How would you deal with this?

[ontheedgeagain]

Dh has been looking at teenage porn, found it accidentally. I am really uncomfortable with this as we have a dd the same age, I just cant get my head around why a fifty plus male would look at this stuff. Made me look at dh in whole new light. Really affected my relationship with him, just so wrong.

I am getting it twinkle, its shocking what's on the net. I hear what you are saying an you have made some valid points..

Sex Money and Slavery A personal account of a young girl trafficked for porn.

Sorry xpost OP.

I posted those two links to show your husband as much as anything, because some people are naive about the porn industry. To give him the benefit of the doubt he may not be aware of the links between trafficking and porn, many people aren't.

I think some of you need to calm the hell down and look at what you're saying.

From what I see op is horrified and I've no doubt from her posts she will protect her DD.

Projecting and making up as fact that he has committed an offence, you don't know that. Suggesting he is wanking over the DD or set cameras up is nothing short of sick scaremongering and is not needed. Don't you think she is tormented enough about these prospects? I can see from her posts she is indeed. Which is why I've no doubt that op will protect her daughter and maybe hit the realisation she needs to leave.

The problem is she's fully aware of what she's seen and isn't instantly going to the police like you all demand.

Reality check. On porn sites, mainstream ones, there are loads and loads of "teen" things. It's sick and disgusting. It seems to be a common theme on these sites. It's not illegal, nor is it a police matter. There is no proof at all he's commited any offence. So screaming at op with all sorts of scenarios is totally unhelpful and you'll just scare off other people getting advice.

She has seen what he's accessed and is confident it is legal so let that be.

I think the whole porn industry should be abolished so I'm not a porn apologist, but from what I gather "teen" where they make 18/19 year old women into a "babysitter" or something. Is pretty sick but it's not illegal sadly and is just a common a "category" as milf etc.

I think some posters have gone a bit OTT, Masterbuilders but at the same time, if you'd actually checked it out yourself you'd see that the 18 plus law is unenforceable on anonymous sites, and I don't believe that it is always complied with.

In my second link above, Jessica Richardson, a victim of trafficking herself in the US, who now helps other victims said:

"A man might not know the difference between a fourteen- and an eighteen-year-old"... But in the course of her work helping trafficked victims and researching pornography, she has observed that a lot of girls “branded as eighteen years old couldn’t have been a day over fourteen.”

Furthermore, there are an estimated 100,000 juveniles in the US who are or have been sex trafficked, according to a national report, and it could be as high as 300,000 according to a charity for missing children.

I do get your point, and he's treading a dangerous line. However if op has seen it and says it's the usual teen stuff (boak) then it's not illegal. It's just normal porn :( so I'd take her on face value.

I think op is truly horrified he revels in the whole teen scenario and is fully conscious of the implications of this with a teen in the house.

I don't think people attacking her for not reporting him and calling her a risk or making up scenarios is helpful. I'm sure she already is thinking it through herself and I do think op will deal with it.

He was on porn hub which is a vast video-sharing site, with pro and amateur footage. According to their ts and cs all participants should be over 18, but stuff is uploaded from all over the world so there's no way of enforcing that. Viewers are supposed to flag inappropriate content and it will be deleted, but porn viewers are not likely to be the most conscientious bunch in that regard.

Each bit of footage links to other websites and porn hub have no control over what is on those sites.

Even in porn hub itself there are categories of 'extra small teen' and 'very young teen' which I must admit I could never bring myself to click on.

I posted this earlier-

You claim your DD is safe, but how can you be sure? If he has wanked over photos of her in a swimsuit, is she still "safe"? If he has pulled back her covers when she is asleep and had a wank over that image, is she still "safe"?

I used the word "if" as I was asking the OP to question her idea of "safety", in that it's not just physical safety that matters. Her DH may not have sexually abused her DD but where is the line? What does she mean by "safe"?

I was not trying to be dramatic, I am concerned because the OP sounds in shock and seems to be minimising things. I was trying to help her to consider the situation from different angles and to understand her own boundaries in terms of safety and harm.

OP, I accept that you are tech savvy but the police have forensic software that can find hidden and deleted images etc. your DH could have used other means of accessing this stuff too like his phone etc.

OK, I'll calm the hell down.

The point is that OP's husband has (apparently) shown an inclination for being sexually aroused by young girls based on his viewing images of teen porn. That would be enough for me to have second thoughts about him. Whether or not the actresses/models are or are not underaged, the mere fact that may be aroused by the images is, IMO, cause for alarm.

Even if he never 'did anything' the mere thought that he may be looking at my daughter's friends 'in that way' would make me sick.

At the very least, OP needs to have a frank discussion with him and if she feels it was more than just passing curiosity, demand that he get help.

I'm sorry you are going through this on the edge. It is a particular kind of hell. My ExDP came up with all sorts of reasons the first time I discovered unsavoury stuff. I listened to him but ultimately I realised within a few days that I didn't see him in the same way. The magic was gone. He realised this and made a big effort and it got back to 80 -90% OK and I told myself that him saying it was just curiosity was livable with, even though I knew in my soul that a 17yo may be curious but in a 34yo it is more likely to be something more sinister. He had two kids from previous marriage too which was gut churning.
When I discovered the real Hebephiliac stuff though, it was like a shutter had come down in my mind but I was away with work for a few days so decided to look at the problem drunk and sober and I then discussed it with someone I trusted to have a very evenly balanced view on life. I knew I just wanted out by the time I got back home and just started packing. My trusted friend said that kids, animals and dead bodies can't say no and therefore any sexual feelings towards that 'genre' is therefore abhorrent and that's before you analyse it further into age groups and stuff. I wanted to stay because I loved him but I needed to get away because I just saw him as someone that perpetuated the trade in very abusing porn and could not live in a house where that sort of stuff was considered OK. I'm not a prude.
I realise the stuff your DH was looking at is probably not as extreme as I have described but I recognise that you feel like the ground has moved beneath your feet, you don't recognise your own life or marriage and it all feels like it's the end of the world. I wanted to turn the clock back. You have to be true to what you feel in your own gut about what this says about your DH.

I too divorced my ex h partially due to 'young' porn. Two seperate family/children's support agencies were alarmed and the police were involved and refused to look at his IT.
Individually two officers (male) advised me 'it is normal for men to fantasise about young girls'.
Also due to related incidents social services were involved and on two seperate occasions the case was closed. On no occasion did anybody ask to look at ex h's IT, I was made to feel like a hysterical nutter by both professionals and some friends and family. My faith in the services has been shaken and I am left no further enlightened than I was when it first kicked off.

I agree, however step onto a mainstream site (I dare you). Teen porn will be a theme, guaranteed. Sadly.

No children involved and legal.