Ok, it's a bit mean to mock someone's online dating profile..

[CatKisser]

but this guy's a total prize. Choice extracts:

A lady that likes to wear high-heeled sexy stilettos or leather boots, because she knows that I like it when she wears them, even though her feet kill for hours afterwards

A lady that doesn’t mind twining a leg through mine in a public place to express her lust and affection would be the icing on the cake, especially if she’s a petite brunette (though having a pulse is the main criteria).

Why aren't I petite?!

smelling cinnamon and freshly cut grass, experiencing the dampness of the nearest UK beach, tasting a tear or other form of moistness,

I believe wholeheartedly in dragons, good women, and other such fantasy creatures and think there’s somebody for everybody out there somewhere.

If you share my strong belief that real love is all about sharing, and therefore you don’t mind joining me and my harem, then I look forward very much to hearing from you.

Just...WHY?

I don't know why you're all pointing out you aren't petite or brunette or whatever. Having a pulse is the main criteria, so anything else is just a bonus. He's not being too fussy

I'm just trying to work out which dating site it is, so I can reply.

I am petite and brunette but the harem and the dragons are regrettably deal-breakers for me.
Especially the dragons.

Haha. I remembrt one I read that was in a similar vein.

Sample extract: I will buy you chocolate when you're pms-ing

Did anyone actually contact him..?!

I'd prefer that than have some fella tasting my tears.

That is so wrong.

What on Earth. He's fucking weird.

I had a private message from a bloke (whose profile I'd viewed out of curiosity because he had an anti-feminist statement thing as his main picture!) saying "ugh creepy. You must be fat or ugly. Or both". because I have no photo (because I'm on their for "hook ups" and dont need the locals knowing my past times).

What do you say to that? I said "I'm banging actually" but I probably shouldn't have replied

Where do these men live?
I'm sure I've never come across someone who uses the word "moistness".

If he said he actually had a dragon (rather than merely believing in them), I might well reply out of curiosity. But as it is, it's just a let down.

Googling the cinnamon line brings up his profile..... and this thread

Feathered friends in unflattering flash fail :(

Folkgirl - I think I have seen that profile in the past, did he also say that he can make a woman laugh no matter what time of the month it is?

If it's the same one then he looked like he needed a bloody good wash!

I like off the wall profiles. Better than:

My friends say I am....
I am genuine and honest
I'm not very good at describing myself
My kids are my world

Yawn!!

Yuk. I googled, he is not my type understatement of the year it's hard to believe he is anyone's type.

I have to delete my browsing history now other Dh might get the wrong idea.

Might it be a fake profile.

Royalty

Oh good grief that has never occured to me!

The links I click from here and I never delete history

'Moist'
I'm surprised he's still single op. I think YABVVVU and wonder why you haven't snapped him up!

LOL, I googled.

totally worth it

Basically, he wants the waitress from Allo Allo.

Please reply asking if he has a dragon.

I think it very useful- you can rule him straight out without wasting any time on him.

He must trip over a lot with all these lustful ladies twining their leg around him in public

Oh my god. His user name says it all really.
Yuk.

Forget the past, instead live in the now and whilst you’re at it why not enjoy having an unadulterated wild time with another born-again virgin? And then, as soon as you are hooked and your mother has learnt to respect and accept me…..I RUN LIKE HELL!! Hey... what's your problem? At least I’m honest

Who would respond to a man like that?

That comes under the remit of, 'when someone tells you who they are, listen to them.

"....whilst I’m at it if you are only 18 ... don't think I'm too old for you either, as I’m like a fine wine that gets better with each passing year."

Almost old enough to be her grandad.

It's clearly a piss take???

The links I click from here and I never delete history
Quite. My son in law is my network manager.

I couldn't date a man who doesn't even know the singular of criteria

No future Mrs Sausagemans on here then?