Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think my co-worker is seeing prostitutes

30 replies

Shantjay · 02/10/2014 20:34

A bit of advice ladies please. After reading some threads on mumsnet, I got a little bit twitchy about my OH and started snooping a bit. He told me that he had paid to see a prostitute years ago and I can't get that out of my head. Once they do that, there's no going back is there? I mean she could have a disease or been forced to do it by a pimp or on drugs. I can't understand why he would do it, but I digress.

I have been reading the threads on a really awful website called It's a site for men who use prostitutes. I found out about it on another thread here. Anyway, they all seem pretty open about things on there and I thought that maybe my OH was using it.

However, there is a poster there who, from what he says, I think maybe a co-worker of mine. If not it is a huge coincidence. He has a really lovely wife who I have become friends with and three beautiful children.

What should I do? Should I suggest that she checks out the site or keep it to myself? I can't be 100% sure but it's pretty likely from all the many clues he had given - even using his first name!

If it was me, I would want to know and make my own enquiries, what do you think?

OP posts:
LEMmingaround · 02/10/2014 20:37

Mind your own business. Seriously. No good will come from your interference.

louiseaaa · 02/10/2014 20:38

Steer well clear

HumblePieMonster · 02/10/2014 20:39

Keep out of it. You can't be certain its him.

Mum4Fergus · 02/10/2014 20:39

Mind your own ..

Viviennemary · 02/10/2014 20:42

I agree with mind your own business. She would be mortified to hear this from you. And you might be wrong.

WorkingGirlJem · 02/10/2014 20:42

I think you should speak to your co worker.

Show him your 'evidence' and you will know by his reaction if it's him. Then you can decide what to do.

Incidentally, as I have mentioned on these threads before, over 90% of my clients are married or attached. It's much more common than people recognise.

LadyLuck10 · 02/10/2014 20:44

I can't get past he fact you are still with someone who used a prostitute. The type of man who does this is someone I wouldn't trust ever, or want anything to do with.

ThirdPoliceman · 02/10/2014 20:46

Nooooo. None of your business. Stay out of it.

rootypig · 02/10/2014 20:50

Ever heard the saying, keep your own side of the street clean?

I would resolve how you feel about your partner paying for sex, before I worried about anyone else.

BuilderMammy · 02/10/2014 20:51

It's none of your business.

ashtrayheart · 02/10/2014 20:54

Just looking at that site Shock it's like they are reviewing stuff on amazon! Just fucking awful.

Guitargirl · 02/10/2014 21:00

You could be totally wrong and even if you aren't it's none of your business.

If it's the same kind of site as Punter.net then I am familiar with that site through my job. I agree, it does not make for comfortable reading. But the poster you have been reading could be anyone. Just keep out of it.

unhappyfatmama · 02/10/2014 21:09

I would also say keep your nose out. But in reality id probably find a way to anonymously tell!

Cricrichan · 02/10/2014 21:24

But you're not sure it's him...?

formerbabe · 02/10/2014 21:29

It wouldn't even occur to me to tell his wife or involve myself in anyway! I would keep well out of it.

Southeastdweller · 02/10/2014 21:30

The other posters are right - it's none of your beeswax, regardless of whether he's on there or not. Why are you bothered anyway?

SolidGoldBrass · 02/10/2014 22:19

However much you may disapprove of paying for sex, it's not your job to hunt down and expose other people for doing so. Keep your beak out. You have no proof that your co-worker does this, and if you start squealing about it, you could find yourself subject to disciplinary procedures and/or legal action for defamation.

wackadoodle · 02/10/2014 22:56

What kind of an idiot would use their real name on a site like that?

I dunno. If I were engaged in something so widely despised by others, and wanted to discuss it on the internet, I'd want to make damn sure I cover my tracks and leave no possible link to my real identity.

Is your coworker really stupid, and/or a complete technophobe who doesn't understand the internet? That's the only way I could see it being possible. Otherwise, it's probably just coincidence.

Darkesteyes · 02/10/2014 23:28

OP it really is nothing to do with you.

It could even be someone else doing it to try and get him into trouble or it could just be a massive coincidence.

DioneTheDiabolist · 02/10/2014 23:31

Why did you go onto that website OP?

Original poster
Shantjay · 02/10/2014 23:52

Thanks ladies. I guess the general consensus is to keep schtum :)

@wackadoodle it's his first name he is using. I dunno, perhaps he thinks no one would recognise him?

@dionthediabolist as I said in my original post, I saw a thread here mentioning that site.

OP posts:
Pandora37 · 02/10/2014 23:59

I'd stay well, well out of it. This is your co-worker, you could end up making things extremely difficult for yourself at work. Why would you want to put yourself in that position? It's nice that you're looking out for his wife but you're not even 100 per cent sure it's him. There's really no way it could end well.

I'm curious as to what you mean there's no going back? Do you mean once a man has visited a prostitute he becomes a woman hating sex addict who keeps seeing prostitutes? I'm very cynical when it comes to men but even I don't subscribe to that view. I know men who have done it once when they were young out of curiosity but hated it or felt guilty and disgusted afterwards and never did it again. Yeah she may have had a disease but equally she may not - depends what type of prostitute she was. If she was an "escort" then it's highly unlikely, as it's my understanding that they're very strict over their sexual health.

This is obviously really bothering you so I think you need to talk to him about why he did it. I don't think seeing a prostitute once is unforgivable but clearly you feel differently, in which case you're going to have to re-evaluate your relationship. I wonder why he told you though. Does he know how you feel about it?

I really think you need to stop looking at those punter sites. You'll drive yourself crazy and if you don't trust him, then why are you with him? Has he given you any other reason not to trust him other than that he paid for sex once? Please talk to him about this as this is clearly going to eat away at you.

ForalltheSaints · 03/10/2014 07:04

You could speak to your co-worker on the basis that you think someone could be mistaken for him?

kaykayblue · 03/10/2014 08:15

Firstly, I could not be with someone who paid for the services of a prostitute. It goes against everything that I believe in. You need to do some serious thinking as to whether that is a deal breaker for you.

On the colleague, firstly the name. I have a rare name not linked to my username, but I have seen others use my name as their username. The chances are, it isn't your colleague, and he isn't that fucking stupid.

Secondly, I think what you do about the possibility of it being true depends on your line of work. If you work with the police, social services, with children, or vulnerable women, or in a hospital, or for the government, then you might want to speak to HR (in private, obviously), but you would need to make it VERY CLEAR that you are working off assumptions and it is for them to decide whether to investigate further, or decide that there is no need to do so.

It's also things he does in his spare time to be honest - if he is a volunteer at a woman's charity, they would most likely take a dim view on this. If he is a magistrate, I'm pretty sure this would be a "sackable" issue.

It's not just about whether or not it's him, it's also about what kind of position he is in socially.

But it is definitely not for you to go around spreading rumours. At most, you should be doing as above - raising a POTENTIAL issue with HR - being totally open that your "evidence" for believing so is pretty shoddy, and letting them make the decisions.

Although I'm not really sure why you care so much considering your own partner has - by his own admission - done exactly the same thing in his past. Or is this a case of "one rule for me and another for others"?

bringbacksideburns · 03/10/2014 08:17

Keep your nose out.

Focus on matters closer to home i'd say.