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Original poster

Insecure partner

30 replies

disimpson · 05/10/2014 16:18

My partner seems to spend a lot of time worrying about our sex life and i don't really know why. He is worried about making me orgasm (which admitted doesn't ever really happen during sex itself) he worries about the fact that he comes quite quickly sometimes (but nothing i have ever complained about), he worries and being 'big enough' to satisfy me properly (he isn't the smallest, certainly not the biggest either - but again he doesn't know that).. Does anyone else have any similar experiences or advice?
Thanks
Di

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 05/10/2014 16:20

what form does this "worrying" take ?

Original poster
disimpson · 05/10/2014 16:22

Just questioning me and himself about things - was that good enough, sorry i came quick, are you sure that felt alright...asks about previous partners and how he compares etc (usually only when he has had a few too many drinks)

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 05/10/2014 16:24

If he badgers you for information/reassurance that would get very wearing and potentially bordering on abusive. How long does he go on for and how does he react when you tell him to shut up about it ?

AnyFucker · 05/10/2014 16:25

Because I would, i would tell him to shut up about it. He has no business asking you about your previous sexual experiences, for any reason at all.

cailindana · 05/10/2014 16:32

I agree with AF. A bit of insecurity is normal, but repeated questioning, and questions about previous partners, is annoying and rude. Tell him you'll let him know if you want to change anything or if you have a problem but for now you're fine with your sex life and you only want to hear him talk about it if he has something constructive to say. No more questions.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 05/10/2014 16:44

He sounds like hard work if he wants constant reassurance and continuous assessment. Agree with PP s that it's none of his business who else you've had sex with or what it was like. How longstanding a partner is he? If it's early days it might be quicker to give him the heave ho.

DHandhisgrossfoot · 05/10/2014 16:54

There's a huge difference between a partner saying 'show me what you like' and 'was that ok, are you sure if felt good?' in the bedroom. I'd tell him that tbh. The first one is good as that way he can learn what you like and enjoy, the second one is just plain irritating and a complete and utter turn off. If you can get him to understand the difference maybe he'll stop.

BirdhouseInYourSoul · 05/10/2014 16:54

I think this would wear thin very quickly with me.

I would maybe have a frank talk about how he has to trust you to know your own mind and trust that if something wasn't working for you you would always voice that with him.

It must be annoying being with someone who is looking for problems where they don't exist.

Original poster
disimpson · 05/10/2014 17:55

i guess i dont want to make things worse. It doesnt really wind me up or anything. Guess i just wish he didnt worry so much. That said maybe a firm conversation would be a good idea. But dont think you cum to quick and my last partner had a much bigger penis than you would help that much somehow!

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 05/10/2014 17:56

How long have you been seeing each other?

Original poster
disimpson · 05/10/2014 18:00

We are married - 5 years

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 05/10/2014 18:01

Look, people who push too much for "honesty" are likely to get it in the end (when you lose patience with constantly stroking his ego) and they won't like what they hear

A bit like those who eavesdrop never hear anything good

Tell him to shut up about it, because it is deeply unsexy to constantly need reassurance they are a cross between George Clooney and Dirk Diggler (now there's a mental image I didn't expect to have this Sunday evening)

I have a feeling this relationship won't last though. Had you considered that if it is this much hard work, it's not really worth it ?

AnyFucker · 05/10/2014 18:02

Your husband is still asking about previous sexual relationships ?

Oh dear

I would file that under "controlling nobhead" tbh

CogitoErgoSometimes · 05/10/2014 18:07

Five years and he's still pulling this crap? You have to tell him - as harshly as you like - that it's got to stop. Tell him that clingy and insecure is doing him no favours and he should shut up if he has any sense. If he needs psychiatric help point him towards the GP.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 05/10/2014 18:10

Btw... he doesn't ask these questions when in the middle of sex, does he? Not like some bad porn dialogue. ... 'Tell me I'm the best you've ever had!' and similar? Ewwww....

Original poster
disimpson · 05/10/2014 18:11

i sense a rather harsh confrontation coming on!!

OP posts:
Original poster
disimpson · 05/10/2014 18:15

no it is not during sex - usually after sex

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 05/10/2014 18:18

He is spoiling your sex life. No excuses for that.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 05/10/2014 18:18

Maybe you should tell him the truth? What was it... he comes too soon and he has a tiny dick? Falls into the bracket of 'don't ask a question if you're not prepared for an answer you don't like'.

AnyFucker · 05/10/2014 18:18

Indeed Smile

Original poster
disimpson · 05/10/2014 18:21

it's not tiny - just ...well you know....not in the same sort of league as before...mmm nice thought :)

OP posts:
Original poster
disimpson · 05/10/2014 18:28

actually should definatley not be thinking about that right now!!!!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 05/10/2014 18:30

di

you are also not being fair to him to discuss the nitty gritty here with Smile dotted about the place

if he came across your posts here, I would have to do a turnaround and say you are the one out of order

be careful with your high ground, dude

Original poster
disimpson · 05/10/2014 18:31

oh i know - just never sure whether to cry or laugh sometimes

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 05/10/2014 18:33

< hard stare >

Do you think that comes across to him?