Um how do I handle this? Is my new guy being a dick?

[cantkeepmyoldname]

Hiya all.

Sorry had to take a break for MN for a bit as my ex had found me and was using mn to make my life difficult. Anyway think I am safe now, MNHQ have reactivated my account and I have namechanged for the billionth time! I am an old lag honest - penis dragons, Naice ham, penis mug, and all that.

Ok, I met a man a little while ago (may ish) I´ve known him as an acquaintance for a couple of years or so. Anyway everything was going ok, we were keeping things light, and having the odd drink together, occasional meal, kissed a quite a bit, rounded a few bases (we are both a little careful having been stung before) DTD about 10 days again, exchanged the odd soppy email, text etc. NOW I KNOW THIS IS NEW etc, but I thought things we going ok, we were having fun, enjoyed spending time with each other etc.

There are a few things that are bothering me though and I don´t know what is anything I should do, how to approach them or if I should just go well that was fun but lets move on.

1. he has this phrase (I think it might be an anxiety or something), every time we are fooling about he says "I can spare you 5 minuets" when we have finished fooling about he says "well you need to go". Before anyone says it HE IS NOT MARRIED - I know his family quite well so I know I am no being fed a line. I makes me feel really awful, and to be honest although this might sound odd, it makes me feel dirty and used.

2. the other day I had to do something very difficult and traumatic for me, I had popped round (a couple of days before) with a view of asking him if he would come with me just offer a little moral support. BUT, we got talking (I was trying to work up the nerve to be honest) and one of the things he really likes about me is that I am a "STRONG" women. I just felt like I couldn´t ask him - because he would judge me as being weak

3. He saw me after I had been to do the difficult thing mentioned about. I was wearing something he is not used to seeing me. he said "where I you going" I replied I´ve already been - he was really off with me from this point on wards. (this was Friday). The place we were did not offer an opportunity for further conversation on the subject and to be honest I didn´t feel up to it - Had popped in to a friends to have coffee (She didn´t know where I had been) I just wanted to be round someone familiar

4. Whilst we were both at said friends, my daughter came up in conversation, She has a anaphylactic allergy (he knows this) any way he picked this particular moment to decide to loudly and repeatedly say that "if she was HIS daughter HE would have her tested every year" I tried to explain that 1) she can´t, 2) she doesn't need to be, I asked if he knew what the tests were etc. etc. he just kept say "if she was MY daughter I would have her tested every year. I should mention at this point that I am a doctor so know what I am talking and DD has been tested etc. at GOSH.

I got up and said to friend I think I´ll leave now and walked out. I got in the car and started driving and ended up in floods of tears - I´m not sure if I am was over reacting or not.

5. On Saturday we had a previously arranged to have coffee in town. He came, sat down crossed his arms and spoke 3 words to me if that - he seemed really hostile

On the back of all this I felt a little upset and sent him a message and said I think we need to have a chat (possibly not the best thing but it was really playing on my mind) I´ve not heard from him over the weekend - fair enough but I am supposed to be picking him up tomorrow and giving him a lift to garage to get his car - I don´t know what to do about that now?

Now just to make it clear that difficult thing I had to do relates to a very traumatic and physically damaging rape (a long time ago now but still feels like yesterday to me) I had to attend the Parole Board oral hearing. So I don´t know if I am just blowing everything out of proportion because I am still reeling from that. (HE DOEN¨T KNOW ABOUT THAT there is virtually know one that does so I can´t really pop round to a friend and have a chat about everything because it would all come tumbling out=

Anyway I know this is REALLY long, and I hope it is legible as I am really upset still. Hope some reads it.

WWYD

See this is why I missed MNHQ

Was really starting to think I was over reacting.

The hearing went as well as one can - horrific (I DON¨T WANT TO FRIGHTEN ANYONE THAT HAS TO GO THROUGH IT) I survived it. Victim support were great, as were the board, it was just having to go through the whole thing and having to deal with the bloody stupid question of "do you feel you have been effected by this long term followed by how"! (yes it was all written down), but having to write it and read it and know they have read it - NOT GOOD not to mention the physical closeness. If anyone has to go through the same thing, take every bit of support you get offered, with both hands.

Thing is that other than the time limit thing. He is normally a really good bloke, I started worrying myself that maybe he has a problem etc. But then I think well I have to deal with difficult things etc and managed not to be a twat to other people.

Yes I am very desensitised to relationship crap. Hence the post cause you lovely ladies aren´t!

Time to get rid, I´m quite a nice person really don´t mind it being just me and dd but it was nice to have someone for a bit.

Point one would have had me running for the hills.

You've managed to get yourself out of a shitty relationship before, do you really want to have to do that all over again when you are really emotionally invested?

He is not sounding remotely like a keeper.

Life's too short for shit relationships. He isn't making you happy is he?

Good choice op

LEFTRIGHTCENTRE are those books really any good? I´ve seen the why does he do that mentioned loads on here.

He is not a good person. Good people don't treat people like this.

Just fuck him off if you don't feel like telling him you're through. Don't bother picking him up.

Yes, the very first one would have seen him get his marching orders.

'You need to go'? - Err, no I don't. I'm not the pizza delivery option.

As for the rest, he sounds at best a bit obnoxious. Get rid.

I'm so sorry to hear about you terrible experience. Good on you for seeing it all through and I hope things are going ok. Take care of yourself, and make it a part of that to not entertain dickish men for even a millisecond.

Yes, they are good. They help you not waste time with cretins. No benefit of the doubt, second chances, going against your gut.

Gavin de Becker has some good books, too, about how people don't listen to their intuition.

Tell him that you like strong men who can find ways to go to the garage.

And strong men who can be supportive.

Dickdickdickity Dick.

The whole point of being in a relationship is that it makes you happy. He isn't making you happy so it is time for him to go. You deserve better.

Telling you to go immediately after being intimate is insulting, even the "I can spare you 5 minutes" would have me heading for the door.

Don't give him a lift to the garage either, you haven't got the time to spare.

Ok - I´ll order the books, thanks for the recommendations.

Thing is I think I am quite a strong women, I´m still here holding my head up high, being a single mum, I have a job (that I love), a car, my own house (with a mortgage).

I made myself a deal to never be a doormat again, but somehow I seem to have got mixed up with another dick.

Why can´t you be a strong person and still need a hand to hold / shoulder to lean on / bit of support occasionally. Did I miss the memo that says we have to deal with everything on our own????

Time limit? Telling you how to take care medically of your dd with no real knowledge? Dump the tosser. Seriously. Just get rid.

Life's too short to waste time with the likes of him.

Op, I don't know about your previous relationship threads but I think you are suffering from the Reality-described "trap" of having got away from a Grade 10 twat only to get together with a Grade 7 twat (or possibly 8 or 9, in this guy's case).

You deserve someone who is a Grade 0 twat ie Not A Twat!

For a fairly newish relationship there's already quite a lot of 'off' and hostile behaviour. It doesn't sound like you are compatible and i think i'd advise you to end things and chalk it up to experience.

Read these books. You will soon learn, it's not you, it's them.

What to do about picking him up tomorrow? Absolutely nothing. Just get on with your day normally.

YonicScrewdriver - That's great!

Got rid of a big twat and got a smaller one! Could be worse I could have got a bigger one than the first - I´ll work on it, if the books don´t work maybe I could use them to hit the next one. (grin) joke!

Ok, how do I tell him I won´t be there to pick him up tomorrow? I am not the sort to just NOT turn up so I need to text him something (don´t want to call as I would probably waiver)

I really fancy sending "fuck off to the far side of fuck" but would never do it.

Seem really horrid to dump someone by text.

You can be a strong woman who needs a shoulder to cry on/lean on sometimes. I am one. But whT you need is a partner who respects nad loves you for who you are - strenghth and vulnerabilities alike. He can leave you be free and strong when you want and will be there for you when you need him.

If you're not getting that then this relationship is not for you. He's not the man you need and who allows you to feel comfortable being you.

Ok - I might have had far too many and should really stop and start on the but I´ve had a light bulb moment!

I am a twat magnet!

twat 1 (biggest one to be honest) was at the oral hearing
Twat 2 was a cock lodger, and generally nasty abusive arse
twat 3 is time limit man

I am descending on the twat scale which means I have 7,6,5,4,3,2,1 left befor I can meet 0.

That's it, I am becoming a spinster or crazy cat lady spinster..........

Right, you texted him and said you needed to have a chat and he's not come back to you.

Can you call him now for that chat and say you've been thinking, it's not really working for you relationship wise (you said he's an acquaintance so I assume you might occasionally see him going forward?). Suggest he asks someone else for a lift tomorrow.

Are you ready to do that, do you think?

You don't have to do all the twat grades! I think the books will help you skip some!

It also seems horrible to throw someone out after sex. Would you ever do that to anyone? Dump him now. Just say, sorry, I've decided this isn't working out.

Yes he's a dick-I wouldn't tolerate point one, let alone any of the other bullshit.
Dump & move on-you deserve better.