Um how do I handle this? Is my new guy being a dick?

[cantkeepmyoldname]

Hiya all.

Sorry had to take a break for MN for a bit as my ex had found me and was using mn to make my life difficult. Anyway think I am safe now, MNHQ have reactivated my account and I have namechanged for the billionth time! I am an old lag honest - penis dragons, Naice ham, penis mug, and all that.

Ok, I met a man a little while ago (may ish) I´ve known him as an acquaintance for a couple of years or so. Anyway everything was going ok, we were keeping things light, and having the odd drink together, occasional meal, kissed a quite a bit, rounded a few bases (we are both a little careful having been stung before) DTD about 10 days again, exchanged the odd soppy email, text etc. NOW I KNOW THIS IS NEW etc, but I thought things we going ok, we were having fun, enjoyed spending time with each other etc.

There are a few things that are bothering me though and I don´t know what is anything I should do, how to approach them or if I should just go well that was fun but lets move on.

1. he has this phrase (I think it might be an anxiety or something), every time we are fooling about he says "I can spare you 5 minuets" when we have finished fooling about he says "well you need to go". Before anyone says it HE IS NOT MARRIED - I know his family quite well so I know I am no being fed a line. I makes me feel really awful, and to be honest although this might sound odd, it makes me feel dirty and used.

2. the other day I had to do something very difficult and traumatic for me, I had popped round (a couple of days before) with a view of asking him if he would come with me just offer a little moral support. BUT, we got talking (I was trying to work up the nerve to be honest) and one of the things he really likes about me is that I am a "STRONG" women. I just felt like I couldn´t ask him - because he would judge me as being weak

3. He saw me after I had been to do the difficult thing mentioned about. I was wearing something he is not used to seeing me. he said "where I you going" I replied I´ve already been - he was really off with me from this point on wards. (this was Friday). The place we were did not offer an opportunity for further conversation on the subject and to be honest I didn´t feel up to it - Had popped in to a friends to have coffee (She didn´t know where I had been) I just wanted to be round someone familiar

4. Whilst we were both at said friends, my daughter came up in conversation, She has a anaphylactic allergy (he knows this) any way he picked this particular moment to decide to loudly and repeatedly say that "if she was HIS daughter HE would have her tested every year" I tried to explain that 1) she can´t, 2) she doesn't need to be, I asked if he knew what the tests were etc. etc. he just kept say "if she was MY daughter I would have her tested every year. I should mention at this point that I am a doctor so know what I am talking and DD has been tested etc. at GOSH.

I got up and said to friend I think I´ll leave now and walked out. I got in the car and started driving and ended up in floods of tears - I´m not sure if I am was over reacting or not.

5. On Saturday we had a previously arranged to have coffee in town. He came, sat down crossed his arms and spoke 3 words to me if that - he seemed really hostile

On the back of all this I felt a little upset and sent him a message and said I think we need to have a chat (possibly not the best thing but it was really playing on my mind) I´ve not heard from him over the weekend - fair enough but I am supposed to be picking him up tomorrow and giving him a lift to garage to get his car - I don´t know what to do about that now?

Now just to make it clear that difficult thing I had to do relates to a very traumatic and physically damaging rape (a long time ago now but still feels like yesterday to me) I had to attend the Parole Board oral hearing. So I don´t know if I am just blowing everything out of proportion because I am still reeling from that. (HE DOEN¨T KNOW ABOUT THAT there is virtually know one that does so I can´t really pop round to a friend and have a chat about everything because it would all come tumbling out=

Anyway I know this is REALLY long, and I hope it is legible as I am really upset still. Hope some reads it.

WWYD

You had me after your first example. "I can spare you five minutes."
Can he? Well aren't you the lucky one?

Went on to read the rest and it simply served to confirm that the guy's a twat.

If someone else was asking you WWYD, what would be your reply? You then have your answer.

Seriously why are you worrying about letting him down - he is an abusive dickhead.

If you really cannot just leave him to it, text him saying you are unexpectedly unavailable and don't think the relationship is working out. You wish him well.

You have only been seeing him a few months, it's no big deal.

I'd not even bother ringing him/calling him.

I'd dump by text. He doesn't even merit conversation.

'I've done some thinking this weekend and decided we're not compatible. It's time to go our separate ways. Goodbye.'

Job done. He rings back, texts back, 'We're not compatible. It's time to go our separate ways. Goodbye.'

No discussion. Fuck him. You weren't even worth 5 minutes to him, a cup of coffee or a talk. So don't make him worth that to you.

No 'sorry' 'best of luck' or any shit like that. 'We're not compatible. It's time to go our separate ways. Goodbye.'

If you have time, The Freedom Programme is amazing.

"Hi - just to let you know that I have thinking about us, and have decided I don't want to see you any more. It's just not working for me. I won't be available to pick you up tomorrow, so you had best get something else organised asap. Take care."

pictish is less blunt .

I can´t ring him anyway - he doesn't answer the bloody phone. Drives me spare, I´ve taken calls from his family when there has been a problem (at work) because he won´t answer.

OK. I´ve just text and said "Won´t be there to pick you up tomorrow. This is not work out for me. See you around" Which I am slightly proud off. (so don´t go tell me is crap please!)

Now as it happens I will be seeing him Friday - we are both going to the same party, think I might just change my planned outfit.

Time for another glass of there is also a whole ginger cake (baked for him) that is calling me from the fridge - would it be ok to eat a huge piece (I bloody love ginger cake!)

I did it in the reverse order to you - first one was maybe a 6, second more of a 7, third maybe 8 or 9.

Then I spent 5 years single not completely shag free, but definitely commitment free which meant I was ready for DP who is a 0, maybe a 2 on a bad day or when I've got PMT

It seriously took me that long to get to the right place emotionally. Maybe the books can help you skip a few years as well as a few twat-grades?

Oh YY the Gavin de Becker book is brilliant. the Gift of Fear.

X post. Hurrah! Eat the entire thing with custard :o

oh wow cantkeep please let us know that you're dispensing with this man's arrogant and inadequate services?

crazy cat lady - that's me! Because I am also a twat magnet! I daren't even look at that scale of twatttery-attraction.

it was nice to have someone for a bit You are lovely, that's clear from your posts and it's tragic, a Cosmic Twatteryness, that it's nice folk who are treated so badly.

BTW a text rejection in this case would be perfectly in order. No way should you be doing car-inconveniences tomorrow at all. A brief "I may have 2 minutes available to dump you. There, it's done."

You've been going through utter shite as well sooo ....

Well done.

His family were calling you after 4 months??

ohhh just caught up - darn, I fell into the typing void and stuff happened on the board ... yayyyy that you did the ending! Well said and well done! Eat the cake!

I like Pictish's but I wouldn't add take care

x posted. Your text was fine. Yes have a massive slice of cake. Well done for ending it.

Now block and delete his number. Do not engage any more.

Yep, for twat magnets, Why Does He Do That?, The Angry Man, The Gift of Fear and the Freedom Programme.

All too often, women especially are conditioned to go against their gut/instinct, second guess themselves and their feelings about behaviour, minimise their feelings and reactions, give 'the benefit of the doubt' or second/third/what have you chances under the pretext that none of us is perfect, it's only some of the time, try to see it from his side, you are overreacting, otherwise he's okay, I can change him because he said I was different (or I am stubborn), the sunken costs fallacy.

When you learn to grow out of this learned behaviour, you stop twats cold. In all areas of life. You don't even get to relationship stage with people like this.

well done. you did the right thing. i think it's highly likely that your next bloke will be a twat 0. you've got good instincts you've just got to listen to them.

Sorry but have to agree - what a dick!

Good text. Well done. Am genuinely happy for you! You can start looking forward to a twat-free future now :)

Walk away and do not, under any circumstances, look back. He is awful.

Nice text :)

"Well you need to go"??? WTF? My response would be "Yes, you're absolutely right. And I won't be coming back." That is outrageous.