What is considered a healthy level of self-interest in a fairly new relationship?

[1FluffyJumper]

Hi Guys
Just that question really.
Have been seeing someone for just less that a year. We don't live together but it's on the cards.
I came to the relationship with my quiet life (though a very time consuming and tiring job) and no kids, and he came with a little one who he sees regularly (I wouldn't be with him if he wasn't committed to that relationship), a busy job and a couple of time consuming hobbies.
I often feel I'm last on the list of his priorities and our contact is the first to suffer if he has something 'more important' to do or he is tired.
I often feel like I do more of the running around for the relationship (we live half an hours drive apart), which I didn't mind so much at the start, but now it's starting to irritate me as I feel taken for granted and I've told him i'm going to do less...which often ends up in us seeing each other once a week rather than twice a week (be it maybe for the whole weekend).
The response I seem to be getting from him is that he is just so busy / tired / etc and he cant help it and is unwilling to change (granted that he did try to do more of a fair share for a bit but it now seems to have fallen by the wayside).
I have pretty low self-esteem and I don't know if i'm just over-thinking things.

Is is worth it? (not my opinion but trying to make a rational argument and something for you to think about)

Passed over for sport on saturday
Ignored on sunday
He ditched you wednesday
You ditch him on saturday

As for half an hour drive, that is nothing and is not really any justification for not seeing each other. If it were, my father would never have come home from work to see my mother, he often drove 2 hours each way for work, each day. I worked 70 hours a week at one point and drove 40 mins to see my then BF, as did he. He would often land at Heathrow and drive straight to mine having worked pretty much non-stop for seven days. Half an hour is nothing. Why would half an hour keep two people away from each other if they were in love.

Hmmm I don't know op.

I think if a woman came on here and said

"I've only been seeing this guy for a year and I'm really happy that we are taking things steady and not rushing into anything. I took 6 months before I introduced him to my child for instance. Anyway, this guy is now starting to pressurise me into rushing forward. He wants me to give up my hobbies and move in but I'm just not ready. What should I do?"

I think she might get a different response?

I think your bf is actually being quite sensible.

I don't want him to give up his hobbies. I just don't want to feel like I come last on the list of his priorities...i.e. when he's tired its our day that has to be pulled. If i went to his all the time i'm sure he would be happy to see me more.

The moving in thing hadn't been mentioned at all, ever, not in the first 9 months. I needed to know it was on his radar. He said he was going to bring it up at the one year mark if it hadn't been raised by then. That put my mind at ease. It's been mentioned in light conversation a couple of times since (eg. 'i'd have to bring my sofa fyi') and he was totally fine with it being brought up.

I think you are both at different stages in life - you want more from this relationship which is reasonable. When I met dh we were both in demanding long hours jobs, we each had dc and lived nearly an hour away. Dh made time for me and I felt I was important to him. He would call into my home, after he dropped his dc home, often late just to see me for 30mins. We would stay over at each other homes but then get up very early to be home before work. It was exhausting but we prioritised each other. When I was overwhelmed with chores or life etc he would ask what could he do to help.

I think you are feeling that you're not important to him and you have to listen to that. I would move on, you deserve better.

I was exhausted and was a 4-5 hr trip to see partner after long week and sometimes only for a few hours, but you do that if someone is important enough to you; he doesn't sound that bothered, find someone that values you as you want to be valued