do it quite often as he has fantastic arse, he is also very comely round the middle and I make an effort to boost his ego as he is a little insecure about his body...
And he has gorgeous eyes too with a cheeky twinkle, I tell him that too
But never when he is wearing only socks and boxers and never when he spills gravy on his chin
LOL

nikcola · 10/04/2004 20:03

after today im never gonna compliment him again

Tommy · 10/04/2004 20:32

I don't at all - this thread has made me realise it! Mine is insecure about his body too so perhaps I should find bits to compliment him on! I do tell him he smells gorgeous if he does - does that count?

carla · 10/04/2004 20:56

Never - no reason to

hercules · 10/04/2004 20:58

Never! He'd probably have a heartattack if I did although he'd think I was being sarky anyway.

JJ · 10/04/2004 21:00

My husband has a fantastic arse.. which only can be appreciated while naked. And great calves.

He knows I love his ass, but didn't know about his calves...

Yup, he knows it. (As I said to him tonight, "Do you know I love your arse?" He said, yes yes...)

Eowyn · 10/04/2004 21:08

Never, it really isn't what I fell for, maybe if it was we'd have a sex life!

Has nice eyes but now wears glasses, so don't see them properly any more.

Not all that keen on mens bodies come to think of it, I'm with the slippers/socks brigade if that makes any sense. Do now feel a bit guilty, it is almost worth complimenting him just to make him wonder what is going on...