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Original poster

Birthday present complaint

41 replies

Fairiesdance1 · 02/10/2014 21:59

A couple of weeks ago it was my dp's birthday. He is difficult to buy for I looked about and got him alcohol, nice glasses for alcohol a picture and a picture mug from the kids as well as cards. I also made him a birthday cake. Last night he said he felt I did not put enough effort into his present and was disappointed with it. Is he right?

OP posts:
FelicityGubbins · 02/10/2014 22:04

No, he's talking shit. If you had got him nothing then he would have something to complain about..

2minsofyourtime · 02/10/2014 22:04

No I don't think so, it depends though what does he get you or the dc's how much effort does he put in?

TeaForTara · 02/10/2014 22:07

What did he suggest you should have done? What did he get/do for your last birthday? What have you done in previous years?

Just going on the information in the OP, no, he is not right, he is being ridiculous.

Original poster
Fairiesdance1 · 02/10/2014 22:07

I normally tell him what to get me and he gets that. With my dc I decide and pay and with his DS he does the same. His ex wife never bought him presents. I have always tried to get him nice stuff. It really upset me and I thought he had a damn cheek both of which I told him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fairiesdance1 · 02/10/2014 22:09

Tara he said he wanted me to pay for tickets. By this time though I had bought his stuff.

OP posts:
KillmeNow · 02/10/2014 22:20

The presents you bought were perfectly fine.If he wanted something specific like tickets then he should have told you in time for you to organise them.

Original poster
Fairiesdance1 · 02/10/2014 22:23

Sorry should of put he had bought the tickets before and wanted me to pay for them. I couldn't afford to do both.

OP posts:
InaPuckle · 02/10/2014 22:25

So, for your birthday, he doesn't really have to put in any effort all?

I wonder why his ex wife never bought him presents? Did she know she'd get complaints for putting in an effort?

Original poster
Fairiesdance1 · 02/10/2014 22:31

No they normally argued before birthdays or Christmas so she never bothered. He did get her presents. Because of this I have always put effort and time in as I thought it was incredibly mean to not get presents. He has never complained before. I have felt that sometimes he needs a filter before he speaks. He has apologised for upsetting me but not for complaining.

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 02/10/2014 22:44

What you provided for him sounds ample and thoughtfully chosen.

How much discussion was there before he went ahead and splurged on tickets? Hope he's not still huffy about it.

Original poster
Fairiesdance1 · 02/10/2014 22:47

Tickets bought months ago. I didn't realise I was expected to pay or I would not of bought other stuff. He is not huffy discussion over as far as he is concerned. It's me that's is a bit upset and a lot annoyed.

OP posts:
primeminister · 02/10/2014 23:32

Seriously? Does anybody actually judge love by presents? Bonkers

WhatsGoingOnEh · 02/10/2014 23:43

No they normally argued before birthdays or Christmas so she never bothered. He did get her presents. Because of this I have always put effort and time in as I thought it was incredibly mean to not get presents

I strongly suspect that he only told you this tosh stuff because he knew it'd make you buy him presents. "My ex was mean to me. I hope you're never mean to me like she was. I was lovely to her, she was mean to me." And so you jump through hoops to prove you're lovelier than she was. And then he criticises you. Hmm

Think of other things he told you about her. "She never cooked me roast dinners. She never did exciting stuff in bed. She believed my watching porn was sexist..." Has he got you hoop-jumping?

Original poster
Fairiesdance1 · 02/10/2014 23:47

We have been together for quite a few years and I have had to endure his ex wife. He is not making it up. She is a very strange person. I do not hoop jump thou. I just felt hurt by his complaint and wonder if it was me over reacting or him being an arse. I still think he was being an arse.

OP posts:
WhatsGoingOnEh · 02/10/2014 23:48

Some men realise how competitive women can be and use it to their own advantage. Usually very successfully.

The trick is not to give a damn what his ex did. Instead, say you don't blame her for not buying him anything, because he's really ungrateful.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 02/10/2014 23:48

YES he was being a massive Arse.

I'm sorry. :-(

Original poster
Fairiesdance1 · 02/10/2014 23:51

Just needed it confirmed. I think that getting tickets has no real thought behind it, but in future I will opt for that option. Thanks for all your input.

OP posts:
Snapespotions · 02/10/2014 23:56

He was BU. I hate it when adults get precious about their birthdays!

EverythingCounts · 02/10/2014 23:57

Don't do that - make it clear to him that if he wants you to buy a specific thing he has to a) say so clearly in plenty of time, and b) it has to be something you can afford. I assume you don't ask him for things he can't afford, so he can do you the same courtesy.

Original poster
Fairiesdance1 · 03/10/2014 00:00

I would only get it if I could afford it and I wanted to go as well!!

OP posts:
PurpleAlert · 03/10/2014 00:15

FGS how old is he?
Tell him to grow up!

Unexpected · 03/10/2014 00:28

So he bought tickets months ago and somehow expected you to realise that he wanted you to pay for them for his birthday. I bet if you had done so he would have complained that he had to by his own birthday present and there was no thought or element of surprise in it! Really, he sounds sulky and ungrateful, especially for someone who never previously got presents from his ex.

Original poster
Fairiesdance1 · 03/10/2014 00:33

I agree, I told him all of this he knows my feelings on his complaint. I think its a case of him not engaging his filter and thinking about my feelings.

OP posts:
TeaForTara · 03/10/2014 13:41

I just felt hurt by his complaint and wonder if it was me over reacting or him being an arse

With the extra info you've given - 100% it was him being an arse. If he wanted you to pay for those tickets for his birthday, he should have said so when he ordered them (or ideally, just before he ordered them.)

I'm glad you called him on it.

Crinkle77 · 04/10/2014 17:43

What alcohol did you buy him? If it was a nice bottle of whisky or something then he is being unreasonable. If it was four cans of beer then he is not.