How would you feel if your boyfriend said these things to you about his ex...?

[treeoutsidemyhouse]

They went out for 8 months last year. He mentions her a lot. She just seems to pop up in conversations every now and then. He says he can't stand her, that she was crazy, had mental health problems, was stupid/thick (despite having a PhD and holding an academic position at a local university), that she was rude to his friends, that she was vain/shallow (only cared about designer goods). He said that she never meant anything to him (despite being his longest relationship in 15 years - he said that his previous relationships only last on average a couple of months). I know that he had introduced her to his elderly parents and had gone on several holidays with her including a holiday with a friend's family.

I asked him what it was that he saw in her then and he said that it was all about sex - that she was "very wild" and that he didn't want to go into details.

It makes me think that he still has feelings for her and also screams alarm bells in that he doesn't seem to have anything nice to say about her. I don't really like any thing that he is saying tbh.

What do others think?

I would feel really disappointed because I wouldn't be able to feel the same way about him at all. Why is he so offensive about her? If she was so awful why was he with her for so long? Why is he still obsessing about her?

He sounds inadequate and unpleasant.

Oh dear, I would be worried. He sounds like the kind of guy who likes you so long as you act like a sexy doormat. Any difference of lifestyle or opinion must be 'crazy'. I don't have time for men who speak badly about their exes.

Added to what else has been said, in 8 months there was time for several holidays?

I would say that he doesn't like women very much. Not just this woman - any woman.

I would think he hated women

and that you will be the next topic of conversation between him and the next daft bird that thinks he has anything good to offer any self-respecting woman

What would I think?

Well, first I'd think that he was clearly a nasty inadequate twat who hates women and is best steered clear of...

... and secondly I'd think - 'Oh, so she dumped you, did she?!'

Dump this one PRONTO.

Yeah, I would think that he was an immature knob end who doesn't have a lot of respect for women.

The fact that 8 months was his longest relationship in 15 YEARS would be a red flag to me too.

In real terms, I would probably dump him and then invite his ex out for a coffee just for fun.

She was 'thick' but he went out with her for 8 months. What did the poor man have to talk to her about? And the sex was 'wild'? To be old-fashioned, this man is not a gentleman.

Your comments all confirm what I was thinking. Am pleased to announce he has got his ass dumped :)

Well done!

I agree! a guy that has only managed an 8m relationship in 15 YEARS? That is all you need to know!

Well done you!

You're right. There's a thin line between love and hate. Methinks he doth protest too much.

Woo-hooo. I like to see a woman not tolerate this shit.

for me that is a long list of concerns.

I think he is insecure. And you don't go on several holidays with someone and introduce them to your elderly parents if they mean nothing to you.

Well done for getting rid!!
'Not a gentleman' perfectly describes him, halfwildlingwoman.

How people talk about a past rl is very revealing. Slagging off is not good.
One can say 'it didn't work out' or 'we weren't compatible', but gory details are out of order.

Describing past sexual habits and styles is totally a no-no. And probably a hint to you to up your sexiness - cheeky man!

'Mentioning' an ex all the time is obviously a sign he misses her. Do not be a rebound gf.

Broadly speaking, if a potential bf alerts your instinct-alarm in any way, put the excitement to one side for a moment and do a thorough, passionless review, and don't hesitate to dump if necessary. You'll save yourself no end of trouble.

yay! one piece of scum duely dumped. good going =)

Uncanny. I just left a man who was verbally abusing me and emotionally abusing me. I have am going for a PHD and he is telling others I have a mental health problem. I have anxiety made worse by his abuse. You need to run. This is so uncanny. This is so similar to my ex.

Excuse *have

It's similar to mine too, but he slagged off some girlfriends and not others. Joining the dots later, after much abuse, I sussed out that actually he mainly just hated women full stop. He never mentioned sex except to say that it was always rubbish and 'not like this' before. I don't think he was telling the truth and since he eventually became extremely sexually abusive I rather think it was all part of the grooming process.

I agree Spring. The guy I was with seemed to hate women. I was clueless, but i've now done a course in red flags and abusive types. The problem here is that you will be the next women who he calls crazy. If a man says these types of things, I now know to run as fast as my legs will carry me. That man is either a jerk of the highest order, or an abuser - and I want to date neither.

Omg, do you really find this man attractive???

I should add..Spring, I'm sorry you had to go through that.

Yep edie and sorry you had to too. Glad you have dumped him OP!
Mine said his first serious gf - years earlier- had been loathed by all his friends, was materialistic, demanding and needed a slap once as she would just not shut up. Ah, ok......

Absolutely the comments about her being wild in bed should send you running for those hills. The only person who ever discussed his previous sex life with me was also the only one who cheated on me. With the person whose sexual proclivities he'd discussed with me. It's a shorthand way of saying "you may think I'm lucky to have you but actually I'm a lovegod with lots of sexual experience so you better be grateful to have me" vomit