Ok, it's a bit mean to mock someone's online dating profile..

[CatKisser]

but this guy's a total prize. Choice extracts:

A lady that likes to wear high-heeled sexy stilettos or leather boots, because she knows that I like it when she wears them, even though her feet kill for hours afterwards

A lady that doesn’t mind twining a leg through mine in a public place to express her lust and affection would be the icing on the cake, especially if she’s a petite brunette (though having a pulse is the main criteria).

Why aren't I petite?!

smelling cinnamon and freshly cut grass, experiencing the dampness of the nearest UK beach, tasting a tear or other form of moistness,

I believe wholeheartedly in dragons, good women, and other such fantasy creatures and think there’s somebody for everybody out there somewhere.

If you share my strong belief that real love is all about sharing, and therefore you don’t mind joining me and my harem, then I look forward very much to hearing from you.

Just...WHY?

I'm on an iPad so I can't do an image search but I wonder if the photo has been lifted from somewhere else. I think it must be a fake profile. It might have been set up maliciously

Aww. He sounds sort of sweet, in an accidentally very very creepy sort of way :(

"My most impressive party-piece is to recite the number pi to 18 decimal points, by heart

I can touch my nose with my tongue. Do you think we are a match made in heaven?!

NotMNRoyalty I did an image search on tineye and got 0 results.

I think it is real, Ive seen others like it of a similar vein too.

I feel quite sorry for him.

He strikes me as an awkward type who's tried way too hard with his profile. He probably spent hours labouring over each word.

I've met many people like this, mostly middle aged men, who've been alone too long and become a mixture of cynical and naive.

Is it Simon Cowell? Has sinitta handed in her notice and he needs a harem replacement?

"tasting a tear or other form of moistness" made me throw up a little. Eww.

But I agree, he does not sound that bad (can you tell that I've done a LOT of online dating), just awkward and trying too hard.

I much prefer to mock those massively arrogant ones, who believe they deserve at least supermodels-domestic goddess hybrids, while being barely an Average Joe themselves.

Don't feel sorry for him, he has a hareem

Oh dear. After a recent bruising experience I am firmly nestling on the shelf and staying well clear of OLD for now but am slightly addicted to viewing profiles for bonkers gems like these. I am quite stupidly amused by the line 'experiencing the dampness of the nearest uk beach'...never mind the dragons.

...but as said up thread at least this means the loons are filtered out nice and early!

a friend saw my stbx on a dating site recently. She showed me his pic, and I swear it looked like a booking photo of a terrorist.

I could never ever sign up for online dating... mainly because my stbx has signed up on every single one known to man. But then... he was doing that while we were still together, so old habits and all....

I couldn't help but Google him too as I wondered what this 'catch' looked like.

I thought the bit about dragons might have hooked him a couple of replies from some GOT fans but who on earth would bother after reading this...

"Forget the past, instead live in the now and whilst you’re at it why not enjoy having an unadulterated wild time with another born-again virgin? And then, as soon as you are hooked and your mother has learnt to respect and accept me…..I RUN LIKE HELL!! Hey... what's your problem? At least I’m honest"

Honest? Well yes. Eventually. It's a shame POF doesn't give a little summary of each profile so you don't have to waste time reading about damp beaches.

His would read - "I'm happy to shag you until the novelty wears off then I'm on to the next without so much as a backwards glance"

I reckon it's Balonz.

I also enjoy exploring big open spaces (especially the one between thy ears)