Age gap relationships, being the older woman.opinions of..

[gottafindaman4yagirl]

Just started dating a younger man, I'm early thirties and he's 9 years younger. Can a older woman date younger without it being a issue. Not sure I'm keen on being the older partner, even though I still occasionally get asked for ID when buying alcohol.
I find myself wondering why he's ok with me being older and should I be cautious, any older ladies with successful relationships with younger men ?

No experience but I would expect different maturity levels!

Men can be immature at the best of times never mind those on their early twenties! Good luck though

I met and married my husband when I was 42 and he was 34. We will be celebrating 18 years of marriage this week. The only time it's an issue is if I remember dancing to a particular song at a club and he says 'well I was only doing my 11 plus', or something similar.

Thanks Quite, I have two boys so use to lowering my maturity. Was wondering more on how its judged, if I dated a 43 yr old it would be excepted. Suppose I'm at a age were I think more about getting older. Have to say he's alot more mature Tha some men I have date that have been 10 yrs older Tha myself.

Red, 18 yrs Congratulations. I think if I hear the Toy boy comment I will cringe.

I do think it depends on the age of the younger party. Early 20s is pretty young tbh, if I knew a man who was 33 going out with a 22 year old I might raise an eyebrow. How old are your kids?

It sounds cliche but age really is just a number, any issues will come from big differences in maturity and expectations from the relationship, the same as in any relationship really! I'm 6 years older than my husband, he was 23 when we met, we've now been married a few years and have two small children. If anything he's more mature than I am so the age difference is just not noticeable I our relationship.
It's all about the individuals, if he's mature enough for you and you get on well there's no reason why it can't work out

Good luck
X

Teeb he's 24. I had kids young so had two children by 24. Its very early days so not sure it will work.

I have two sons in their early twenties and would be surprised if one of them was dating a woman in her thirties, from the point of view that it seems a very different life stage.

In some ways, they still seem like kids to me (although they're responsible and hard-working etc) and much as I love them, I can't imagine that they would be mature enough to be in an equal relationship with a woman 10 years older yet!

I think it depends on the individuals involved, to be honest.

I'm 8 years older than my dh. I'm mid 30s. He is more mature than me I think! when I met him I was already divorced twice with a young dd (7 at the time). We are now happily married and have a 2.5 year old son together. It's worked out really well for us!

Under, Maturity not a issue, he's got more grey hairs than myself . I do look young for my age and I think its my own insecurities that's the issue plus its less common for the older woman to be excepted.

My last LTR was with someone more than ten years younger than me. No-one raised an eyebrow, we got on like a house on fire and were very happy. The real issue that raised its head later on was the fact that one day he wanted a family and I was at the stage when I'd decided that this was never going to be a possibility. But I was in my mid-forties at the time not thirties dating a guy in his early twenties.

I'm 11 years older than my fella. Been together nearly six years and have the baby.

If you get the mix right (like any relationship) it can and will work. Opt for an over grown teenager and you will feel like his mother or baby sitter.

I was your age (maybe a year older) with the same gap! I also had dcs. Many years later and 2 more dcs all is well and noone has ever noticed an age gap!

If it makes you feel better Google aaron taylor johnson and his wife :) they seem really happy together.

I suppose I remember being 24 and with two small children and a house to run I was very mature, I would consider having another child but only in a relationship I was sure was long lasting which is never a certainty. I would never go after a younger man and I pointed out straight away the age gap to him.

Fairy, that made me feel alot better Thanks.

Or google Maxwell Caulfield and Juliet Mills. Married in 1980, still together. Juliet is 18 years older than him. It really depends on the people. You can get a 50 year old manchild or a really emotionally intelligent twenty-something. That's life!

Best of luck with the new man!

YY Lemsy I remember seeing Max and Juliet in the sunday colour supplements when i was a kid. Lovely couple.

My older son is 20 but has been about 55 since he was 3 - not all young men are immature - it's just a sexist generalisation.

I'm 33 and my partner is 25, 2 years down the line I've never felt so loved and so secure in a relationship. I was worried at the start about the age difference but he never was, at times he's more mature than I am and I'm more immature than him! We work well together.

If it feels right go for it. If people talk, prove them wrong like we did.

Good luck

Timely thread. I have a date tomorrow with a 33 year old. I am 42. Its only the children thing that bothers me. He doesn't have any and I have two and wouldn't (and probably couldn't) want any more.

Its hardly a first date topic though so not giving it too much headspace!

gotta I'm 12 years older than my husband. We were friends first for a while and I didnt want any more because of the age gap ... til he backed away cause it hurt too much and I realised how much I missed him.

The experience gap does matter particularly when one of you is still early 20's. The sheer life experience isn't yet there (usually).

Experience's still not the be-all and end all though. Really whether it can work or not from the age pov depends on how responsible he is. A lot of 24 year olds are still pretty irresponsible. If you think he knows how to work at a relationship in the tough times as well as the good and if he knows how to pull his weight around the house, then those are good signs. If you're not his first relationship that's probably also a good thing.

Husband and I had a very rocky start when we moved in together - he had a lot of growing up to do, I had to adjust to living with someone else after many years happily living alone. But we got there and are now contented and happy. The age gap isnt something we ever think about.

The quality of the relationship is what matters.

The upside is having a virile young man in your bed giving you lots of sex, the downside is that he may be looking for a mother figure.

I know two couples where the woman is 6/7 years older. The first have been together for 60 years. He's 82 and she's gosh, she must be 88 now!

So obviously the age difference is irrelevant now. I'm sure a lot of people don't even realise. They married when he was about 25 and she was early thirties and went on to have four children. So from his point of view I guess you could say her age truly made no difference to how his life ended up. They're both hale and hearty so its certainly no certainty of her dying before him or anything morbid like that.

The other couple are 41 & 34. Have been together since he was about 21. She always found it stressful. His friends would say thoughtless things like "You look great for your age!" & she'd feel ancient.

Now its getting to the stage where although he has always insisted he never wanted kids, the door is closing on her anyway. She's petrified he's going to have a mid-thirties crisis and want kids all of a sudden and she'll be too old. But still he insists he won't, so you just have to trust it, I guess. But she HATES being the one that'd be too old if that happens. I reckon she'll always have a hangup about it. She's getting crows feet and he still looks brimming with youth. She never found it easy.

I'm 7 years older than DH, met him when he was 34 and had no intention of marrying him; as far as I was concerned he would be a fling. He had other ideas. We've been together 10 years and have 2 young DC.

It worked out well. He doesn't like my taste in music full stop so we could never reminisce about tunes. I had to house-train him a little and get used to living with him after being so happy on my own. He's much more mature than me and I still love going out and partying whilst he's a homebody.