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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Losing a friend because of headlice

87 replies

plama · 28/09/2006 09:04

I think I've lost a friend because of headlice. We have been friends for over 4 years and my DD1 was born just around the same time as her DS. They grew up together and we were the best of friends. We would see each other 2 or 3 times a week and went on holiday together. We socialised as couples too, and had girlie days at spas etc. All in all I thought a rock solid friendship. Last year we both moved away from our base city, me 250 miles away, her 50 miles, but we had long chats on the phone and had each visited the other. About a month ago I visited her again with my husband, DD1 and new DD2. On the second day I discovered DD1 had headlice. I was upset, but knew that it was common in nursery aged kids. I told my friend and she flipped, asking me when I'd washed DD's hair etc, then rushing out to buy shampoo, electronic nit comb etc. She also started washing all the bedlinen and towels ( including the ones that were still folded that we hadn't used and making me feel like a leper). She had a nit comb and insectiside lotion in her house "just in case" but I didn't want to use the lotion as I am breastfeeding my DD2. She told me her son's nursery had a parents meeting to discuss headlice ( so it was obviously a problem there too). She said she felt particularly phobic about headlice. I understand that she was upset, but I would never have gone had I known about it. I could tell she was upset, so sent her a bouquet of flowers to apologise for the "uninvited guests".. Two days later I had to drive back to collect shoes that I'd forgotten, and was treated very coolly. She went on holiday for two weeks a short time later. Last night I phoned her for a chat and the reception was still very frosty.. I Just feel sad and angry that I seem to have lost a friend because of nits,and that her upset at the time hasn't calmed down now 5 weeks later. Should I persevere or give up? I do feel I've tried to make it right.

OP posts:
Tessiebear · 29/09/2006 12:00

I have , in the past, reacted similarly to you friend about something like this- Simply because i had a bit of a phobia aboutit and it had not yet happened to my child etc. Once i had calmed down I was the one doing the apologising and hoping that my reaction had not offended my good friend. If anything - she should have sent you flowers to apologise for her behaviour IMO

anniemac · 29/09/2006 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ledodgyrobespierre · 29/09/2006 12:16

Oh no I didn't mean you can't get nits if you have wavy hair! I was just saying my hair was wavy because anniemac was saying they go on all different types of hair and I thought i'd mention mine was wavey. I was just lucky and I did get them when I was 22 anyway.

anniemac · 29/09/2006 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

daisy1999 · 29/09/2006 12:21

I think it's understandable to be a bit freaked out if you've never come across them before. I never had nits as a child and my dd had them for the first time at age 7, but we always had a nit comb.
tbh I was a little freaked out and probably over-reacted when I saw them. If you've never had them before it can be a little un-nerving. Give your friend some time.

joelallie · 29/09/2006 13:03

I don't care how freaked out she was, she was just plain rude! And to fail to respond to an open-hearted apology just compounds the rudeness.

anniemac - I was in the same boat as you last year. I was always combing their hair - all 3 of them AND my own! And they were never clear for more than a few days. Horrible!

ratclare · 30/09/2006 19:02

oh purrrlease , nits ,headlice ,unwelcome visitors whathave you . we are not talking vampires here. I dont know anyone who hasnt suffered from the pesky little beasties at some point. Tell her her to stop getting her fanny flaps in such a tizz and worry about something important like memengitis or TB ,i hardly think nits count as a communicable disease ! If you ever get another invite to stay make sure you leave having left skid marks on all her folded linen

Judy1234 · 01/10/2006 10:10

How awful of her. Our older children had them a lot years ago and yet my siblings and I never got them as a child.

Try Hedrin.

www.thorntonandross.co.uk/hedrin/index.html

I'm completely biased because I've been advising the inventor for years and it's so rare an invention takes off... but in this case I can genuinely say it's effective and sales massively taken off this year. Great success story.

plama · 01/10/2006 20:36

I really am hoping it will all blow over, but I'm going to wait and see if she phones me. Despite being hurt by her reaction at the time, she was previously a good friend and I would be happy to pretend it never happened.

OP posts:
Red12 · 03/10/2006 00:51

my 5 kids have had nits on and off for years they catch them every where and any where iv come to accept that kids schools and nits all come together boys are easy to deal with shave it off but my girls i condition comb every couple of days apparently heat kills them so i put there pillows and clothes in a hot dryer for half hour every night and wash evey couple of days there is no permanent solution i have found a few deterents like hair sray and gel nothing permanent people who think their above getting these little crawlies need to sort their heads out its not dirty they are as common as any other insect xx good luck with ur friend i feel a bit sorry for her really she sounds like a bit of a snob she will come round eventually x

Red12 · 03/10/2006 00:54

she prob just needs a bit of knowledge on the subject as u can be scared of the things you dont no about xx that will come with time and patience on your part xx

FatThighs · 04/10/2006 19:37

she is overreating obviously - nearly everyone seems to think so.

Nits seem really bad if you have never had them but once you deal with them it becomes another one of the many 'joys' of parenting.

She MUST be upset about something else - surely! Can you call her or something and ask her outright if anything is wrong?

If she doesn't come round tell her your children have worms too and must have caught them from her as she is so anal.

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