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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Losing a friend because of headlice

87 replies

plama · 28/09/2006 09:04

I think I've lost a friend because of headlice. We have been friends for over 4 years and my DD1 was born just around the same time as her DS. They grew up together and we were the best of friends. We would see each other 2 or 3 times a week and went on holiday together. We socialised as couples too, and had girlie days at spas etc. All in all I thought a rock solid friendship. Last year we both moved away from our base city, me 250 miles away, her 50 miles, but we had long chats on the phone and had each visited the other. About a month ago I visited her again with my husband, DD1 and new DD2. On the second day I discovered DD1 had headlice. I was upset, but knew that it was common in nursery aged kids. I told my friend and she flipped, asking me when I'd washed DD's hair etc, then rushing out to buy shampoo, electronic nit comb etc. She also started washing all the bedlinen and towels ( including the ones that were still folded that we hadn't used and making me feel like a leper). She had a nit comb and insectiside lotion in her house "just in case" but I didn't want to use the lotion as I am breastfeeding my DD2. She told me her son's nursery had a parents meeting to discuss headlice ( so it was obviously a problem there too). She said she felt particularly phobic about headlice. I understand that she was upset, but I would never have gone had I known about it. I could tell she was upset, so sent her a bouquet of flowers to apologise for the "uninvited guests".. Two days later I had to drive back to collect shoes that I'd forgotten, and was treated very coolly. She went on holiday for two weeks a short time later. Last night I phoned her for a chat and the reception was still very frosty.. I Just feel sad and angry that I seem to have lost a friend because of nits,and that her upset at the time hasn't calmed down now 5 weeks later. Should I persevere or give up? I do feel I've tried to make it right.

OP posts:
tissy · 28/09/2006 11:50

Well, when my dd had headlice, and I was due to go and visit my brother and his family, I phoned and asked if db wanted me to cancel the visit (his 3 girls all have VERY long hair which would be a PITA to delouse), and he said no of course not. Lice are a fact of life in school age children- they all have them at some time or other. I think your friend was over-reacting to the situation- your son is highly unlikely to have passed them on to her family, unless they were playing very closely together, and even if one or two did jump across (or whatever it is they do)they could easily have been combed away before laying any eggs.

Even if she has a true phobia, your apology and bunch of flowers should have been enough for her. It was entirely reasonable of you not to want to use insecticide- wet combing is more effective anyway!

Bozza · 28/09/2006 11:52

Am I lucky then that 5yo DS (in Y1) and 2yo DD (in day nursery) both of home have been in a nursery/school situation since before they had hair have never had nits?

tissy · 28/09/2006 11:52

yes, very lucky!

Dior · 28/09/2006 11:52

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dinosaur · 28/09/2006 11:53

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

bluejelly · 28/09/2006 11:53

Human beings live in close contact. We spread nits, viruses, stds, bacterial infections, stomach bugs and even parasites.
Most aren't life threatening or even that bad.
People should get over themselves and stop being so precious!

Blu · 28/09/2006 11:53

Steady on, Fluffy, her child might not be 'a molly-coddled brat'!

dinosaur · 28/09/2006 11:54

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

noddyholder · 28/09/2006 11:54

OTT reaction all my ds's friends have been riddled with them at one time or another adn that is life with kids.Such a horrible way to end a friendship though

Bozza · 28/09/2006 11:55

both of whom

FluffyOHaraOfSnugglesville · 28/09/2006 11:57

he will be if she's that worried about headlice - god imagine if somebody pushed him over in the playground - out of school for a week I reckon.

lucykate · 28/09/2006 12:01

i would just talk to her outright about it, tell her that you've sensed an atmosphere since the nit incident and you don't want to fall out with her over something like this.

my sil came to visit us a few weeks ago with her 3 dc's and as soon as they arrived she said she tought her dd might have nits as she'd been scratching, low and behold, she did, poor thing was riddled with them. i've got some herbal spray called 'lice n easy', so we just sprayed everyone, tied hair back and left it at that til they set off home the next day. it is a bit annoying if you know your dc's are nit free and then someone arrives to stay with them, but its not the end of the world, kids get nits, they come with the territory. your friend has way overreacted.

bluejelly · 28/09/2006 12:03

Tell your friend to go and spend time in a hospice for sick children. Honestly the more I think about it the more ridiculous it is

joelallie · 28/09/2006 12:11

It's headlice not bloody bubonic plague. What a precious little primadonna! If she was childless I could partially understand her reacting like that - after all until you realise they are a fact of life they do seem horrible - but one you have a child at nursery they are just one of those things. Annoying but not life-threatening.

Perhaps she got on her high horse about them at the nursery meeting and is now terrified that her child might turn up with them...

And it doesn't matter how much she hates lice you apologised and sent flowers. Sheessh....

berrycherry · 28/09/2006 12:13

overreaction! hopefully she will get over it....she has many years ahead of little notes coming back from teacher saying headlice are around.

hulababy · 28/09/2006 12:22

Definitely over reacting!

DD has just started school, and although been in nursery has never yet had them. Not looking forward to her getting them - I don't want them (isf she passes them on) - have psorasis of scalp; it'll be a nightmare!

However, even though never had them I have the tea tree shampoo and conditioner (says it is a repellent; MIL got if for me as she works in a chemists) and a comb. I use the shampoo and conditioner, and comb through her hair once every week.

monkey · 28/09/2006 14:18

Dare I ask tho, how did you respond to the discovery of headlice? Maybe it's not the headlice per se that's annoyed her, but your attitude to them ? I don't know, it's impossible to tell from your post, as you don't say, other than you not wanting to use the lotions 'cos of breastfeeding, which of course is fair enough. But if she rushed and and got loads of stuff and you weren't that bothered or didn't make the right noises, maybe that's it?
Turning up with 'uninvited guests', esp if unaware is just one of those things, but not really being that bothered is something else. Like I say, dunnoif this is the case, just a theory.

Have you tried asking her outright why exactly she's still so pissed off?

PrettyCandles · 28/09/2006 14:29

Maybe her ds hasn't had them yet, and she doesn't realise that they're a fact of life with LOs. We never had them as children, and grew up thinking it was a disgusting and shamefull thing to have nits. But by the time ds caught them at a creche I had learned that it was very rare not to catch them at some point, and, thanks to Mumsnet, I also knew how to treat them without hysteria. Nonetheless I struggled to restrain my disgust, which of course I had to do for ds's sake.

I can understand plama's friend's disgust, but not her exaggerated reaction. She sounds like a drama queen TBH, and maybe she needs to moderate her behaviour for her child's sake. How is she going to react when her dd comes home with nits?!

anniemac · 28/09/2006 15:00

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donnie · 28/09/2006 15:05

agree with joelallie and the others- she is being a primadonna.

lulumama · 28/09/2006 15:20

we all caught nits of my best friends kids - we had a 'nit party' sat in the garden covered in lotion, combing and combing , it was quite good fun!!!! can't be precious when you have kids..they wee on you, poo on you, sneeze & vomit on you..and give you nits.....!! does she think nits are a sign of poor hygiene or something?

anniemac · 28/09/2006 15:45

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plama · 28/09/2006 17:53

We were due to leave at lunchtime that day,and I discovered the lice in the bath that morning. I went to the chemist and bought tea tree oil and a nit comb for my DD. She bought an electronic nit comb for us both (which I paid for - but not hers - maybe I should have) We sat in her kitchen and went through the kids hair with the electronic comb there and then, and I combed her hair with it too,( at her request). We were meant to go to a soft play area for lunch with another girl and her DD - but this was cancelled. I left a few hours after, bought some Hedrin and a nitty gritty comb. I was definately going to treat for the lice (just not with the stuff she had in the house) The whole family got treated.

OP posts:
plama · 28/09/2006 18:15

I was also due to meet up with another friend the next day and her 2 children, and was due to stay with my SIL and 2 nephews that weekend. I contacted them all, and told them about the lice, and gave them the option to cancel. They said it was OK.

OP posts:
monkey · 28/09/2006 18:15

then she's completely mad. I'd ask her outright what the problem is I really would, you've got nothing to loose. Bloody hell, what more could you do?

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